The ethics and etiquette of using male training assistants in female self defense classes

“You attended that weird self defense course, didn’t you?” asked Teresa, one of my former university classmates when we went for a chat at a local café.

The question surprised me because she always avoided this topic. I replied “Yes, but it was not weird at all, maybe let’s say 'special', but quite useful actually. Pity you missed it, you could do something for your safety.” I added as I sipped from my espresso.

She was curious “I heard that lady…what is her name… Linda… used some young lads from the physical education department to demonstrate some nasty techniques, is it true you touched their naked genitals?” 

“Touching balls in a female self defense course? No, c'mon that’s stupid…. We just squeezed, kicked, or kneed their dangling bare balls!” I was expecting she would get my sarcastic joke, and we would chuckle together, but she looked at me with a horrified face. “Crazy!... Poor guys, they should have worn a cup….”

I wanted to comfort her, so I argued “Don’t worry those male organs are actually quite resilient.” Maybe she did not like the image of savage girls testing their self defense skills on sensitive young men’s reproductive organs, so she rather changed the topic to life after covid and family issues. I do not blame her, and if you read the numerous comments on this blog, she is not the only one having some concerns for Bob and Peter.

Using our male student peers for training self defense with all it takes including the major techniques of last resort including testicles as a prime target. Yes, Bob and Peter were our 'darling attackers', we used them to learn male anatomy and how to exploit their major vulnerability, but their involvement was not completely without rules. They were not our lab rats or some kind of inanimate test objects as some suggested. We followed some ethical codex, and we also quickly learned the appropriate etiquette; when we veered Linda quickly put us back on the right track. Gaining empowering experience from learning self defense in a realistic, no-punches-pulled way is not a sign of hatred towards men but a necessity. Because, unfortunately the controversy continues, I decided to mention a couple of rules which a female participant should follow to make such a course a resourceful truly enjoyable experience yet with hearted consideration for male participants.

Showing emotions is good but do not
go overboard and be empathetic

Be empathic and respectful 

You come to a self defense course to learn life-saving techniques; he comes there to help you in your quest. It can be difficult to you to interact with him physically and to unleash your inner strength but imagine what it takes for him to put his vulnerable organs (and not only testicles) at stake. He is there to play an attacker, a model to learn anatomy, it might be embarrassing for him to expose himself so a bunch of girls can inspect and learn the body pressure points and the peculiarity of male body to be used to their advantage. 

Reality-based sparring could lead to a few bruises for you, but excruciating pain for him. It is easy to go overboard, but it is important to be respectful. Speaking you don’t have to completely hide your emotions and the newly gained empowerment but laughing at the guy rolling on the floor, instead of helping him to mitigate the testicular pain is not a part of good etiquette. Some, who read my previous posts would argue Linda did not follow this rule and accused her of being demeaning to Bob and Peter. I agree she was a strict teacher having things under control her focus was on our education in life-saving skills and less on the guys’ wellbeing but believe me she did not cross the line. And trust me she liked both guys. 

Know his limits and be prepared with appropriate equipment

As I mentioned before the traditional teaching using heavily padded model attackers is simply obsolete, you need to feel the target, and he needs to react in a natural way. Believe me, you won’t be ever attacked by a Michelin man 😊

Shin protection is not a proper
equipment when practicing scoop kicks.

On the other hand, a single knee strike can rupture a testicle, a full GTP can easily tear the cords and damage the epididymis, so one has to find a balance between learning self defense properly but at the same time not creating unjustifiable risks for his reproductive organs. So, know the limits of his body; a good instructor tells you what you can and what is too much. In some cases (especially when kneeing full force is involved), you will need to use protective equipment, but as I said above use it wisely and only when absolutely necessary.  

Linda was lucky she got generous funding to organize her course, so she did not spare expenses to buy quality protective gear for the guys. Those from metal and nicely cushioned with rubber are the best, a cheap plastic cup can be shattered into pieces that can pierce into the genitals and do more harm than good. The right size of the cup is also important so that the testicles and penis snugly fit in and don’t leave the selection to the guys themselves; they tend to overestimate the size of their genitals, and an unfitting cup can dislocate and lead to an injury. 

You will also need ice packs, a lot of those. Very good props are also small soft pillows that can support the anguished scrotum when the guys lied on the mats to rest. This equipment mitigates the effects and facilitates recovery hence also minimizing the time being out of action as the course had to keep the time schedule.

Reward his sacrifice

It should not be one-way taking and not giving, it would not be fair to exploit him without any reward. For making such sacrifices he needs something in return. Show him you acknowledge his investment and made him feel appreciated. There does not need to be any financial remuneration; gentle caressing, soothing words, or signs of affection helped. How much to engage intimately is up to any woman I am not going to make any moral judgment here. All of this makes him happily return for the next class.