Since I started this blog, I received quite some emails, most are very supportive, some critical (as often are the comments). Today I would like to share (with her permission) an email I received from a girl named Claire about her very interesting experience. I consider her account as a very valuable addition to the ongoing debate about ball myths and the philosophy of teaching self defense to young women particularly the differences in attitudes between male and female instructors.
Dear Wendy,
My name is Claire,
and I just discovered your amazing blog. I study journalism and social science and
I am about to graduate next year. I find the discussions on your blog quite fascinating
uncovering some overlooked gender issues. I even considering doing my master
thesis on the subject. I understand that from a male perspective, it is a very unpleasant and touchy subject, that’s why the responses are not always positive. Let me share a story
from a couple of weeks ago which was for me quite eye-opening and completely
changed my opinion how self-defense should be taught.
At the beginning
of this semester my good friend convinced me to attend a female self-defense course
organized by our university. I heard some horrible stories about sex offences
which happened recently, so I decided to give it a try.
The whole
course consisted of two parts, one was theoretical about crime and rape
prevention and the second one, which lasted for three weeks was about physical deterrence.
We were divided into two groups of approximately 10; one group was led by a
male and one by a female instructor. I was in the first group with Gerry, approximately
35 years old assistant professor from the sports department. He claimed he does
several martial arts including karate and aikido, holding I don’t know which
dan…even went to London Olympics…. He often wore a black kimono probably to highlight
his seniority. Not exactly my type, but he was fit and good-looking, and I
suspect that some of my classmates had a crush on him 😊
All the
time he acted like he is the best expert in self-defense in the whole world. I
did not like how cocky and opinionated he was.
Regarding
the content of the course, I must say, his classes were dead boring and to me
appeared totally useless, I often regretted I had to skip my favorite callanetics
classes. The training looked basically all the time the same; he showed us a
particular technique, usually to get out from a hold or grab and then we were
supposed to repeat it and practice, either with him or in pairs. There was hardly
anything on last-resort techniques. It was far from the fascinating and novel
course you had with Linda.
For
instance, he never mentioned testicles as a possible target…or actually, he mentioned
that we should never attempt to kick or knee the groin, because it is
dangerous, an attacker expects it and that we can lose balance…basically all
the myths you debunk in your posts. Girls
should, according to him, aim their kicks only at shins or knees cos a regular woman
is not able to aim and kick higher. I am not an expert in self-defense by any
means, never done any martial arts but come on, the things he thought were so
unrealistic, consisted mainly of throws, pushes and elbow hits.
One evening Helen, the instructor of the second group got sick and we had to have the class together. This time we learned how to get away when an attacker stands close by and grab our hands. The idea was to twist the wrist to release our hand from the grasp, hit his nose with the palm and at the same time put one leg behind the attacker and try to trip him and push him down. Practicing this technique obviously caused us a lot of frustration. I don’t know how he got an idea that tripping a well-built man is a good self-defense move for an average college girl. Gerry became quite arrogant, criticizing us, having some stupid demeaning comments, and just adding to our frustration.
There was a
moment one girl, her name was Nadia was supposed to perform this move with
Gerry playing an attacker. Nadia joined us from the other group and was a bit
older than most of us, I think she was already a graduate student. So he grasped
her hand to simulate an attack. But unexpectedly, Nadia instead of that awkward
maneuver she was supposed to do, completely out of the blue, she stepped forward,
quickly and sharply raised her knee and hit him right there …. you know the
testicles! Because no groin techniques were ever trained, I suspect he never
wore a cup. The bulge of his sweatpants got deformed, screamed horribly and immediately
dropped to the ground. We all looked at him in awe. He was rolling on the floor
cursing in apparently great pain. 
A man is as strong as his weakest point
Nadia was terrified,
she squatted next to him and started to apologize profusely. But he just
angrily rebuffed her focusing on his anguished male organs. Maybe to save the awkward
situation one girl broke the silence and humorously commented “Well, that worked!” We started to chuckle, and another
girl added “Seems, Nadia should be our new
instructor!” another girl added “Heard something got cracked! Icepack?”
I was a bit
appalled by those sarcastic comments. You know we were just students, and he
was a young professor, who just got in an embarrassing situation and is possibly
injured. Of course, he did not share any humor with us, he just looked at us
with an angry red face and called off the session and asked us to leave. 
Nadia should be the one
wearing a black kimono
In the locker
room, we gathered around Nadia to get an explanation.
Nadia told
us that the last session with Helen they learned to get away from a similar
situation, and a knee strike was involved and somehow the whole thing came
automatically. She said I got really scared I ruptured his testicles I could feel
the soft tissue being crushed with my knee. I am so sorry; I had no idea how effective
it can be.
We were
quite supportive, absolutely not blaming her. One girl said “Don’t feel sorry, you only broke his ego. He should have worn the cup,
come on, this is a self-defense class one should expect their balls to be
kicked!”
Nevertheless, Gerry did not come for the next class. We finished the remaining two classes with Helen. What a change it was! She was much much better teacher, and Wendy, imagine she used the word testicles instead of groin! We had some concerns about Gerry, but she assured us he is fine, he sustained a mild bruising in one testicle and in her words “The functionality of the organs got retained.” She said he took a break, teaching self-defense to young women can be quite grueling sometimes. 😊
She told us
that what Nadia did, is a simple and effective defense move, and any instructor
should not be ashamed to teach it and have the trainees to practice it. She
also blamed Gerry for not wearing a cup, such carelessness was just calling for
disaster. If Nadia kneed with a bit more force it indeed could lead to a
rupture or torsion, possible permanent injuries. But if facing a rapist this
should be our goal. She even gave us some tips how this can be easily accomplished.
We also
discussed the grab-twist-pull method in detail. One girl even suggested having
Gerry as a ‘training dummy’ so we can learn this important method in real! Helen
was laughing with us, but she rejected the proposal “A good idea, but I don’t want
to lose my tenure.” You were lucky you got Bob and
Peter for Linda’s course. I think Helen should also look into such possibility.
I see a lot of my male cheeky classmates for whom the serving in such a course
as your ‘darling attackers’ would be only for their good 😊
The course
was not long but I was amazed on the differences in attitude and approach
between those two instructors, and I regret we hadn’t done the whole physical
part with her. We had just two classes with her, but we left the course more
confident and empowered and prepared for this dangerous word.
I don’t want
to generalize but it indeed seems that female self-defense instructors perform
better, and I can only recommend to specifically look for such courses.
My best
wishes and I hope to read more about this topic on your blog,
Claire
Thank you Claire for this very interesting and empowering story, I wish you very best luck in writing your thesis, do not hesitate in consulting me with anything. And be safe. Wendy
