The art of kneeing (part 6)

Female self defense is not only about getting the right knowledge and skills but also about keeping ourselves in good shape. Linda wasn’t some kind of rigorous, uptight academic; she liked to combine focused intensive training with fun, often in unexpected ways. We took her criticism seriously and somehow agreed that as city college girls, our physicality is compromised, and we need to exercise more. As Linda stressed, improved well-being and fitness come in handy right at the moment when we need to fight back.

Aerobics is an excellent cardio that can help boost
fitness but also train knee lifts   

Luckily, the stressful exam period was over, and I was ready to switch from brain to body workout. Linda recommended aerobics as excellent cardio to be done at least twice a day, starting slowly, a few minutes in the morning and the evening and gradually extending the duration, speed, and intensity. Aerobics consists of simple dance-like movements performed in quick repetition, improving strength, endurance, flexibility, and muscle mnemonics. All of this is beneficial not only for our well-being and health but also for training in the effective automatic execution of given self-defense techniques. A prime example is a knee lift, a basic aerobics move that closely simulates thrusting the knee up to the attacker's testicles with power, speed, and precision.

The knee lift can be done by placing the hand in front of you and bringing the bent leg upward repeatedly, hitting the palm of your hand with the kneecap. With your hand as an imaginary testicle target, you can easily adjust the position and height. Other relevant moves can be, for instance, back kicks, elbows, hammer-fist strikes, or forward punches.

As Linda suggested, I made my personal workout plan for the coming weeks and did the exercises twice a day. Initially, I was short of breath fast, but I noticed advances every day.  The sessions might get boring over time, but I came up with some great ideas for enhancements.  First, do it with some nice, rhythmic music, and there is nothing better than oldies classics such as iconic Olivia Newton-John's Physical and Michael Sembello's Maniac! To get fully into the eighties vibes,  I even bought purple leggings, a neon leotard, ankle warmers, and a headband!  There still has to be a training program on VHS from my grandmom somewhere in the closet, but even if I found it, I could not get a hold of a VHS player anyway, so I resorted to watching some YouTube videos to add some dynamic choreography and complexity to the moves.

Pink socks can nicely simulate the scrotum,
squash balls testes

Keeping in mind what I am actually training for, I devised a nifty training gadget to spice things up. I went to a local sports shop and bought two squash balls and a badminton shuttlecock. The squash balls were of an appropriate size and almost perfect weight, 24 grams each, close to an average man's testicle. The shuttlecock was a bit small and light to my liking, but I could not find anything better. I used the rubber band to bundle up the shuttlecock feather end to get the right penis-elongated shape. I grabbed a pair of pink socks and I placed the squash balls in one and the shuttlecock in the other. With a few more rubber bands, I assembled it all to get an almost-true-to-reality male genital replica, and admittedly,  I was proud of my little homemade creation! 😊 I pushed aside the coffee table and sofa in the living room to make room and by using a long thin rope, I hung it from the chandelier to the right height, a bit above my waist. And now I was just about to unleash my intensive tool-enhanced workout. I started repeatedly kneeing the fake scrotum with a little floppy willy so it jiggled frantically in all directions like an untameable plush monkey on a rubber band I used to have ages ago. I visualized the odd pink object as the genitals of a bad guy, which I intended to obliterate and send to outer space with each knee strike. I incorporated various strong shoutouts with each strike: Crush! or Pop! I always recall Linda's motto: “Precision and power have to work together, and do not hold back!” Also, I did not forget correct breathing is extremely important; I inhaled before striking deeply and exhaled rapidly with each shoutout.

The constant bouncing made it an unpredicted target, so obviously, I missed occasionally, but when I readjusted my aim and succeeded in landing a perfect hit, I exclaimed Gotcha! Maybe sounds silly but this arrangement was very helpful in my training endeavors and always made me long for the next session despite all the tiredness and sweat. Before closing the session, I gave my squishy toy a good squeeze “Now, we are both finished!” I told myself, exhausted, gasping for air, but at the same time ecstatic.   

I made sure I had demounted the prop well before Tom came home and hid it in the drawer under the towels. He was obviously very supportive of seeing me exercise, but I kept the double purpose of the aerobics workout a secret.  My boyfriend isn’t a wimp but a bit of a sensitive soul,  I wanted him to be spared from some awkward explanations on the purpose of the peculiar genital-like object being busted with my knees. I just want to keep it that way.

 We were happy to have our darling attackers back
with a real living set of testicles.  

There was a university midterm break, and two of Linda’s classes were called off, but I could not wait any longer to see my classmates again and to know whether other girls had as much fun and a great time as I did with the new fitness activities. Especially I was eager to share my tips and tricks on my ingenious training equipment. We all cheered as we found out that actually more girls had a similar idea about making a genital prop. Bob and Peter were listening to our chatter with disbelief and awe. To make a vow that their function as darling attackers and their testicles are not replaceable by any means, Laura wrapped her hands around Peter's lean body ruffled his hair with affection, and ensured him of his importance by whispering to his ears “Luckily, we have you and don’t need any fake genitalia for the training anymore, hope you are ready for today's assistance?”

We all giggled but stopped the moment  Linda entered the dojo.  She greeted us with a smile as she definitely heard what we were talking about, but was not bothered at all and immediately commented “Seems you used your free time wisely, looking forward to seeing your improved physique. We are going to have a very demanding class today!”

I noticed she was holding a basket with some garments, which she placed in the center of the dojo put her hands on her waist, and announced the coming program  “In this session, we enter the next stage of mastering full-power kneeing in realistic scenarios.”

“Yes! Finally!” Ana suddenly exclaimed in excitement and clapped her hands. She was not alone we all shared her zealousness.

Linda never turned down our enthusiasm but she stressed the importance of doing things right “I know you are looking forward but this is a highly risky activity so before we start let's gear up our boys first.” She took out an oval object from the basket. “This is a hard metal protective cup with a strap, it has an ergonomic shape and cushion. Our dean was so generous and spared no expense for the boy's safety, so I could buy the best product on the market. Let me tell you, the cheap plastic cups do not work, I have seen injuries from shattered craps before… it was a mess and not a nice sight.  The extremely important thing is to get the correct size so both the penis and testicles can fit in snugly and the assistant does not feel any discomfort. Too loose oversized cups are also not good as the genitals can get violently shaken inside and such a cup is more easily dislodged. That’s why I rather make the purchase, young men tend to largely overestimate the size of their package.”  

For full force, real scenario training high-quality
metal cups are required equipment. 

She showed us the product and rotated it so we all see its features “I  bought an M-sized for Peter and an L-sized one for Bob. OK, Let's see if I got the sizes right.” Linda's uncompromised genital volume assessment made Peter blush and look a bit embarrassed; Bob on the other hand smirked and showed signs of satisfaction. However, Laura a bit mischievously added to the touchy subject “Pity no XXL size cup for any of them!”

To save the day, Susanne put the genital size issue into more medical terms “That’s OK; we all know they both have genitals of normal size to their male post-pubertal stage, and anyway, somebody is always a shower, and somebody a grower.”  

“Oh, you want to tell us they teach this in your medical courses?” Rebeca could not resist to add to the discussion.

Linda disliked this deviation from the seriousness of the topic of male anatomical protection to such frivolous banter, she made a face and continued getting the boys ready. Peter was lucky to be the first receiver.  

“The most appropriate way to wear this thing is on bare skin,” Linda said and looked into Peter’s eyes demandingly. He understood the signal correctly and quite unenthusiastically removed his gym shorts and briefs exposing his male pride. With an almost motherly care, she helped him to get in the protective garment. She gently placed the cup over his genitals with satisfaction and fixed its position gently. “My estimation was correct, ladies look, how the sensitive organs got nicely accommodated in the pocket and are now shielded by a metal shell.”

She also handed him compression shorts so the cup would be secured firmly in place with no room to wiggle. To evidence that thing is working she knocked on it hard with no visible reaction from Peter, which clearly wouldn’t happen without a cup. He now looked like a superhero owning an oversized bulge 😊

We all watched our darling attackers getting ready with great interest and zest to test the testicle protective function of Linda’s costly purchase.  Suddenly Emma surprised us with a question out of the blue. “What if they got an erection in the cup? Wouldn't it cause discomfort or hurt them?” Even Linda smirked and I noticed she was not that confident in her answer “Possibly, but you are not supposed to arouse them.”

Emma added. “Well, we will see if our knees possess such a stimulating power!” We all laughed and our excitement went through the roof…

The greatest women’s weapons 👠 (part 1)

 Carrying guns or any self-defense tools is impractical and, in some countries, even illegal. There is an old saying in my community that the greatest woman’s weapon is her charm😊. Who would disagree but not very useful in a self-defense situation, is it? However, there are some other weapons that we often wear or carry without even realizing.

One day Linda surprised us at the end of the class with an unusual announcement. “Next class we are going to have a party, so come adequately dressed. It applies to you two as well, she pointed at surprised Bob and Peter.” We all were already accustomed to her strange ideas and unconventional pedagogic approaches but why not?

“Party with Linda, that’s gone be fun! With all those exams and stress, I am ready for some fiesta!” joyfully exclaimed Ana when we headed for the showers…

Burgundy midi dress was
my choice for Linda's party 

In the afternoon before the class, standing in front of my wardrobe I got into total panic mode. I was a university student living on a budget, so my closets were not overfilled with the latest fashion pieces. I did not go often clubbing or to parties and by no means I am a show-off person. I spent my spare money on casual clothes I could wear on different occasions, classes, exams, and visits to my family.

“Damn it, it is what it is!” I grabbed my wine high school prom midi dress, beige high heels sandals, and a small purse I got from my mom. What a relief it was that the dress still fitted almost perfectly. I put my hair in a low bun and put on make-up, rather modest. “Should do just fine!” I assessed my look in the mirror. It is going to be a self-defense lesson after all not a fashion show.

When I entered the dojo, I was greeted by loud chatter, careless laughs, and the smell of perfume and some oldies music, all indicating a real party was already going on. Linda, most of my classmates and Bob and Peter were already in. It was amazing how other girls dealt with Linda’s unusual request. One could see all types of dresses, some more casual outfits such as a white shirt and jeans worn by Rebecca to some creative high-end pieces such as Louise's chic sequin bodycon dress. Bob and Peter just wore some fancy slim-fit T-shirts and jeans and sneakers. But still, they looked cool, their fit bodies were always their prime peacock plumage.

Linda waved at me and offered me a drink. Non-alcoholic of course. She looked completely different in a one-piece pantsuit with a floral pattern. That strict athletic trainer we used to know, now became a glamorous party enchantress.

The mood was great but unfortunately, the fun did not last long.  Linda suddenly interrupted our excited banter, turned off the music, and announced that it was time to start the class. She finally revealed why all of this.  

There are different types of high heel shoes,
all can be an excellent weapon

“Well, it was no mistake I asked you to come dressed like this. I want you to be prepared for all possible situations and most likely you won't be attacked when in sneakers and gym sweatpants. Statistics show that many sex attacks occur during parties, celebrations, team building, and other social gatherings when inappropriate sex behavior and sex attacks are driven by alcohol, flamboyant atmosphere, and revealing dresses. Importantly, always remember you can turn parts of your outfit into very useful self-defense assets. No need to carry any cumbersome and conspicuous self-dense tools, that are hard to fit in a small purse. This is the reason we are having such an unusual class today. I want you to teach me how to utilize the things you have readily at your disposal in these situations”  

She glanced at our legs. “I see most of you put on different footwear types with high heels on. Good choice! Self-proclaimed experts often say that you should prefer wearing something sportier that allows you to run away fast when needed. Hmm…Those people probably did not see Claire running from the old Tyrannosaurus in Jurassic World 😊.”

“Joking aside,” Linda continued, “If you need to run fast from any danger, obviously you should take them off, but you can also turn such footwear into an excellent weapon. Let me demonstrate.”

Take the high heel shoe off and use it as a weapon.

She removed one of her red stiletto shoes and held it in front of us. “Because of its form such a shoe is a versatile defense tool, you can use it when you still have it on your foot as a hard spikey extension of your leg or by firmly holding it in your hand. The heel part is a great poking, hooking, raking, or trampling device. The thinner and harder the heel part, the better.”  

She pointed at the black top piece. “The surface area of the top piece is app 1 to 2 square cm and when standing you exert pressure over 200 atmospheres!”

She took a walnut from her pocket, put it on the floor, and trod it. It immediately shattered into small pieces and splatted all over the place. I just recalled how difficult it was when we learned the nutcracker technique and tried to crack the walnuts in our hands.

“Not only heels but also a hard-toe box is an excellent kicking surface against any soft area on the male body.”  We all knew what kind of prime target point she had on her mind.

She asked Peter to come closer so she could show us all the possibilities for the male body's anatomical destruction. “I see an attacker approaching me, or he is close to me and already touching me without my permission and making some unwanted sexual advances. So, I take off one of my shoes. It is important to hold it like this, very firmly. I can now poke him in the eyes or hit him in the temple, and once he is now covering the injured parts on his face and being distracted, I can go downwards, and with a sharp circular motion I hook the scrotum sack, well behind like this and pull sharply outwards, like you wanted to completely remove that pendent part of his body.” We sighed as she, totally insensibly to the scared expression on Peter’s face, demonstrated the move, not forcefully but informatively. We all cringed as Peter's bulge protruded because of being hooked by Linda’s new fashion weapon of mass destruction.

Linda explained further. “This move is effective even if has his pants on, of course, the best effect can be achieved when he is in underwear or exposed.” After those words, Peter looked absolutely agitated, clearly because realizing he was not going to get away from such a type of detailed and realistic demonstration. “With the shoe still on my foot, I can kick, stomp on his instep, or rake his shin.”

She turned around so Peter appeared behind her. “Especially deadly are rear scoop or mule kicks with high heels.” To show us what she means, she swung up swiftly her leg and the stiletto gently lifted one side of Peter’s package. “When done with force and precisely, testicle destruction is inevitable,” Linda added. I don’t think none of my classmates would have any doubts the moves Linda was showing are to be devastating. Peter's expressions showed he would not either. 

“Now let’s see how it works when the target is fully exposed,” she made a commanding gesture toward Peter. Peter, obviously not that willingly, unfastened his belt and pulled down his pants and boxers. Not the first time we got a full sight of his willy and hairy young man’s low hangers, but some blushing was unavoidable.

Hook the testicles well in the groove
in the back of his scrotum and pull sharply outwards. 

“So now we have a situation where the attacker is close and exposed, he wants to proceed with a forced sexual act. No obstruction ahead, time to do the hooking unexpectedly but resolutely. But be sure you latch the top piece well in the groove of the rear skin pouch and pull as much as possible, using the momentum of your arm.” She again did that, and the scrotum was tugged upwards and away from his body. Poor Peter got lifted on his feet and moved forward to ease the pull. The two hairy oval organs jutted out and the penis got pushed to the side.  

We wanted to be sympathetic and professional but some of us could not resist chuckling a bit. The sight was simply too funny. But we understood the necessity of these demonstrations for learning the techniques and that if performed in full force Peter or any other guy would lose his two orbs forever. Linda finally eased the tug, let the male organs again hang in their place, patted relieved Peter on the shoulder, and let him take care of his little bit disturbed testicles. And we were looking forward to the following practice….

Shin, top of the foot, ball of the foot, toes? 🦶 That is the question!

At some point, I realized that one self defense technique I have rarely mentioned is the front testicle kick commonly known as the groin kick. Well, this is definitely not because I do not consider it useful, but this blog mainly focuses on overlooked last-resort self defense methods and kicking is rather a first-response move suitable mainly for the initial stages of an attack. However, I think all of you agree, it would be a big mistake not to discuss it thoroughly.

Although regarded as a staple classical technique of female self defense, it is again associated with many controversies and mixed opinions; some ‘experts’ even suggest ‘groin kicks’ should be avoided completely. The inconvenient truth is, if not mastered enough they can just fail, he might grab your leg and throw you, or if mistargeted it can just enrage him. On the other hand, a properly executed unexpected kick to the most sensitive male bits can be an immediate stop for even the most dangerous and determined attacker.

Legs offer different striking areas for kicking. 

Firstly, it is important to remember, like with kneeing, force, and precision are the most important elements of a successful kick. The up-from-under motion of the leg ensures the testicles are crushed against the pubic bone. Important is gaining the greatest momentum of your leg possible; in this way, you can lift him off the ground similarly as when kneeing testicles. When quick and unexpected, he has little chance to block or counteract it in any way. A powerful kick can be achieved by slightly stepping back and shooting the leg explosively toward the imaginary target above the genitals.  An ideal situation is when the attacker has his legs open at the point, he approaches you and squares off.

However, when reading articles and comments about female self defense there is always one unresolved issue always coming up: what should be the preferred striking area: shin, top of the foot, toes, or ball of the foot?

In one of my earlier posts, I already mentioned the testicle scoop kick, using which even the weakest woman can do a number on the attacker’s testicles combining both impact and jerking force of her toes. But what about other striking areas in normal types of kicking? You often hear advice like: Do not kick with your toes, they are too soft, you will just hurt yourself. Or: By kicking with the top of the foot you can miss, it is safer to use shin, etc. So how is it? You are probably quite interested in what Linda said about this issue. Well to be honest, there is no one right answer, it all depends on the situation and circumstances, for instance, the distance between you and him, your and his clothing or the type of your shoes, or if barefoot.

Let’s now discuss more closely and critically the different possible striking areas one by one.

The mechanics of different striking areas: (A) shin, (B) top of the foot, (C) ball of the foot, (D) toes. 

Shin (A): A very sturdy area of the leg can be used when the attacker is not close enough to be kneed in the testicles but too far away to be kicked with any distal parts of the foot. Because a quite large area, aiming does not need to be that precise, you just need to get your shin between his leg and move up, and your shin will find the desired target. The effect is like him falling on a handrailing (we all have seen the funny home videos). On the other hand, it is more difficult to get enough upward momentum without trying to kick much higher and the shin can be slowed down with his thighs.

Top of the foot (B): It is a more distal part of the leg so you can get a much better swing momentum and penetration. This area is fortified with tarsal bones, and wearing any hard shoes makes it even sturdier. Normally, the impact of the top of the foot comes from the bottom and a little bit from the back, which is advantageous, because as you already know the back of the testicles is the most sensitive due to the presence of delicate epididymis.  On the other hand, to use this area, there needs to be the right distance between you and him. Creating or getting in a convenient distance for a particular move is an overlook but essential part of self defense skills.

Kuba Kickz are handy tools
to add spikes to the top of the foot which can
do significant damage to his ballsack

Interestingly, there is a very handy self defense tool available on the market called Kuba Kickz. This small plastic thing is to be fastened between the shoelaces which just adds sharp spikes to your foot making the top of the foot a devastating prongy weapon. Linda owned one of these and showed us what those spikes do on a kicking dummy leathery bottom. Believe me, there were some indentations left behind! So don’t worry, luckily for them, Bob or Peter were excluded from the demonstration this time even if they wore cups. Still, it is not difficult to imagine what it would do with real scrotum content after a hard kick. I like they come in pink, and they are not an overly big object, but still not that inconspicuous, it is something one can wear for jogging but not a stylish piece for a formal meeting, date, or party.  I would rather avoid explaining if somebody asks: What’s that thing on your shoes?

The ball of the foot (C): In a normal situation hard to use as the whole foot would have to be raised up at a 90° angle. Also, this striking area is relatively soft and would generate rather pushing force from the front against his penis which would provide some cushion. It is hard to ensure up and under movement and crushing testicles against hard backing. On the other hand, it is a good striking area when kicking for instance from a sitting or lying position (these situations will be for sure discussed later).

Toes (D): As mentioned, toes should be utilized during scoop kicking to generate the right hooking/jerking motion. Toes are the most distal part of the limb and therefore can get the greatest momentum. On the other hand, bare toes are floppy and not as sturdy as for instance the top of the foot and a direct hit on the pelvic floor can be painful (but not even close as it is for the attacker). When wearing any pointy shoes, there is no doubt that this is the striking area of choice. Raise the tip of your shoe and drive it into his bulge explosively. The tip of the shoe has a great penetrating capacity and usually impacts just one testicle. When well placed the effect is great and can lead to testicle rupturing and him passing out. If possible, repeat the kick to ensure the complete defeat of the thug.

In conclusion, regardless of the striking area, kicking is an effective means of female self defense. There are so many more aspects to discuss in detail and of course, practicing kicking during the course was as much fun as kneeing or other techniques. I will cover it more thoroughly in some future posts.

Zap those balls! ⚡

During the last lockdown we watched with Tom a lot of movies. The selection was quite diverse, Tom likes thrillers and action movies, I rather prefer movies to be romantic or artsy, so we had to alternate styles to satisfy both of us. It somehow happened we stumbled across a movie called ‘Eight legged freaks’ about inhabitants of a small Arizona town terrorized by giant mutated spiders. Rather a B-movie sure, but I admit it was actually a quite entertaining slack, not to mention seeing young Scarlett Johansson before she became famous. In one scene Ashley (played by Johansson) and her boyfriend Bret (played by Matt Czuchry) ended up in a pickup truck in the middle of the Arizona desert. For the horny guy it was apparently a right moment to try to push their relationship to a more intimate sphere. However, Ashley wanted to keep her virginity for a little bit longer and maybe did not see that dirty truck in the dusty desert as a very romantic setting. When the overzealous boy disrespected Ashley’s NO, she took a stun gun from her handbag and zapped his balls. This made a full stop to his unwanted advances. If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t worry I won’t make any more spoilers here.

There is always a risk in disrespecting a girl's NO

Tom and I had completely different reactions to this scene; Tom commented “A hysterical bitch.” I opposed his opinion “No Tom, the boy just got what he deserved. Next time he will be more attentive to the wishes of his girlfriend.”  Tom just shook his head in disagreement but then rather focused on the following action.

These movie scenes are not always a non-realistic fiction and sometimes do provide quite good ideas on different scenarios in female self defense, often not covered by conventional courses. Self defense tools for women’s protection is a broad and interesting topic, and as other aspects of female self defense, are shrouded in many controversies and dangerous misconceptions. You can hear or read a wide range of opinions from “The best thing you can do is to buy a pepper spray, you’ll be safe” to “These stupid gadgets are just to make money and do not work.” We already talked about the pepper spray and the penis as a neglected but highly sensitive target for capsaicin. Today I will discuss the stun gun also called the electroshock weapon.

As I mentioned before, Linda has never been a huge proponent of self defense tools but at the same time she has never disregarded them. She worried they might create a false sense of security and rather emphasized the idea that a girl should always learn the hand-to-hand techniques first and then to complement these skills with a protective tool. We had a couple of sessions where she described the proper usage of some of the common ones: pepper sprays, stun guns, keychains but also protective jewelry. Attacks usually come as a surprise and the tool might be just lying in your handbag or purse when needed. For this reason, when you appear in a risky situation, for instance being in a secluded area, you should firmly hold it in your hand to have it ready for the right moment. Often overlooked and rarely discussed is the applicability of these tools for last resort self defense. Even if a tool got forgotten and left unused initially, it might come in handy at the later stage of the attack. Linda covered this aspect in great depth during one of our training sessions. She brought three different types of stun guns. One was really big and scary looking; the second one was just a right size for a small woman’s hand. But our attention really grabbed the third one which looked like a pink lipstick.

Would you guess the pink lipstick
is actually a small stun gun?

“I would definitely buy this one as it looks super inconspicuous” exclaimed Laura and immediately told us a story. Once one of her friends was talking to a bunch of guys, one of them was her secret crush. She accidentally dropped her handbag, and besides all that common girly stuff – makeups and brushes etc., a pack of condoms, a huge pepper spray and a stun gun fell out. The boy she liked joked “It seems you have prepared a whole arsenal against us.” She told me it was quite an embarrassing moment; she was blushing like hell, but saved the situation by saying “Sometimes I simply have to stimulate guys with these.”

We were all laughing. Linda commented “Yes, professional models, like this black one, are used by police and are much powerful generating several millions of volts. But the lipstick-looking one, when used properly, can be effective as well, especially if used on the most sensitive areas of the attacker’s body. Their discreet appearance and small size are a plus. I do understand a woman feels much more comfortable carrying such a cute gadget rather than a huge weaponry”. She then explained us “The principle of the stun gun is to generate a high voltage which creates an electric arc between two electrodes. The discharge causes the muscles to spasm and a lot of pain. It is a non-lethal weapon, but it leaves two burn marks which also tag the attacker. You should always aim at the most vulnerable areas such as the neck, the armpit or the genitals. The highest effect can be achieved if these points are exposed, but it works through clothing as well.” 

She then surprised us and took out a piezoelectric gas lighter from her backpack “Who wants to try out how does it feel to get zapped?” Linda asked the audience. Ana, as always, boldly volunteered. As instructed by Linda, she put her finger in the nozzle of the lighter. Linda then pressed the trigger and Ana immediately shook her hand and screamed in pain “It f.cking hurts!”

“You see, and this is not even 1000 volts. Now imagine what several million volts can do. Any other volunteers?” No surprise, there were none.

Linda then announced the next activity “OK girls, now let me demonstrate the usage of this stun gun in some common attack scenarios.” She put the middle-sized stun gun in her rocker style black handbag, hung it over the shoulder, and called out Bob and Peter to play out bad guys. For the first scenario, she asked Peter to grab her in a front bear hug. I think both boys loved, but at the same were dead afraid of these very close contacts with Linda. Some hesitation was always apparent.

Linda, in Peter's tight hold, then explained step by step what she was doing “As you can see my movement is restricted by his hands, but I am still able to sneakily put my hand in the handbag to grab my weapon. The most available area in this case is his genitals. It is the target closest to your hand and out of his sight. As soon as she was holding the gun in her hand, she quickly pressed the electrodes into Peter’s prominent bulge. Suddenly a harrowing cracking sound came out! We all got shocked, but you should have seen Peter’s face as he almost jumped out of his skin.

The silence was broken by Laura whispering in awe “Did she just zap his balls?”.  

Linda was just smiling and hugged her ‘attacker’. “Sorry Peter, that was just a sound effect, I defuncted the arc generator.” Despite that affectionate hug, Peter looked at her in anger, but as usual this was his only protest.

Proper use of a stun on exposed testicles.

After a couple of demonstrations of other types of attacks, she moved on to discuss the instances when a stun gun can be used as a last resort self defense tool. As an example, she used the case of forced oral sex. “As always, the key is to deceive him. You can for instance tell him you want to use a condom you have in your purse. This creates a window of opportunity to secretly get hold of your weapon. It is important to never telegraph your intentions, try to keep it out of his sight as much as possible. His naked testicles are an excellent target for the electrocution. The best effect can be accomplished if the electrodes are positioned one at each testicle, so the discharge arc goes all across his genitals. Additionally, if the contact is made at the back of the scrotum, it makes it more difficult for him to budge or to pry it off him. You can even push him to your weapon with the other hand. Once he is stunned, use the opportunity to deliver additional debilitating blows. Do not hesitate to make his balls ache even more. Alternatively, if he has an erection, you might consider directing the electrodes to the exposed head of his penis. Greatly effective in eliminating any dirty sexual desires as well.”

She then turned to the cringing boys, raised her mighty device and triggered that horrible sound effect again “Bob, now it is your turn to help me with the practical demonstration…”

Some like it hot! 🌶️

This post is neither about the famous American movie, nor about the current supper hot weather, but about an unknown way to use a common women’s self defense tool. I think it will be quite informative but at the same time a little bit funny.

Last week I and my boyfriend Tom had a little accident. We decided to make together a romantic evening to celebrate our 4th anniversary. You know to have a fancy dinner with some following lovemaking…We are still not keen to go out for a dinner with the current third wave, so we stayed at home. I prepared his favored chicken tacos. The dinner was great, he loved the food, but I totally ruined what was supposed to come afterwards. After some kissing and cuddling I went downstairs on him, you know what I mean. But shockingly instead of moaning from pleasure he suddenly yelled “It burns! It f.cking burns!” and jumped like a banshee. First I had no idea what happened.

“I think it’s that thing!” he pointed towards the green pieces of jalapeños in the leftovers. Then I got it, when I was chopping the jalapeños, some juices must have left on my fingers and then I transferred it on his dick head. Instead of a romantic ending that evening we were trying all sorts of remedies we found on internet, even using the ice cream we had for desert to rub it off. Grose! We could not continue with our ‘stuff’ that night. He is OK now, just that thingy stayed a little bit reddish and swollen for some time. 

capsaicin, a devilish compound

The compound which caused the burning sensation on Tom’s glans penis and foreskin is capsaicin. I do not have to tell you it is the active component of pepper sprays. Chemically it is 8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide produced by plants of genus Capsicum. It activates TRV1 receptor of skin cells which can be also stimulated by heat, that is why it gives the typical burning sensation. The glans penis and the foreskin is covered with a highly innervated mucosal layer which readily absorbs capsaicin. It is not well miscible with water, so it is difficult to wash it out. Milk or oily substances should be used instead, but I can tell, there was not much difference after the ice cream 😊   

 When used correctly, a pepper spray
 can be a woman's best friend 

Although Linda was not an enthusiastic proponent of self defense tools—she used to say “Your body parts are always readily available, the tools are usually forgotten in your purse or bag.”—we had couple of lessons she taught us the proper use of them. With the summer season I noticed there are now many alarming reports in newspapers about plummeting cases of flashers, exhibitionists, and public onanists. Linda emphasized that when we encounter an attacker with exposed genitals, we should remember there are two great targets available for our pepper spray. After getting his eyes and mouth do not forget to spray him down there as well. If you do not believe what is the effect of a pepper spray on an exposed penis watch this prank video:

  https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1970613749835377

You can expect the same dramatic effect on your attacker. While he is focused on his ‘helmet on fire’, he forgets his other sensitive organs become fully unprotected and available for follow up techniques.  A nice well placed testicle kick or a knee would for sure double remind him he should have kept his filthy genitals in his pants.

Peter peppers

As always, our self defense class would not be complete without a practical demonstration. This time Linda brought a pair of red chili peppers she grows in her garden. “These are quite rare, called Peter peppers as they come in a shape of penis,” she said as she showed them to us. We all gawked at the little ‘penises’ in amazement. Linda immediately warned us “Well, do not even think to use them for what you are maybe thinking about. The vagina is of course highly sensitive to capsaicin as well.”

 “This one really looks like the penis of our Peter,” humorously commented Ana, referring to the shape of a partially exposed penis head. We all chuckled as she was spot on, Peter’s foreskin, although he is not circumcised does not fully cover his glans penis.

Penis with partially exposed
head similar to Peter's, highly
susceptible to 'peppering'

Linda nodded, “Good observation Ana. Circumcised penises and those of Peter are of course very susceptible to ‘peppering’, even when they are in a relaxed state.”

Linda immediately proposed “Let’s put this to the test!” Boys were working out on the other side of the training room, while we had this interesting theoretical lecture. Sometimes it was better they did not hear what we were talking about.

Linda squashed one of the peppers in her hand.

“Peter come over here! We just want to test something.”

When he unsuspectedly came close to her. She just quickly slipped her hand in his shorts and took it out. The reaction of Peter does not need to be described, based what you already read in this post you can imagine.... The theory was readily confirmed…

I conclusion I highly recommend buying a pepper spray and do not forget to use it on both of his heads. When cutting chilies use gloves and wash your hands thoroughly afterwards especially when you want to make some lovemaking 😊.