Learning through drawing – diversity of male anatomy (part 1)

This summer was extremely hot, and with Tom, we decided to cool off at a local lake. The place is usually very crowded, but we found a calmer, shaded place. While Tom was having a nap, I got bored reading a book and started to look at the people walking by and bathing. It was fascinating to see different people and their body types, and in men, bulges with visibly varying content. It immediately reminded me of one memorable class with Linda that really stuck in my mind—a hilarious lesson on male anatomy and, believe it or not, visual art…

Linda always managed to surprise us
with some bizarre tasks.  

After some intense exercise and practicing kicking, Linda called her sweaty and gasping girl squad "You did well today," then gave us unexpected homework: "I want you to draw your boyfriend's" genitals, both testicles and penis, in a relaxed and erect state on an A4 sheet, aiming for true depiction and detail, and bring your creation to the next class." There was a brief moment of complete silence. We looked at each other with a mix of awe and confusion, finding it extremely odd, having difficulties seeing any connection to self defense training. Then I heard some chuckles and even a weak "What?!" and  "No way!"

Yet, as we have learned many times before, Linda's bizarre demands and exercises often made sense in the end, and protesting would be futile anyway. Tania, obviously without a boyfriend, was asked to draw a random naked man she could find online. Although we were initially a bit baffled, we all left the dojo motivated to do our best to accomplish the task. Walking down the street after saying bye to my classmates, I realized how fascinating and revealing this psychological experiment might be.  

A secret snapshot of Tom's morning wood enabled
me to get the image of his aroused genitals.  

It wasn’t as easy as it first seemed; the problem was not that we were not a bunch of Picassos, sure, we could all do some simple sketch from memory, but getting the exact proportions and appearance was almost impossible without having real genitals in front of us, staying still as a model. We often handle them during intimate activities, but neither measure nor conduct detailed anatomical studies on them. Ideally, we could simply ask our guys to pose for us, letting us take time to do it properly. But who would be willing to reveal the real purpose of this highly unusual activity, with a sole focus on the external reproductive system instead of his Greek statue-type torso?  Then I also realized that the truthfulness of the depictions could be highly questionable. I suspected that some girls would like to show off and consciously or maybe unconsciously exaggerate the real size of their partner's manhood.  Who would not want to have a hung man and take pride in it, even if it means strutting in borrowed plumes? On the other hand, it is understandable that none of us wants to be embarrassed by having a sex partner with a pathetically tiny penis.

I was deeply worried about possible Tom's inquiries, why I was doing this, and whether it had anything to do with that “weird” self defense course. Rumors about Linda's unconventional pedagogical and training methods were spreading throughout the university. I wanted to protect his sensitive, innocent soul from such cringe, but at the same time, I was determined to complete the assignment responsibly, regardless of its peculiarity. Ultimately, I decided on a sneaky approach: to use my phone to secretly take a quick snapshot of him when he was leaving the shower—that would be for the flaccid state. In the morning, before waking up, he almost always gets morning wood. By gently removing his pajamas, it was the perfect time for another unsuspected snapshot to capture the changes in his aroused state. This allowed me to take time when he was not home to study all his anatomical features and reproduce his private parts into a drawing. I admit, my artistic skills are limited, so I inevitably produced a huge pile of crumpled paper rubbish. I tore the unsuccessful attempts into small pieces and threw them into the garbage outside so Tom would not find them.

Artistic drawing is not easy,
but in the end, I was satisfied. 

Once I was done, not to lie, I was quite proud of my work. I couldn’t wait any longer for the next class, not only to see other girls' creations and what kind of man’s equipment they reproduced, but also to understand the purpose of the whole thing. On the day of the class, I found myself rushing to the dojo as if I had never done before, having carefully folded the precious art piece and hidden it well in my handbag. My heart was pounding with great suspense.

Exactly as I suspected, just entering the dojo suggested that this class was going to be fun. Some girls couldn't control themselves and, before receiving any instructions, proudly showed their intrigued peers their artwork, peppering it with funny stories about how they managed to capture visuals of their darlings’ jewels and what kind of tricks they had to invent, which caused a lot of frantic giggling and some highly ungirly remarks. I do not blame them; none of us wanted to fail Linda's assignment. We noticed Bob and Peter did not come, so that somehow indicated that the things we were going to learn were not for their innocent ears or eyes, which only added to our excitement to the point that we did not notice Linda had just arrived. Hearing the loud chatter and vim, she did not let us wait long; this time, she even skipped the regular warm-up exercise, which was quite unusual.

“I see you are quite impatient. So let's check how you managed your assignment,” Linda asked us to sit down in a semicircle around her on the mat, and we did so quickly, filled with anticipation. She then gave instructions for the next activity. “I want each of you to go one by one, show the other girls your drawing, and then describe your partner's male organs in words. You can, for example, compare them to various fruits or other everyday objects if that helps. Comment on shape, size, skin, pubic hair, and other important features.”

We had a lot of fun showing
our creations to our classmates.

It was great that Ana was the first to present, since she's naturally outgoing and not too shy. Without hesitation, she confidently held up the sheet for us to see her boyfriend's genitals, using her finger to point out the parts she was discussing, just like a teacher addressing her class.

 “Well, as you see, these are my boyfriend's testicles and penis. I call his testicles bolas because they are perfectly round balls that usually hang really low, swinging vigorously like two pendulums. You obviously can't see it here, but even a small flick causes great discomfort, which I often shamelessly take advantage of.”

After these words, we all burst into laughter, but Ana continued, “They like to move up and down depending on the temperature and the intensity of my petting. His penis is like... let's say, a cucumber, I mean, when relaxed and unused like a typical pickle, but it can elongate to become long and thick, like those used in salads,” she proudly pointed at the drawn erect penis.

“They are actually called English cucumbers,” interrupted Susanne, eager to show off her culinary knowledge.

“Does it also taste sour?!” Laura's unexpected inquiry made us laugh again.

“No, at all, it is very succulent and delicious,” replied Ana with all seriousness.

Artistic representation of
Tom's erect penis 

 It sounded like a pubertal locker room banter we used to have in high school, but Linda let us have some fun and did not interrupt the ongoing cheerful chat. At the end of her talk, she praised Ana for her drawing and vivid description. The details she managed to capture were excellent; she depicted the deep crevices on the relaxed scrotum, long prepuce protruding from the penis end, and she made a great effort to illustrate a lot of long curly pubic hair covering the whole area.  

Now, when the ice was broken, the other girls enthusiastically followed her path, and we all fought to give the best presentation of our better halves' most precious body parts, intermitted with some more or less inappropriate remarks.  Some of us are naturally shyer than others, and expressing ourselves in such a tense situation was not always easy. Luckily, Linda managed to create a nonjudgmental, lively atmosphere. When the talking stalled and we groped to find the right words, she encouraged the audience to ask concrete questions, such as the estimated penis's length, girth, or volume of the testes. 

There were some memorable moments, such as when Laura was honest about the size of her boyfriend's penis in the flaccid state and called it a fat earthworm. Or when Tania presented a drawing of a male pornstar with a huge penis, which was circumcised—none of our boys are. The unusual curvature of Rebeca’s boyfriend's penis also drew a lot of attention, as well as an unusually tight scrotal sac. Susanne, as always, was very precise and used the correct medical terminology as much as possible; sometimes, we had no clue what she was talking about.  Some presented privates were clean-shaven, some bushy, some penises were truly on the shorter side… but we were absolutely not judgmental.

To be honest, most presented flaccid penises
were of the shape and size of a small pickle

I admit, I was very nervous when it was my turn, but I think it went quite well in the end. I described Tom's testicles as of normal size, resembling two ripe figs just fitting into my hand, and his penis, which does not impress at first sight, but when it gets aroused, it becomes a fat sausage, revealing a cute red strawberry-like glans. Listeners noticed the thick vein running along the penis shaft, which I managed to detail well. Don’t want to sound too self-appreciative, but I was also happy I got appraised for my artistic outcome, maybe not the best, but memorable for sure😉.

After we finished the round, Linda expressed her satisfaction with the well-played-out first exercise stage. “Now tell me. What have you noticed?” she asked us.

“Oh, we are actually very talented artists!” exclaimed Emma naively.

“No doubt about it”, Linda nodded, with a bit of an ironic tone and a smile on her face. “And what else?“

“Our boyfriends are all well-equipped real men!” Laura rushed to a somewhat dubious conclusion, possibly knowing this was not what Linda expected, but trying anyway.  

 Clearly not getting the right answer, Linda grinned and repeated, “Do not want to argue on that, I leave the judgment to you, but what else?”

“There is a high variability among the male genitals, in type, size, volume, how low they naturally hang, and how they react to arousal…even though the sample size was just six.” Finally, rational Susanne understood Linda's direction and answered correctly.

 “Exactly!” Linda agreed. The natural diversity of male reproductive organs in many aspects, not only shape and size, is remarkable, which has very important implications for self defense, more than you ever thought. You might choose a boyfriend and his genitals, but not your attacker. The knowledge of male anatomy and its variables and utilizing it to your advantage is one of the essential elements of my system, but it also involves a significant change in a woman's mindset.” Linda said in an almost preaching voice.

Our guru then announced the continuation of the exercise. “Now, put all the drawings in this box, and each of you draws one piece. Then imagine it as an attacker's genitals in front of you. Explain to your peers which technique you would choose and why it would be the most effective for the given type of organs.”

An awkward moment of silence followed.  We knew it was going to be a weird class, but like this? OK, one thing is to show some naughty drawings, and the other one is to listen to how your friends would batter our loving partner's precious sex organs. These were not just some anonymous imaginative drawings of some bad guys' junk, but our lovelings.

“Ana, again, you go first,” ordered Linda. Ana, this time, more hesitatingly drew a first paper and tried her best to explain the details of how she would injure Emma's boyfriend's testicles as well as his penis.

Linda often exhausted us not only
physically but emotionally as well

Now on, we all had to listen to gut-wrenching explanations of snapping penises to induce penile fracture, testicle twisting to induce torsions, and flattening the glands to mushy nothing. We got the opportunity to show all the knowledge of the most destructive techniques we learned from Linda, including the vivid descriptions of exposed penis heads being pepper-sprayed or bitten off completely  The saggy testicles were pulled till the cords inside snapped; tight testicles were punched in an upward motion to crush them against the hard pelvic floor.  Ironically, a long penis and sizable, low-hanging testicles were no longer a sign of male pride but rather a fatal weakness and a disadvantage for the owner.

This was an emotional rollercoaster. Instead of shooting  some funny remarks, we naturally became defensive and even shouted things like “Do it to your boyfriend's junk!” I also almost went nuts when I heard Rebeca saying that Tom's testicles would be ideal for a ‘handmade’ fig jam and that his cute little soft, strawberry-like penis head she would ruthlessly pinch with her long nails till separated from the stem. I looked at her with depreciation and hoped to get a chance to ‘return the favor’, which I luckily got.

I think we all felt relieved when it was over. Linda, while showing an expression of mixed irony and satisfaction, let us digest the exercise and cool off a bit. Suddenly, Bob and Peter appeared, staring in disbelief, or rather shock, at the pile of bizarre, often rather amateurish anatomical studies scattered on the floor, and at us, sitting emotionally exhausted. They had no idea the game we played, but feared they soon were going to get involved in some unorthodox ones, and their poor genitals were going to play an important part inevitably… 

Jawbreakers 👄🍭 part 1

Popping a grape with teeth

There is possibly no topic more controversial than biting as a last resort of self defense technique, and several impatient commenters have been asking me to cover this issue for a long time. Maybe I delayed writing about it because it requires my earnest engagement. Not surprisingly, getting the concept of biting right was an essential part of Linda’s course curriculum. She always mentored us that it is important to keep our teeth set in good condition not only for health and beauty but also because one day can serve as a reliable secret weapon for some of the most effective (and surely brutal) self defense counteractions when in close quarters. Linda once said: “Don’t be discouraged that many consider biting some kind of pathetic girly fighting. You got to do what you got to do, which includes inflicting some serious injury by all means possible.” Linda always stressed she does not teach martial arts or sports but no-rules survival tactics and biting is undoubtedly one of such effective strategies highly applicable for certain situations.

Biting as an intimate activity can be also a good training 

Firstly, you have to understand what Linda meant by ‘biting’. It is not some kind of playful nibbling at erogenous zones that you do with your boyfriend as part of cute aggression during foreplay (no secret here, have a lot of experience with Tom) but once you decide to go this way, it has to be violent: sinking the teeth deeply in, munching, gnawing,  popping, or tearing to remove chunks of weak parts of male body parts: ears, lips, nose, tongue and not surprisingly also glans penis and testicles. Linda called these techniques jawbreakers—large American-style layered hard candies in the shape of large balls, you lick or put into your mouth and suck on it. Attempting to crush it, without softening puts your jaws and teeth at risk of damage, but when defending, this should be your least concern. As always, she also gave appropriate names for separate wounding techniques, usually referring to kitchen gadgets. I guess you can imagine what the cucumber slicer or cherry pitter means. Sorry for making you cringe, but it always helped with visualization and understanding the principle.

One of the downsides is it can be repulsive and when executed as required, it results in drawing the attacker’s blood and a serious risk of infection. Hence biting should be resorted for situations when no other options are available, for instance, your limb movement is restricted, your hands are tied, or when needed to be employed for additional strikes. Logically using teeth is possibly the most applicable during forced oral sex when those delicate male appendages are almost offered to you to take a good bite and send him into shock.  

American candy called jawbreaker gave the name to techniques
involving the mouth. They even come in egg shape 

Most of you are often extremely triggered by the fact that we were lucky to be granted the extraordinary opportunity to test our skills on our ‘toothsome’ darling attackers Bob and Peter.  Their involvement in our training and practice, was not a walk in the park for them, sure, and as for other techniques they had to offer even their most precious, bare reproductive organs for our ‘exploration and exploitation’. There is no learning without doing, no exceptions, sorry boys!😉  Of course, we did not bite Bob and Peter’s penis heads off or make chewing gums from their testes. Linda responsibly oversaw us and enforced a safe concept of exercises, but also carefully accommodated our different needs: some of us were shyer than others, some took (maybe too seriously) the issue of safety and sanitation, and some were concerned about ethics and Bob and Peter's well-being. But her arrangements and adjustment to the curriculum never came at the expense of our proper training. Understandably no excessively hard, skin-breaking pressure was allowed (this was reserved for genital substitutes only), but still, those two poor heroes left the dojo with some visible bitemarks on their willies and beans having something to explain to their girlfriends😊.

It sounds unfair and overboard but it brought a lot of fun, and creativity as well as blushes on faces, especially of those coursemates not accustomed to bringing out their fangs in bed.  Who would think there is a whole science behind the method of sucking a whole scrotum in the mouth,  firmly securing an ill-fated testis in the right place between molars before crushing it into oblivion like a grape, or how to completely severe the male head, I mean the one down there? It was as it sounds: dramatic, drastic, and deadly, and those who pity Bob and Peter I can't blame you. Just listening to Linda's detailed instructions, safety warnings and expected results made them a bundle of nerves.  Having a willing male partner and peppering your sex life with soft biting is of advantage, but in this post, I would like to touch upon the possible equipment, helpful for everyday routine and fostering your skills. Most of them you can buy in a local grocery store or even bake for yourself.  

Veggies and fruits: These are not only a healthy and tasty part of the diet but also affordable and easily accessible. Luckily we got tons of free supplies from Linda's garden. Their downside is that many do not represent either the right consistency, texture, or shape and size. Cucumbers and carrots are some of those obvious ones and can represent an erect penis, but biting through them is simply too easy. Testicular substitutes can be small fruits but be careful not to use those having a stone. Good examples are smaller unripe kiwis or cherry tomatoes. Just an advice, always wash the fruit/vegetable beforehand to remove the harmful pesticides and dirt.

Licorice penis batons 

Candies: Do you know those Chupa Chups lollipops with a spherical hard shell with a juicy chewy surprise insight? I was crazy about them when I was younger, I always could not resist, after softening it a bit by sucking and licking, then gnawing at it hard to crush it to get to the sour fruity but refreshing chewing gum. These threats are obviously quite unhealthy, they put in a lot of additives and colorants and tons of sugar, but as an occasional joy, I think it is acceptable. Good news, from now on, you can always justify buying them with the additional benefit of testicle-crushing training. 😊 On the other hand, I am not a big fan of licorice, but some licorice sweets often come in the shape of batons and even penises and have favorable firmness and chewy consistency. Unfortunately, their size is often too small for proper penis analogs. However, I found numerous recipes online, so you can actually bake them at home in the right size and shape. Sounds like a fun weekend activity, doesn’t it?

Realistic vibrators can be also
a multipurpose equipment  

Meat: Meat and meat products are possibly the closest substitutes for human anatomical parts when it comes to consistency. Taking large bites like a hungry lioness from a rare steak or ‘decapitating’ a hard paprika sausage to practice flesh-tearing and chopping skills can be another excuse not to always eat according to modern healthy nutrition recommendations.  

Sex toys: These can be quite expensive and nobody wants them destroyed in no time, even for the sake of self defense training, trust me.😊  However, their advantage over above mentioned substitutes is they come in a quite realistic shape, size, and texture. These true-to-nature substitutes can be used for acting out scenarios and a play-along approach with a dramatic ending. Some types of vibrators have a nice realistic set of silicone balls which can be highly applicable for practicing quick and secure sucking in testicles even those not so low hanging.

These are my tips but if you know any other good male genital substitutes let me know in the comments. To be continued…..

 

To hull strawberries (part 1) 🍓 🍓

The last time I went to a grocery store and saw the price tag of imported strawberries I wished the season is coming soon and I can get some fresh from the local farms for a much better price…and cook my favorite strawberry cake… yummy. Thinking about strawberries brought back memories of a particularly exciting class when we learned the power of pinching and clawing for self defense. As I told you already, Linda owns a small summerhouse in the countryside with a garden and an orchard and grows all kinds of fruits, in an organic and sustainable way. She often shared the harvest with us so we could snack on it before classes and gain some energy and use those fruits as educational tools and substitutes for male anatomical parts.

Strawberry huller

I remember one time she brought a whole basket full of huge, red, and sweet strawberries. Believe me, these were the best strawberries I have ever had. While we were indulging in the delicious fruits and feeding some to (begging) Bob and Peter, Linda again surprised us with a strange object she took from her bag. She explained to us “I saw you struggling to pinch off the stem, we all know how cumbersome and messy it is, don’t we?  If you need to process a rich harvest for preservation or for making a jam this gadget really helps to save time, nerves, and precious fruits. Have a look at how it works.” She took a strawberry, pressed the button to open the pincers, dug them deep into the top of the strawberry, turned it a bit, released the button on the back of the handle, and then pulled the whole stem chunk away.  “Quite nifty, isn’t it?” Indeed, but we all knew she did not show us this rare kitchen utensil just to give us some fruit-processing advice.

While we were standing around her, she asked us. “Ladies, show me your fingernails!” We were all surprised by her request, but we all raised our hands up for her to inspect them. Well, I was a bit ashamed because, honestly, I do not put much effort into manicures and wear no nail extensions. To me, they look oddly long and often fall off. I rather trim and clean my fingernails regularly and I occasionally put transparent nail polish, that’s it. Admittingly some of us really have beautifully groomed fingernails and Laura wore nail extensions with a cute colorful dotty pattern.

Having a nice manicure is not only for looks 

Linda explained to us why she was interested. “You can use your fingers and fingernails the same way as this huller’s prongs to inflict a serious injury on a male body.  Fingernails are some of the best self defense tools a woman carries with her all the time. They can be used for poking, clawing, scratching, and pinching. I can see you all take good care of your fingernails, but not all have the right length; long nails can break, and short nails do not penetrate deep enough. The best is to keep them around 0.4-0.5 cm long. Also, the almond shape is better than the squared. Like mine or Susanne’s,” she raised her hand so we all could see and smiled, “we are well prepared for a dangerous encounter.”

She continued with the lecture. “Basically, you can pinch on any place of the male body which is momentarily available to you and cause some discomfort but there is a couple of vital points that are the most vulnerable on which you can cause serious damage,” she quickly added, “obviously many of those points are located on male genitals.” 

Natural fingernails in the almond shape of the
 right length can be a dangerous weapon

“You can skin his penis and dehull his testicles and seriously mess up the internal plumbing beyond repair with a little effort. This would stop even the toughest man in his track.”  She emphasized the word ‘dehull’ used in a metaphoric way but sounded horrific. “Well, enough theory, let’s see how it is applied to some real genitals.” She turned to Bob and Peter standing by. “Who of you two wants to volunteer for this demonstration?”

It was obvious that both guys already felt quite uncomfortable after her speech even though it was just about fingernails and pinching. They already knew that even a girly style of fighting can turn out to be brutal in Linda’s hands, literally. Their poor faces looked like the chunks of those strawberries stuck in their throats. They were of course very hesitant to step in as test models for this precarious activity.  

“The volunteer will get this nice strawberry from me” Laura tried to get her preferred volunteer by waving with nice juicy fruit in her hand and looking at Peter with a luring look, but he remained hesitant and tried to drift away from us. At some point, Linda became impatient, and grabbed the closest standing chap—Bob, and pulled him into the center of the arena.

Linda used to pat the boys on the butt as a sign of
appreciation and to calm them down

“Man up, you little squirrel, it’s just a demonstration!”  Without losing any further moment, she squatted next to him, pulled down his gym shorts and boxers, and exposed his swinging genitals. Maybe totally bizarre and surreal for most people but we have already accustomed to these situations and because we were in some kind of ‘fruity’ mood, we felt compelled to juice it up.  

“What nice two kiwis, we have got!” exclaimed Ana. “And a little banana as well,” I added, “Let’s chop it into a tasty fruit salad.” Linda rolled her eyes and looked at us strictly. “Easy, easy girls, act like adults, please. Be thankful to Bob,” she patted him caringly on his naked butt as a sign of appreciation and to calm him down.

She then proceeded with her detailed anatomical examination of the sensitive spots and apparently, there were many! 😊  “Let’s start with the penis for a change. This part is obviously accessible when he demands a blow or hand job, attacking the penis with your hands and making it unfunctional essentially prevents him from using his tool for an attack and making an opening for following moves. But it must be done correctly for the maximum effect.” After she said that, she held Bob’s flaccid organ with her left hand, bent it upward, and then with the other hand she pulled back his foreskin so the whole glans popped up.  

Despite Linda’s request to get serious and respectful, I think it was Ana who again commented. “Hmmm, and now we have got a nice red strawberry”, referring to the shape and reddish color of the organ which was now sticking out from Linda’s grasp. Because the approximation was so spot on it put a smile on Linda’s face and she let it be.  

“Instead of this immature banter come closer so you can see. The object is not very big, and I won’t repeat it.” We all chuckled and packed around Bob’s waist for a better look at the ‘far from sizeable’ subject. Linda was really pulling Bob’s foreskin till it was tight, which, based on the grimace on his face, was clearly discomforting for him. “You see this triangle of skin, what is it called?” asked Linda.  Susanne as always was very eager to show off her medical knowledge and immediately replied “It is called the frenulum.”

The nail of the pointer finger can be used to hook behind the frenulum (A)
or sink it deep in the meatus (B). Use the thumb to close the pinch, twist, and pull sharply. 

Linda nodded “Correct, this flap of skin attaches the foreskin to the glans penis. It is a very sensitive and highly innervated area, also very fragile, and susceptible to tearing.  Now see, you can relatively easily hook your fingernails around and pull with a sharp twist to tear it” She did exactly what she was saying but the pull and twist were rather demonstrating and gentle. Important, just be sure you hook your fingernails well behind. Damaging this structure will be very painful and prevent an attacker from continuing the attack. I knew that spot is sensitive, and Tom likes it a lot that I pay attention to it when I do him a blow job, but never thought of it as a target for self defense.

Linda moved on to the next target. “Let’s continue with the meatus, it is the opening of the urethra from which all the stuff goes out. It is actually wider than you think, and you can sink the fingernail of your pointer finger deeply in and then use your thumb as a counter for a sharp tweak. This is well working if you have pointy and long fingernails.” Her demonstration was again mild but still caused some discomfort and cringed face of Bob. On the other hand, Peter seemed to be relieved he was not chosen for this ‘activity’, but probably he suspected not for long. At some point Bob’s penis got stiffer, it was not fully erect just sticking out at a 90° angle and the foreskin stayed retracted so Linda could let go of the hold and use both her hands for demonstration and gesturing.  

“Now I am going to explain the method called ‘clawing the head’, very effective on the erect penis. She then pointed at the groove behind the penis head. This grove in anatomy called the coronal sulcus is conveniently shaped for hooking in the fingernails. She then gently lifted the fold of tissue with the nail of her pointer finger. You should start by forming a claw with your thumb, pointer, and middle finger, then sink the nails deep in the groove and pull. You obviously can’t remove the whole penis head, but you can cause serious laceration and bleeding and of course unbearable sharp pain.” Bob got frightened and started to breathe heavily when Linda formed the claw and softly nudged the fingernails in the seam of sensitive flesh.

The penis can be attacked by pinching e.g. the frenulum (A) or clawing the head (B). 

“Always remember to dig your fingernails deep in and pull violently while the nails are buried in the flesh. He will be a great pain and shock and you can use the startling moment to continue with other techniques, for instance, on readily available target—testicles.”

Linda suddenly surprised us “Who wanna try it out?” We all immediately raised our hands, just Tania stepped back. She always refrained from these exercises involving touching bare guys and Linda accepted that. “Bob will be for sure nice and let you try, don’t you?” Bob received another pat from Linda on his butt. He nodded in agreement, but I don’t think he had any other option 😊. Let’s go one by one and try out these three techniques I just explained to you but be careful, we don’t want to take away this little strawberry from Bob’s girlfriend. She gently rubbed the part she was referring to with her fingertips.

Some of us were really excited to try. Laura was impatiently flopping her long nail extension in anticipation and made a pledge “I’ll be very careful, I promise!” Promises, promises, but Bob shook and jolted uncontrollably from time to time as the girl’s sharp horny protrusions clawed in the specified places and enacted the move. Poor Bob, but well, no way around it. Sure we could use rubber dildos, but for these techniques, it wouldn’t be realistic enough. We needed to feel and inspect the real anatomical features, so Linda as always took the direct approach. It was indeed very educational how the fingernail shape and length are important; my short fingernails could not pierce deep or form good pincers. At that moment I decided to grow them longer. Practicality or aesthetics aside, safety first! 😊  

It was funny how some of us got deeply absorbed in the exercise. Probably because we have never thought about such extraordinary use of our fingernails. Although some of us clearly wanted to continue the drill, at some point keeping the time schedule prevailed and Linda closed this session, “OK enough, thank you, Bob, I think you had enough,” and pulled back his shorts over his now fully erect penis so it formed a funny mound. Then she used the hand, which just a moment before was demonstrating the mangling of his manhood, to caress him on his (upper) head. “That was for the penis, I think for the death pinch demonstration we need a relaxed scrotum,” and turned to Peter…

 To be continued…

Some like it hot! 🌶️

This post is neither about the famous American movie, nor about the current supper hot weather, but about an unknown way to use a common women’s self defense tool. I think it will be quite informative but at the same time a little bit funny.

Last week I and my boyfriend Tom had a little accident. We decided to make together a romantic evening to celebrate our 4th anniversary. You know to have a fancy dinner with some following lovemaking…We are still not keen to go out for a dinner with the current third wave, so we stayed at home. I prepared his favored chicken tacos. The dinner was great, he loved the food, but I totally ruined what was supposed to come afterwards. After some kissing and cuddling I went downstairs on him, you know what I mean. But shockingly instead of moaning from pleasure he suddenly yelled “It burns! It f.cking burns!” and jumped like a banshee. First I had no idea what happened.

“I think it’s that thing!” he pointed towards the green pieces of jalapeños in the leftovers. Then I got it, when I was chopping the jalapeños, some juices must have left on my fingers and then I transferred it on his dick head. Instead of a romantic ending that evening we were trying all sorts of remedies we found on internet, even using the ice cream we had for desert to rub it off. Grose! We could not continue with our ‘stuff’ that night. He is OK now, just that thingy stayed a little bit reddish and swollen for some time. 

capsaicin, a devilish compound

The compound which caused the burning sensation on Tom’s glans penis and foreskin is capsaicin. I do not have to tell you it is the active component of pepper sprays. Chemically it is 8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide produced by plants of genus Capsicum. It activates TRV1 receptor of skin cells which can be also stimulated by heat, that is why it gives the typical burning sensation. The glans penis and the foreskin is covered with a highly innervated mucosal layer which readily absorbs capsaicin. It is not well miscible with water, so it is difficult to wash it out. Milk or oily substances should be used instead, but I can tell, there was not much difference after the ice cream 😊   

 When used correctly, a pepper spray
 can be a woman's best friend 

Although Linda was not an enthusiastic proponent of self defense tools—she used to say “Your body parts are always readily available, the tools are usually forgotten in your purse or bag.”—we had couple of lessons she taught us the proper use of them. With the summer season I noticed there are now many alarming reports in newspapers about plummeting cases of flashers, exhibitionists, and public onanists. Linda emphasized that when we encounter an attacker with exposed genitals, we should remember there are two great targets available for our pepper spray. After getting his eyes and mouth do not forget to spray him down there as well. If you do not believe what is the effect of a pepper spray on an exposed penis watch this prank video:

  https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1970613749835377

You can expect the same dramatic effect on your attacker. While he is focused on his ‘helmet on fire’, he forgets his other sensitive organs become fully unprotected and available for follow up techniques.  A nice well placed testicle kick or a knee would for sure double remind him he should have kept his filthy genitals in his pants.

Peter peppers

As always, our self defense class would not be complete without a practical demonstration. This time Linda brought a pair of red chili peppers she grows in her garden. “These are quite rare, called Peter peppers as they come in a shape of penis,” she said as she showed them to us. We all gawked at the little ‘penises’ in amazement. Linda immediately warned us “Well, do not even think to use them for what you are maybe thinking about. The vagina is of course highly sensitive to capsaicin as well.”

 “This one really looks like the penis of our Peter,” humorously commented Ana, referring to the shape of a partially exposed penis head. We all chuckled as she was spot on, Peter’s foreskin, although he is not circumcised does not fully cover his glans penis.

Penis with partially exposed
head similar to Peter's, highly
susceptible to 'peppering'

Linda nodded, “Good observation Ana. Circumcised penises and those of Peter are of course very susceptible to ‘peppering’, even when they are in a relaxed state.”

Linda immediately proposed “Let’s put this to the test!” Boys were working out on the other side of the training room, while we had this interesting theoretical lecture. Sometimes it was better they did not hear what we were talking about.

Linda squashed one of the peppers in her hand.

“Peter come over here! We just want to test something.”

When he unsuspectedly came close to her. She just quickly slipped her hand in his shorts and took it out. The reaction of Peter does not need to be described, based what you already read in this post you can imagine.... The theory was readily confirmed…

I conclusion I highly recommend buying a pepper spray and do not forget to use it on both of his heads. When cutting chilies use gloves and wash your hands thoroughly afterwards especially when you want to make some lovemaking 😊.

To snap an aubergine 🍆

After the coronavirus restrictions got lifted a few weeks ago, I could finally visit my hairdresser. Despite having a time booking, she was so busy with all that ungroomed hair of her customers that I had to wait a half an hour. I noticed a bunch of women’s magazines on the table. I normally do not read those, but I was quite bored, so I skimmed through some of them. One journal had an ‘intimacy’ section with an article titled ‘The five most common injuries during sex and how to prevent them’. Not surprising, one of them was penile fracture. Although the penis does not have a bone, it can get ‘broken’ causing a painful and difficult to heal injury. This can happen when a fully erect penis bends sharply as the result of, for instance, hitting a hard object like the woman’s pelvic floor or falling down during some wild intercourse acrobatics. This article recalled me one of the most memorable self defense classes we had with Linda. As you probably already guessed, causing penile fracture is one of the Linda’s suggested ways how to deal with an attacker with a hard-on. So, I was quite impatient to write a post about this relatively unknown but highly effective last resort self defense technique. This is how I recall that class.

“Girls do you like eggplants asked Linda right away as she entered the room and placed her full backpack on the floor. Well to be honest eggplants are not on the top of the list of my favorite foods. My mother used to roast them and served them as a side dish. But Emma immediately replied, “I often cook ratatouille for my boyfriend when I want to make him some vegan dish for a change. At first, he always complaints a lot but then he eats the whole casserole!”

Eggplants come with different
varieties which can be used  to simulate
either the penis and the testicles

 “Good for you and your boyfriend Emma, eggplants are healthy,” Linda nodded and took out a bag full of something which looked like vegies, but I could not immediately recognize them. I only knew the common eggplants you can buy in a local grocery store which look like a big purple bulb or a giant egg-like structure. Like the typical one we use as an emoji for penis 🍆.  

“These are some uncommon varieties I cultivate specially for my defense classes,” Linda said proudly as she showed us her harvest. “This thin elongated is ‘Long purple’ and this one resembling a small white egg is ‘Clara F1’. Clara F1 fruits I use as a substitute for large testicles and these long ones are great to simulate an erect penis. The last lessons we already discussed attacks on testicles, but as I mentioned earlier, do not forget the penis. When under an advanced sex attack, it is likely you will encounter an attacker with an erection. In this case, his testicles are usually lifted close to his body, making the scrotum less grabbable. Many self defense experts neglect this vital target, which is poor. I believe an erect penis is an easily reachable, fragile and destroyable organ, but as always, a correct technique must be applied. Let us have a chat before I show it to you.

 We sat down around her in an anticipation of another interesting lesson. Linda opened her tablet and showed us a presentation starting with an anatomy picture of the penis. “The penis is made of three cylindrical spongy bodies; the upper two are called corpora cavernosum and the lower one corpus spongiosum also forming the glans of penis. The two pieces of corpora cavernosa are covered by an elastic layer of connective tissue  which has the same name as the one covering the testes—tunica albuginea, ”Linda explained us while pointing on the medical diagram.

Principle of erection is
similar to a water hose connected
to an open tap

 “During a male’s arousal, these sponges are filled with blood and expand but tunica albuginea keeps the pressure inside, so the penis stiffens, enlarges and rises.  It is the same effect as a garden water hose you connected to a water tap. When the tap is open the pressure of water straightens the coiled hose. Penile fracture occurs when this connective tissue ruptures due to an extension passing the breaking point. This causes the leakage of blood and the so-called detumescence, a sudden drop of internal pressure and immediate loss of erection. Intriguingly, it is often associated with a popping sound. The desired effect is he will not be able to continue with his rape attempt.”

After this anatomy lecture Linda continued with the practical part. “There are several ways to cause penile fracture. The first one is to get a firm hold of the penis in your hand like this and forcefully snap it in a downward direction. It must be done with full force, if you are standing you can use your whole weight to gain the desired momentum. Imagine going all the way towards his ass.”

She then demonstrated us the proper execution of this technique.  She asked Ana to be her assistant. Ana held an elongated eggplant in a position of an erect penis. Linda clutched the eggplant with her right hand (A) and forcefully pushed it down (B). The eggplant broke into two pieces with a popping sound.     

“Another possibility is to hold the penis at the base tightly with one hand and then to sharply hit the second half in the direction which is the most available or in which you can exert the most force.  It can be in a sidewise, upward, or downward direction.” She took the second eggplant, grabbed it on one end with her left hand (C) and sharply hit the top part with the palm of her right hand (D). The half of the eggplant got immediately broken off.

Linda did not stop here and continued, “You can use your legs as well. If you are on the ground and he tries to get on top of you, bend your leg as much as possible and kick out that the arc of your feet hooks on the penis.”  She now asked Ana to hold the eggplant in the position of an approaching attacker leaning over Linda on the ground. She charged her leg and forcefully sprang it towards the poor eggplant in Ana’s hand. The half of it flew a few meters away.

This odd activity got noticed by Bob and Peter, who until then were sitting on the bench on the other side of the room playing with their smartphones. Linda called them out.

She placed the broken pieces of eggplants back in her backpack and to our amusement, she took out two dildos with a strap. “Eggplants are a good substitute, but for some real training we need something more realistic, durable and reusable and also we cannot have Peter and Bob to sustain any injury in their ‘joy-making’ organ; their girlfriends would be really angry with us,” Linda explained to her awed audience. Linda brought two sizes; as always she thinks about all the details and the possible variables when providing a male organ analogues. While she was holding the sex toys in front of us, she noticed a pressing question in our faces. “Aaa, I know what you are thinking,” she laughed, “don’t worry I use these only for the course.”

High quality realistic strap on
is handy for proper training of
the penile fracture technique 

 “Look these products are of a high quality, it has the texture and firmness as the real thing, and it even has these two silicone balls attached, so you can train a combination of techniques. I ordered it on Amazon. Luckily, we have a decent budget for this course from our department,” she said half ironically.

Linda asked the boys to undress themselves and to leave just their briefs on. Then she strapped the bigger one on Peter and the smaller one on Bob.

“Should not it be the other way around, you know to keep it true to reality,” commented Emma humorously, referring to already noticed natural differences in their genital size. Laura immediately opposed, “I think  this is the correct way, Peter has a ‘grower’ and Bob a ‘shower’.” Linda’s strict gaze gave a full stop to this pubertal banter and giggling. “Girls, stop it, I think both should be very proud of their real tools,” she said looking at them kindly. It almost sounded she speaks out of her own experience. I haven’t seen her being so affectionate to them before.  She carefully double checked the straps are firmly fastened and that the large silicone projection is in the right place.

“These things are soon going to experience some abuse,” Linda commented her effort. She then stood up and looked at the boys with a great satisfaction. Suddenly, her phone rang, so she left us for a while.

Boys seemed quite empowered and charged with confidence after this upgrade and used the Linda’s short absence to fool around and to chase us. We were screaming in disgust and running away from them as they tried to poke us with their big new enhancements. Only Tania with an ironic grin on her face, she calmly grabbed the Peter’s dildo and snapped it the downward motion, the way Linda just showed us just minutes ago and yelled at him “Penile fracture! You lost!”

Linda appeared back. “I see you have some fun. Let’s see how you can handle some simulated rape attempts.” She gave us instructions what should we do next. We were about to play out different sex attack scenarios during which we girls had to apply the penile fracture technique to put to an end the vicious sex attacks of our two horny model attackers.

I was quite excited, when it was my turn and I got Bob. I was lying on a mat pretending to sleep. He got on top of me attempting to get into the missionary position. When he was pretending that he is busy removing my top, I moved my hand in the right position between me and him and in a blink of a moment I snapped his artificial penis ‘all the way to his ass’. I did it with such a rigor that I accidentally hit his real testicles with my fist. He cried out in pain. However, I did not realize that. At first, I thought that he just puts on a show to add to the realism of the scene. I tossed him to the side, and I reversed our positions. By sitting on his thighs, I fixed his lower body, and I extended my legs and pushed them on his chest to immobilize his upper torso.  I grabbed the towering dildo with one hand and a silicone testicle by another. “Let’s see if you can handle this you filthy little would-be rapist. It hurts, isn’t it?” I asked him after I violently bended the thingy to demonstrate adding to the penile injury and I squeezed the fake testicle. “Ooh no, no, my balls!” screamed poor Bob. Stupid me, it took me quite some time to realize the problem. Gosh! Once again, a testicular first aid had to be provided…

P.S.

I allowed anonymous comments again. But please behave (also you Canadian hotheads!).

Is penis biting a vital strategy against forced oral sex?

In the previous story from Susan’s book the women used a combination of two defensive moves: biting his penis and a testicle twist. Susan stressed that the testicle twist was actually the key move leading to his total incapacitation. I once read an interesting discussion on a women's forum about what to do when a man is forcing oral sex and ‘biting his dick off’ turned out to be one of the most popular option.

So is biting an attackers's penis a good defensive strategy? During my course we were advised that if possible, to always focus on techniques involving testicles which are generally less risky and more likely to succeed. These are preferred in terms of easiness to perform and their incapacitation power. The most serious problem with biting is that it creates a high risk of infection. Also it might be too gruesome for some women and this can inhibit them in performing it effectively. However, biting is sometimes the only option, for instance if you cannot use your hands because are tied or controlled in some way. You can find numerous examples on internet when biting indeed helped women from a dangerous situation. So although this should not be your prime strategy keep this option in your armory.

This technique can be performed either on a flaccid or an erected penis (preferred option) but has to be done with full determination, a light nip would most likely just infuriate the attacker. When executing this move, you need to sink your teeth deep into the neck of the penis, behind the head (glans penis), this is a more softer area and the natural grove makes the grip more secure so he cannot  pull the penis out from your mouth easily. Also use one of your hands to hold the penis and at the same time place the second one around his buttock. This gives you a good control and leverage and prevents him from budging. Bite down as hard as you can and violently shake your head to the either side.

Sink your teeth in the grove 
behind the head of penis to 
get a secure grip and for 
an easier separation.

Your aim is to fully separate the head. When done, spit it out and get out quickly so you do not contaminate yourself with the gushing blood. He should be in a state of shock and totally incapacitated. He might bleed to death if he didn't get a medical attention in time. You can practice this technique using a carrot or a cucumber. But be aware that the penis tissue is more tough and rubbery so some old vibrator could even be a better option. This is just a one of the techniques possible when defending from a fellatio, Some are aiming at his penis like snap a stick and some at his testicles and I will be discussing these later.