Blind, choke, desex! 👀(first part)

Over time, I noticed that some readers of my blog might have gotten the wrong idea that Linda focused her training solely on techniques related to the testicles. As a result, both she and I were accused of having an unhealthy obsession with this area and hatred towards men. However, this is far from the truth. She taught us a comprehensive self defense system, in which the vulnerability of the testicles is just one, albeit important, element. I do realize that my bold and sometimes cheeky writing style may make some readers uncomfortable, but my intention isn't to shy away from such important, often life-saving topics. I aim to share what I learned from Linda’s course openly, which was based on her research findings, real-life experience, and extensive reviews of successful cases, suggesting that targeting the testicles provides the best opportunity for effective defensive counteractions.

Man's eyes can be beautiful, but also important
"high balls" target in female self defense

Linda trained us to handle various attack situations, equipping us with a comprehensive set of physical and psychological techniques and strategies. A key part of the course was to develop a thorough understanding of the male body and how to target its vulnerabilities, both physical and mental. Linda consistently emphasized that every man has delicate "crown jewels"—two high balls (eyeballs), two low balls (testicles), and a small protruding apple from the neck. All are very fragile, breakable, and arranged along the center of the body at a comfortable distance.

Every man fears losing them, protects them anxiously, and our task was to learn how to create the perfect unexpected “jewel heist”. Do you remember Linda's ideal deadly sequence for dealing with a dangerous attacker: “Blind him first, then choke him, and before saying bye-bye, desex him! He cannot rape you if he cannot see, cannot breathe, and cannot breed!”. Who wouldn’t love her hilarious mottos, mnemonics, and metaphors!

Following the recommended sequence to shut down all vital functions may not always be possible. Some sensitive spots may be more or less accessible, or not accessible at all, during different stages of an attack or in various situations. To open the window of opportunity, the principles of distraction and deception are therefore crucial. I already wrote about Adam's apple a long time ago, but what about the balls?—hmm, I mean eyeballs 😉.

Many “self-proclaimed experts” often claim that the eyes are the ultimate target in female self defense, and it's a mistake not to communicate this way. I’ve received plenty of such comments on my blog. I avoid ranking anything from best to worst, but saying that “eyes are better-forget testicles” is completely untrue; this is just someone's opinion, possibly an attempt to avoid feeling uncomfortable in situations by avoiding discussing the vulnerability of male genitals.

Consider these hard facts about eyes: It is almost impossible to employ anything other than the hand and fingers, and you need to exert precise movement, which can be quite difficult in a tense situation or in the dark. To do so, you still have to move your hand quite high, which can be a problem in close quarters or if he is holding your hands. Those who say testicles are too small targets might forget that eyeballs are also not very large objects; last time I checked, men are not big-eyed mignons 😶. The attacker also doesn’t just stand there; there is a natural protective reflex—he can pry off the hand performing the eye gouge or blink and move away when something comes close to his eyes. Don't you do the same? Attacking eyes might be repulsive for some women, but that can be true for testicles as well.

Play-along tactics, distraction, and deception are often
necessary for the execution of devastating eye attacks. 

Regarding the pros, eyeballs are extremely delicate, highly sensitive sphere organs protected solely by soft eyelids. A successful blow can result in serious outcomes, including intense pain, shock, excessive tearing, disorientation, and possibly temporary or permanent blindness in severe cases. The psychological effect on the attacker is also significant, inducing a fear comparable to losing testicles. 

Nevertheless, the eye sensitivity represents a crucial element in Linda's concept of distraction and deception, which I have already discussed in one part. If an eye attack succeeds, it temporarily stuns him and creates opportunities for follow-up strikes, including targeting our favorite sensitive dangling bits below. The good thing is that there's a convenient distance between the upper and lower parts. He might block one strike, but simultaneously, he's likely to fail to protect the other vulnerable spot, destined for a defeat and possibly losing something even more valuable…

What is rarely discussed is that male eyes are not only important because they are a physically vulnerable organ, but also because they provide sight, which can be easily used to our advantage; to occupy his mind and lower his guard, even increasing the sensitivity of the testicles due to arousal which is associated with increased blood flow into the genitals. Remember, men are extremely visually driven; a trigger of sexual excitement is often necessary to start the sneaky play strategy. Just a quick glance at a woman’s breasts will make him preoccupied and thus a much easier opponent.

Mirabelle plums are excellent eye simulants
for training serious techniques. 

Eye gouging should be performed as a stealthy attack, often by pretending to initiate a kiss or cuddle. Poking with fingers in a V formation can be done when the situation permits, and it must be non-telegraphed. As for other techniques, precise, unexpected, and quick execution is crucial. Training eye-targeting techniques is a serious matter and can be highly dangerous for both parties. As much as we were all for the most realistic training, we didn't want to harm Bob and Peter's beautiful eyes, so Linda secured a realistic rubber head with detailed eyes and a scary expression. It was quite durable equipment, surviving our wildest attacks when we went nuts. 

Like for testicles, she used fruits of appropriate size and texture to mimic the feel of real ones, including texture and resistance before rupture. Litchi fruits would be ideal, but are hard to get. However, Linda's Mirabelle plum tree in her orchard provided plenty of versatile, crushable, disposable training objects. The bigger served as testicles, the smaller as eyes…

 

To mash two potatoes 🥔🥔- introduction to stomping

Among the most brutal techniques of female self-defense are those in which a woman employs her strongest weapons—her legs—against an attacker on the ground. Many commenters asked me about stomping and whether I could make a post about it. This prompted me to do so, as stomping is an incredibly important so-called finishing technique.  Superficially, it might sound straightforward, but it can still be done incorrectly, missing the mark and in the end, compromising successful defense. Initially, I thought it would be just one post, but then I realized there were so many things to be properly communicated and discussed, so I decided to split it into several parts..

The last thing the attacker's testicles see...

Getting an attacker down is one thing, but ensuring he stays there while you make your way out safely is another. This is where stomping techniques come in handy. The prime target is obviously the attacker's testicles, but useful secondary targets include the knees, ankles, Adam's apple, nose, temples, and spine. One commenter posted a clip from a 2024 horror movie, MaXXXine, in which the heroine crushed the testicles of a potential killer with her stiletto heel. This is not just a work of fiction, but a good representation of a possible real scenario, taking advantage of the attacker's vulnerable position and the devastating capability of a spiked high heel.

You can incorporate a grinding movement
at the end, like you want to put out the cigarette bud. 

As I mentioned earlier, Linda often used vivid analogies to help us understand the mechanics of each move. She compared them to the principles of various types of machinery, as well as her favorite kitchen tools and utensils (sometimes quite unusual, I would say). When it comes to stomping, she referred to two metaphors: the drop hammer and the potato masher, which I think are very fitting, don’t you? Unlike front kicks, which require significant upward momentum and long-distance aiming, here, natural strength and weight are used to drop the leg down sharply on the vulnerable target with great force, making it one of the most powerful moves. It’s not just some kind of light stepping or trotting; the leg needs to be raised high and pushed with full force in the downward thrust. "Invite also the gravity to do the job," Linda said. What makes it so deadly is the key principle of pressing the soft target between two very hard surfaces. Plus, at the end, you can incorporate a merciless grinding movement, like putting out a cigarette, to inflict further serious damage, often a multilateral rupture.   

Two potatoes to be mashed together 

In Linda’s visualization, it was like preparing mashed potatoes with a potato masher, vigorously compressing the boiled potatoes between the masher and the bottom of the bowl and using a swirling grinding motion until they turn into a fine mush... just to add some butter, a splash of milk, and salt... a yummy side dish… 😊 Testicles might be a bit tougher than two boiled potatoes, but they are mashable anyway, especially if you use the technique correctly. 

There are several aspects to consider: the position of the attackers, whether he is facing belly down or up, and, of course, your position, how close you are to the attacker, and the availability of vital targets on his body.   As with other techniques, a good command of male anatomy is crucial; it is important to understand the position of testicles and that a sizable penis can provide some inconvenient shielding

The ideal striking area, whether barefoot or wearing light shoes, should be the heel of your foot, supported by a strong calcaneus bone. In some cases, the ball of the foot can also be utilized. When wearing shoes, the entire sole is robust and suitable for striking, but the most effective option is undoubtedly the stiletto heel, which can easily crush or puncture the soft target due to its pointed shape. The attacker's position also affects the choice of action. If he is facing down and exposed, the testicles may rest on the floor, creating a hard backing surface; if he is facing up, the backing is his pubic bone. In this situation, the correct angle is vital—striking just straight down might only impact his pubic area and/or penis.

The stomping technique depends on the position of your attacker. 
(A)  If the attacker is lying face down, you can squash the testicles between the ball of your foot and the ground. 
(B) If the attacker is in the position face up, use your heel and the backing of the pubic bone to squash the testicles. 

The moment he falls, he instinctively spreads his legs to futilely gain balance and soften the impact of landing on his back. Once he is on the ground, initially startled, usually after a hit to his testicles, he instinctively covers his genital area with his hands and presses his thighs together to prevent further danger to his already injured genitals. Here, quickness, precise targeting, and sufficient downward force are essential.  So once he meets the ground in a splayed position, use the first opportunity to execute the strike as quickly and cleanly as possible, without wasting time, yet ensuring it's resolute. If the situation allows, control his legs to keep them apart and the desired target accessible. It might not always be possible; let’s not forget that the principle of distract and destroy applies here as well. Focus your initial strike on another target, and when he moves his hands to the injured area, target his testicles. To create a safe opening, it’s best to stomp on the knee first to tear ligaments, causing him to bend the leg in pain, which provides a convenient opening for you. The most lethal action Linda showed us is to put him in a wheelbarrow position, a deadly hold he can't escape from, and giving you a freeway to his scrotum.  

Usually, the first stomp is all it takes, often sufficient to cause him to pass out and leave him with seriously damaged testes. However, if necessary, perform the move repeatedly with no remorse or hesitation. Once it is clear he is done and you have made some “mashed potatoes”, you can flee. In this case, using Bob and Peter to learn the principle and to aim for the right spot was extremely helpful…and fun. It was heartbreaking to see them lying helplessly on the floor, looking up in despair and hoping our leg flying down would just stop right before contacting their fragile reproductive organs…otherwise…  Luckily, it always ended well for them…and the following training of grinding was then rather a massage of their testicles.  To be continued…
 
 
 

Jawbreakers 👄🍭 part 1

Popping a grape with teeth

There is possibly no topic more controversial than biting as a last resort of self defense technique, and several impatient commenters have been asking me to cover this issue for a long time. Maybe I delayed writing about it because it requires my earnest engagement. Not surprisingly, getting the concept of biting right was an essential part of Linda’s course curriculum. She always mentored us that it is important to keep our teeth set in good condition not only for health and beauty but also because one day can serve as a reliable secret weapon for some of the most effective (and surely brutal) self defense counteractions when in close quarters. Linda once said: “Don’t be discouraged that many consider biting some kind of pathetic girly fighting. You got to do what you got to do, which includes inflicting some serious injury by all means possible.” Linda always stressed she does not teach martial arts or sports but no-rules survival tactics and biting is undoubtedly one of such effective strategies highly applicable for certain situations.

Biting as an intimate activity can be also a good training 

Firstly, you have to understand what Linda meant by ‘biting’. It is not some kind of playful nibbling at erogenous zones that you do with your boyfriend as part of cute aggression during foreplay (no secret here, have a lot of experience with Tom) but once you decide to go this way, it has to be violent: sinking the teeth deeply in, munching, gnawing,  popping, or tearing to remove chunks of weak parts of male body parts: ears, lips, nose, tongue and not surprisingly also glans penis and testicles. Linda called these techniques jawbreakers—large American-style layered hard candies in the shape of large balls, you lick or put into your mouth and suck on it. Attempting to crush it, without softening puts your jaws and teeth at risk of damage, but when defending, this should be your least concern. As always, she also gave appropriate names for separate wounding techniques, usually referring to kitchen gadgets. I guess you can imagine what the cucumber slicer or cherry pitter means. Sorry for making you cringe, but it always helped with visualization and understanding the principle.

One of the downsides is it can be repulsive and when executed as required, it results in drawing the attacker’s blood and a serious risk of infection. Hence biting should be resorted for situations when no other options are available, for instance, your limb movement is restricted, your hands are tied, or when needed to be employed for additional strikes. Logically using teeth is possibly the most applicable during forced oral sex when those delicate male appendages are almost offered to you to take a good bite and send him into shock.  

American candy called jawbreaker gave the name to techniques
involving the mouth. They even come in egg shape 

Most of you are often extremely triggered by the fact that we were lucky to be granted the extraordinary opportunity to test our skills on our ‘toothsome’ darling attackers Bob and Peter.  Their involvement in our training and practice, was not a walk in the park for them, sure, and as for other techniques they had to offer even their most precious, bare reproductive organs for our ‘exploration and exploitation’. There is no learning without doing, no exceptions, sorry boys!😉  Of course, we did not bite Bob and Peter’s penis heads off or make chewing gums from their testes. Linda responsibly oversaw us and enforced a safe concept of exercises, but also carefully accommodated our different needs: some of us were shyer than others, some took (maybe too seriously) the issue of safety and sanitation, and some were concerned about ethics and Bob and Peter's well-being. But her arrangements and adjustment to the curriculum never came at the expense of our proper training. Understandably no excessively hard, skin-breaking pressure was allowed (this was reserved for genital substitutes only), but still, those two poor heroes left the dojo with some visible bitemarks on their willies and beans having something to explain to their girlfriends😊.

It sounds unfair and overboard but it brought a lot of fun, and creativity as well as blushes on faces, especially of those coursemates not accustomed to bringing out their fangs in bed.  Who would think there is a whole science behind the method of sucking a whole scrotum in the mouth,  firmly securing an ill-fated testis in the right place between molars before crushing it into oblivion like a grape, or how to completely severe the male head, I mean the one down there? It was as it sounds: dramatic, drastic, and deadly, and those who pity Bob and Peter I can't blame you. Just listening to Linda's detailed instructions, safety warnings and expected results made them a bundle of nerves.  Having a willing male partner and peppering your sex life with soft biting is of advantage, but in this post, I would like to touch upon the possible equipment, helpful for everyday routine and fostering your skills. Most of them you can buy in a local grocery store or even bake for yourself.  

Veggies and fruits: These are not only a healthy and tasty part of the diet but also affordable and easily accessible. Luckily we got tons of free supplies from Linda's garden. Their downside is that many do not represent either the right consistency, texture, or shape and size. Cucumbers and carrots are some of those obvious ones and can represent an erect penis, but biting through them is simply too easy. Testicular substitutes can be small fruits but be careful not to use those having a stone. Good examples are smaller unripe kiwis or cherry tomatoes. Just an advice, always wash the fruit/vegetable beforehand to remove the harmful pesticides and dirt.

Licorice penis batons 

Candies: Do you know those Chupa Chups lollipops with a spherical hard shell with a juicy chewy surprise insight? I was crazy about them when I was younger, I always could not resist, after softening it a bit by sucking and licking, then gnawing at it hard to crush it to get to the sour fruity but refreshing chewing gum. These threats are obviously quite unhealthy, they put in a lot of additives and colorants and tons of sugar, but as an occasional joy, I think it is acceptable. Good news, from now on, you can always justify buying them with the additional benefit of testicle-crushing training. 😊 On the other hand, I am not a big fan of licorice, but some licorice sweets often come in the shape of batons and even penises and have favorable firmness and chewy consistency. Unfortunately, their size is often too small for proper penis analogs. However, I found numerous recipes online, so you can actually bake them at home in the right size and shape. Sounds like a fun weekend activity, doesn’t it?

Realistic vibrators can be also
a multipurpose equipment  

Meat: Meat and meat products are possibly the closest substitutes for human anatomical parts when it comes to consistency. Taking large bites like a hungry lioness from a rare steak or ‘decapitating’ a hard paprika sausage to practice flesh-tearing and chopping skills can be another excuse not to always eat according to modern healthy nutrition recommendations.  

Sex toys: These can be quite expensive and nobody wants them destroyed in no time, even for the sake of self defense training, trust me.😊  However, their advantage over above mentioned substitutes is they come in a quite realistic shape, size, and texture. These true-to-nature substitutes can be used for acting out scenarios and a play-along approach with a dramatic ending. Some types of vibrators have a nice realistic set of silicone balls which can be highly applicable for practicing quick and secure sucking in testicles even those not so low hanging.

These are my tips but if you know any other good male genital substitutes let me know in the comments. To be continued…..

 

To make egg sandwiches 🥪

Men spread their legs when sitting.
This puts them in a vulnerable position. 

 In one of the previous posts, I already talked about the phenomenon of how men tend to sit in a relaxed position with their legs spread at a wide angle. The reason for this is anatomical as well as sociological and psychological. Today I want to look at this issue from the important self defense perspective. As I mentioned several times, Linda went far in the idea that we learn to react effectively in all possible circumstances with all available tools. One such, often-neglected scenario is when the attacker is sitting or in a reclined position. This can for instance happen during a date rape attempt, office harassment, in the car when encountering the wrong guy during hitchhiking, or when enjoying the sun in the park on a bench and some pest starts bothering you. Luckily, Linda provided valuable tips and tricks for these situations and highlighted the most applicable techniques. Of course, our two darling attackers Bob and Peter did not dodge their duty and were heavily involved in the related educational and training process. We learned that it does not take much to turn the tables and to use male anatomy and macho behavior to our advantage, the lesson, our two guys learned is to never blatantly spread legs or… 😊

Linda explained to us: “You probably noticed when a man rests on a seat, he often assumes a typical male pose, legs spread to give his testicles some ease and air to breathe but at the same time it puts him into a vulnerable position as it also creates a convenient opening for certain types of strikes. However, some staple techniques such as kicking and kneeing are not generally applicable, grabbing is, but getting a good lock on a partially seat-shielded scrotum can be tricky, as opposed to a freely hanging sack. Punching with the fist ultimately appears to be the best option but it must be done properly to get the best result. For instance, a hammer fist is not something I recommend, let me show you why.” She took a small apple from her bag, possibly the latest harvest from her orchard, and put it on the wooden bench. “Look, in a classical hammer fist strike, if I hit this apple like this, despite quite good momentum, my hand bounces up and the power dissipates because of the low hardiness of the striking surface, the bottom of the fist. It surely hurts…. but rather my hand.” She demonstratively smashed the apple like a mallet with quite some force, yet causing only mild distortion of the fruit.

Forming the N sign with your fist
creates a deadly striking weapon.  

“Now to do significant damage, you should fold your hand like the letter N in sign language”,  of course, we stared at her confused so she immediately explained “Like this”, she swung her arm up for us to see. “Put the thumb below the pointer and middle finger, which you bent so their knuckles protrude sharply outward in a V shape. See how the thumb firmly fixes the bent fingers. This is a great striking piece for any soft targets including testicles.” She turned her deadly weapon towards us and tapped the sharp double bump with the other hand’s fingers to make the point. Then she swung her arm up and impacted the same apple from above, using those two knuckles as a spear. A horrible crushing sound followed, the apple got almost completely split and the pieces of apple splashed all around. “Target destroyed!” commented Linda her success with obvious satisfaction, as she wiped off the apple remnants from her fingers.  

The sandwich maker gave the name to a
brutal technique of female last resort self defense 

“When striking testicles, ideally each knuckle is intended for one of his testicles. In many cases, this is not possible, especially because of the shielding by the penis, but you can do a number just on one testicle as well, especially if you manage to follow the right angle. What helped me crush this apple was the hard bottom support of the wooden bench. When a man sits, consider the relaxed freely hanging testicles resting on the seat surface. In this case, the best if the strike comes from above or at least at a 45° angle to sandwich the organs between the seat and your fist. That’s why I call this method a sandwich maker because it reminds me of how I prepare my favorite sandwiches with poached eggs. It is like clapping the hot top metal plate of the appliance and sandwiching the delicate juicy eggs between the two toast bread slices. They stay compressed and sealed between the toasts …an excellent quick lunch, or when traveling… highly recommend…. yummy.”  After this quick culinary tip, she went back to the main topic of the session. “So visualize you are making a sandwich with his ‘not-so-hard eggs’ as a filling between your fist and the seat.”  As always, as oddly as they sounded, these ‘fruity and eggy’ approximations actually helped. At that quick instance, we all imagined making a ‘testicle sandwich’, and such weird surreal thinking drew grins on our faces.

Visualize preparing a sandwich from poached eggs.  

Linda continued “This method works perfectly on low-hanging scrota, if he has already removed his pants and underwear, and you can visually locate the target. Even if not, you can perform the move anyway. In this case, however, the strike must come in a horizontal line, imagine your fist is like a piston and the arm is a drive rod, the hard backing is his pelvis bone.”  She made us make a few rounds with our arms like an old-type locomotive. “You often cannot see the target because you are positioned sideways or because of his clothing. It does not matter, you can effectively use the contour of his leg to guide your fist toward the opening between his penis and inner thigh, directly into the goolie, left or right, depending on your position. As the piston of an engine…hit continuously as many times as possible in quick succession.” added our self defense guru.

Linda suddenly turned her head towards the opposite corner of the dojo, where our two darling attackers were innocently relaxing on a bench. In the beginning likely just checking the latest results of sports competitions or playing games on their smartphones but Linda’s loud apple-crushing routine grabbed their attention and now they both looked quite concerned. Linda turned back to us. “You see, both are in their typical comfortable position with their legs open, excellent, it calls for some real demonstration!”  We followed Linda and surrounded the guys in a semicircle, in anticipation of another interesting presentation.

The sandwich-making technique.
Compress the testicles between the knuckles of the pointer
and the middle finger and the hard backing of the seat. 

Linda sat next to Bob and gently put her hand on his shoulder. This was maybe to ease the anxiety, which was obviously not ungrounded.  She looked into his eyes. “I must show the girls something and need you to ‘go like Adam’.” Knowingly he couldn't get away from her demands he followed the code and shyly pulled his gym shorts and briefs down and sat again but this time he somewhat instinctively closed the gap between his legs and got into a more decent pose. To Linda’s dissatisfaction. “Sit like before”, she requested resolutely and once he, still a bit reluctantly did, she started the detailed explanation. Some of the girls came closer so they better see between his legs, they knew it was the place where the show takes place.

“Ladies, look at his testicles resting on the seat surface protected by his flaccid penis laying on them.” She used her finger to point at the area of interest where the two hairy orbs met the wood of the bench. “If my fist comes from above, I can easily forcefully compress them, and they have no room to escape.” She formed an N sign fist, pushed the soft penis to the side, and gently pressed the full sack, each knuckle one testicle till they bulged under the pressure, like two balloons before bursting. Luckily she did the demonstrative move only for short and without passing the danger threshold, just for us to see the mechanism and the effect.  Still, we sighted it as it looked malicious and painful. The brave young man yelped loudly and was now breathing heavily. However, it was not the end.  Linda continued “Now in a horizontal type of strike, I use his inner thigh surface as a guidance and his pelvic bone as the hard backing.” Her arm shifted the angle and performed the sandwich-making technique in that direction. She did not need to push the penis aside, the convenient crevice was there, just his right testicle was unlucky this time. Once she released the push, I noticed the fear-shriveled scrotum turned a bit reddish as well as Bob’s face. “In real life, use the greatest momentum of your arm to gain the full force and speed for explosive punching. Then a testicular rupture is ensured.” She patted him on the head as a sign of appreciation for his help. The visible sign of relief on Bob’s face was telling.  He deserved a break so she turned to Peter waiting disquietly. Luckily for him, this time she did not ask for genital exposition, as she sought we see the action in such a situation.

Play along approach can be the best strategy
for executing the right techniques
including the sandwich maker.

“Let's play out a common scenario. Peter is going to be a young over-amorous guy who sat next to me on a park bench and starts to misbehave, being rude and touching my boobs, without permission. He looked at Peter, which meant ‘Action!’ He very shyly wrapped his right arm around Linda’s back, so his hand reached Linda’s right boob. This would normally mean came his lucky day, but he knew, that luck wouldn't last long. For an overconfident horny attacker, his face looked too nervous. Linda shook her head “What a shy bogus attacker, please give it more passion!” Peter gathered all his courage and grabbed the big boob like a real man, even smirking a bit to display his gained confidence and bravery. Linda smiled back. “That’s better!”

Linda communicated her plan “To get rid of him, I apply a play-along approach. I return his interest and use my hand to express a sign of sexual favor.” She gently rubbed the young man’s muscular thigh, so passionately I could see his thin black hair stand up. The slight movement in his shorts indicated something else was moving up as well.  “He cannot see or guess my intentions. When my hand is in the right position I use the moment of his excitement that it goes his way, I quickly rotate and arch my arm, make an N sign fist, accelerate it along the thigh… and bang! and bang! again!” She did that and immediately commented on the expected outcomes. “The sharp blows stunt him, he crosses his legs to protect his testicles against further blows and puts his hands over his crotch. However,  this exposes his upper body.  I use my other hand to grab his hair and jerk his head sharply backward.” Gosh, she was rough, poor boy might lost a few hairs. She continued  “I just keep my right fist in the N sign, go up with my arm, and smash his exposed Adam's apple… and another one just for good measure,  and finally I finish with a sharp strike to his temple before I safely leave the wrecked thug and the scene.”

The whole sequence was quick, and although she softened the strikes, barely touching the male sensitive spots, poor Peter experienced quite some discomfort, his muscular body stayed folded, legs crossed, weakly whining. Well, as one could expect, grabbing Linda’s boob won't be without consequences 😉.  She ruffled his pulled aching hair and whispered in his ear “Thanks for the assistance.” The whole thing looked so wild, dangerous, and brutal, that we again sighted in awe.  After a quick moment of silence Laura excitedly asked “May we also try?” Susanne stepped in “But not before we check if they both are OK”.  “And after we eat the juicy testicle sandwiches!” added humorously Ana.  We all burst into laughter…

To hull strawberries (part 2) - death pinch 🤏

The tables turned for the guys. While Bob showed signs of relief, Peter became increasingly anxious. Death pinch sounded horrific, yet it sparked our curiosity. We all instinctively surrounded him so he could not ‘escape’ but at the same time, we felt for him. By showing affection and being kind to him we tried to mitigate his worries. Before getting to the real demonstration, Linda fetched a small chair and a thick textbook with the title Human Anatomy from the shelf in the corner of our dojo.

Peter was understandably worried but
we tried to make him comfortable.

When she returned, she waived with the book in front of Susanne. “I guess you know it well, don’t you?” Susanne nodded “Oh yes, I spent long nights with this book. I am so glad I already passed the anatomy exam!”

Linda had a pink sticky note on the page with the male reproductive system. She asked us to come closer to make a circle around her and to have a look at the detailed diagram. She started to explain things that you would normally hear during sex ed classes, not a university self defense course. Nevertheless, it was all extremely interesting and as we found out later quite relevant as well.

“Women consider testicles as some kind of two round marbles in a wrinkly skin pouch, but these organs are actually highly complicated structures. Like strawberries connected with the plant at the back allowing the flow of nutrients and water, testicles have some plumbing attached, ensuring their vital functions and all-way transport of fluids. Sperm is produced within seminiferous tubules packed inside the testes, two oval glands covered with tunica albuginea, a tough fibrous cover that acts like a shell and is not easy to rupture.” She was slowly moving her finger on the diagram to specify all the structures she was referring to.

The testicle is a complicated structure,
the most sensitive part is the epididymis
which can be easily pinched off.

“Immature sperm accumulates in the organ called the epididymis where it matures before it is released during the climax. This organ is a soft bundle of highly innervated tissue attached at one point to the back of each testis. Importantly, it is not covered by tunica albuginea and is possibly a man's most sensitive anatomical part. However, it is relatively small and hidden in the rear so not easy to target…but it is a great pressure point for hand techniques when you gained access to the naked scrotum, for instance during a successful play-along strategy. The severity of the technique used on this part can be adjusted; just light squeezing will stop any unwanted advance of a date or overzealous boyfriend and will teach him a lesson.  A full death pinch will help you to get rid of the most dangerous attackers. Maybe even forever.”

“Why is it called death pinch?” Louise broke the silence and asked innocently.  

Linda replied “Well, it was called like that by my sensei, she learned it during her service in the secret service.  It causes the death of the testicle as it cannot be repaired. It is amazing that even a pinch by a woman can cause such a drastic effect. Besides that, it is so extremely painful it can cause neurogenic shock and death of the attacker.”

You should have seen Peter's face listening to all of this and expecting to have his testicles in Linda’s hand in no time.

“For the execution of a death pinch, you need to learn to locate the structure quickly and efficiently. Let me demonstrate….”

She put the book aside and squatted in front of Peter. “Let’s see what we got.” She pulled Peter's shorts down to his knees to expose the young man's genitals.  It was hot at that time of the year, so Peter’s scrotum was hanging low, his left testicle visibly lower. The quick pull movement caused the whole hairy bag with two eggs and one meaty Frankfurter sausage to swing like a small pendulum. It somehow called for a witty comment, and Ana did not wait any longer. “Peter has got a full package!” Peter got blushing and we all giggled but it was all light-hearted. We all greatly appreciated his bravery.

Linda ordered the poor guy to remove his shorts and briefs completely and put his right leg on the chair, so she could get unobstructed access and we can get a better view of the probed object.

For training, the back of the testicles
should be probed gently like an expensive fabric. 

“Let me show you something first.” Linda gently put her hand on his inner thigh and moved it slowly up toward his genitals. Suddenly, the skin of the scrotum shrunk so the testicles bounced up, and after a short time, they went slowly down gain. Like a small yoyo! It was so funny, it looked like the testicles got scared of Linda's hand and tried to get away from her! This caused another wave of laughter.

Susanne, even without asking, explained that what we just witnessed was a cremasteric reflex. “It is the autonomous response of the nervous system, triggered by potential danger, in this case, Linda’s hand, by retracting testicles close to the body to protect them. Usually of no avail!” She sounded very sarcastic with the last comment. 

Linda smiled and nodded in agreement. She turned to Peter and looked into his eyes, “Don’t worry Peter there is no danger to your testicles, there will be just a small discomfort.” She then immediately put the fingers of her right hand behind his sac and flipped them quickly a few times like she was writing on a keyboard, so the fingertips tapped the back of the testicles resulting in Peter’s scrotum rippling. It was a gentle movement but still triggered a significant reaction. Peter bent over and released a loud uff. He pulled his leg from the chair, covered his crotch, and reproachfully looked at Linda.

She did not care. “You see, just a mild tap on that area can shoot a significant pain signal in his brain.” Then, without giving him much recovery time, she pointed with her finger at the chair as a sign he had to put his leg back and get ready for the demonstration. Although hesitatingly, he did, and she continue with her demonstration.

“Ok, let's find that magic pain button. Watch closely.” She gently took his left testicle in one hand and clutched her thumb and pointer finger of the other hand at the backside.

Locate the cord first and then move down
to find the head of the epididymis.

“To locate the epididymis, you start gently feeling the spermatic cord at the root of the testicle.” She gently rubbed the area where the testicle attaches to the body. Like this, she raised her hand and showed a mild gesture, like you would probe an expensive fabric.  

“The spermatic cord consists of nerves, blood vessels, and the vas deferens and is quite easily palpable. Once you are sure you have it, move your fingers down and it will lead you to the head of the epididymis. You will notice some kind of bump of a different texture on the top of the testis. This is the head of the epididymis.  Probe it with your fingers along its whole length so you get an idea of how it feels.” 

I noticed Peter’s body was shivering a bit and there were goosebumps on the skin of his thighs.

She suddenly changed the tone from deadly serious to playful. “Of the note girls, I read that based on the firmness of the structure you can tell if the guy ejaculated recently.” She then looked again deep into Peter's eyes. “Well, based on what I feel, I suspect your girlfriend neglects her duty.”

“We can take care of it later, right?” Rebeca nudge me with her elbow and winked at me.

Linda did not notice her comment and went on with the demonstration.

“Once you located it, you can test the sensitivity of this pain generator by squeezing it lightly. I emphasize just lightly!” The moment she said that Peter’s body suddenly spasmed and released another uff. 

Linda commented, “It is very sensitive as you can see.”

“Now to the real technique. It starts with fixating a testicle with one hand, like this.”  She encircled the testicle with her fingers, so it got completely entrapped and bulging at the back. “Once you have it securely trapped, use the thumb and pointer fingernails of your other hand to claw the structure, like a crab. It must be violent, and the nails have to be hooked and sunk deep into the tissue in the grove between the epididymis and the testis. Then add the squeezing, twisting, and ripping motion like you would remove the stem from the strawberry. Basically, you dehulled his testis and disconnect it from the main body. There is no way it can be recovered and will have to be removed. The pain completely immobilizes him and it lingers for a long time.”

The whole metaphoric expression sounded weird but at the same time spot on. Suddenly we understood why Linda brought the strawberries and let us remove stems with our fingernails at the beginning of the class. Just that we get the idea.

Emma broke the long silence. “Fuuu! That sounds horrific!” She put her head affectionately on Peter’s shoulder. “Don’t worry Peter for good guys like you it shall never happen.”

Linda surprisingly opposed that statement “Well, some attackers might look like nice and attractive guys first. Don’t get fooled easily, always be vigilant, and do not hold back when fighting.”   

 The tension on Peter's face eased only when Linda let his testicles hang freely again and she got on her feet.  

Linda clapped her hands. “Time for practice girls! Let’s go one by one, but again it is a delicate thing,  I warn you. The purpose of this exercise is to familiarize yourself with the structure and be able to find it quickly.  You are allowed to squeeze it just lightly to confirm you found the right spot. So please no dehulling.”  We all got the idea that we must be extremely careful with this one. I could not wait for m turns. Rebeca was quite impatient “Can we also get Bob for this training? You know just to try on different testicles.” She wrapped her arm around Bob's shoulder as some kind of friendly gesture. Her request was made in such a demanding tone that was hard to reject.

“Sure,” Linda nodded, “just get another chair.” I could hear a joyful yes!

The art of kneeing (part 5)

“Come over here!” Linda ordered Bob to stand beside the small punching bag. She then used her straightened hand to get the position of his testicles and by pulling the rope she leveled the small punching bag at the right height.

“Finally! The height is correct… but the size and softness are of course not!” she smiled and gently grabbed Bob’s bulge between his legs. His body frantically flinched—not from the discomfort or pain but rather from fear. Understandably, having testicles in Linda’s hand can be frightening, but this time she was just friendly teasing him. She briefly patted him on his head to thank him for his assistance and told him to step aside so she can explain to us the following activity.

“As I told you already, for perfect kneeing both precision and force work must work together to achieve the desired goal. Precision is needed to get the right spot and the maximum force ensures that a testicle or both are forcefully compressed between the striking area on your upper knee and the attacker’s pubic bone causing sufficient damage, preferably testicular rupture.”  I could see Bob and Peter winced after Linda’s comment.

Punching or speed bags are essential
equipment for mastering kneeing

“This exercise is in a way similar to football juggling, just this time with an emphasis on strength. You probably have heard of the expressions such as ‘Knee his balls up to his throat!’ or ‘Shoot them to the universe!’ These are actually very fitting metaphors highlighting the necessity of mustering great force as well as using the upward direction. Let me demonstrate.”

Linda stood in front of the bag “Imagine for a moment this speed bag is man’s testicles. The aim of this exercise is to knee the bag with all your might, so you shoot it up as high as possible.”

She explained further “You are all righthanded so use your dominant right leg; charge your body by stepping a bit back; the trajectory of your knee should follow a 45-degree angle; engage your hips to get better momentum. Also, correct breathing is crucial. You inhale deeply while you put your right leg back and exhale with a loud kiai! while bringing your thigh up explosively.  Imagine the impact zone is actually not the bottom of the bag but is positioned much higher, somewhere here, on the level of your belly button,” Linda marked the virtual impact point with her finger. “This way you fully utilize the power and momentum of your thigh,” she added.

Our teacher continued the demonstration “Simultaneously, with your hands, you are going to grab an imaginative opponent at the shoulders and pull down to increase your lift…like this.” She then performed the whole movement including horrifically sounding loud kiai!. Her knee contacted the bottom of the speed bag at high speed, released a thug sound, and sent it to a straight upward ride at least a meter in the air. Linda winked at us satisfied “You can also shout ‘crush!’ or ‘pop!’ instead if you want.”  

She then clapped her hands “OK girls, let’s make a competition, you will go in rounds, and the one who can bring it the highest is the winner.” She turned to Peter with a request “Peter, the girls will need your assistance to put the bag back and make it still after each shot so they can keep going swiftly.”

The exercise, although as weird as it sounded was again a lot of fun. And of course, ‘pop!’ was the most popular shout 😊. But OMG, the speed bag was not light at all, it had at least a few kilograms; when trying to strike it with full force, it actually hurt! So in the end, we were caressing our aching knees and thighs. Peter always quickly moved out from the spot of action in case an over-eager girl misfired, unintentionally or maybe intentionally 😉. Linda continuously commented on our tries to correct our failures, which often include insufficient breathing, not using the hips, and not fully utilizing the momentum of the thigh. We all cheered at particularly successful tries.   

Peter's sarcastic grin did not last long

It was difficult to precisely assess the height the bag reached but we agreed that Tania and Ana were the most capable and shot the bag almost as high as Linda. On the other hand, petite Laura struggled with the assignment which clearly caused some frustration, exacerbated by Peter’s ironic grin on his face. She acted up by grabbing him by the shoulders and raising her knee which stopped literally just millimeters from his manhood and mischievously shouted ‘pop!’. “Linda, I think it is the time we move on to some softer ‘poppable’ targets.” She put emphasis on the word poppable.

 We were all laughing, and Linda smiled as well  “Don’t be impatient Laura, you will get the chance to test your gained skills soon.”  I think we all knew that at some point we will train kneeing with ‘real testicles’ and were curious how it will all come about.  Nevertheless, this conversation effectively removed that sarcastic grin from Peter’s face. When Laura turned around, she purposely swung her hand back, so it made inconspicuous contact with his sensitive bits. He flinched and cried out weak auuu!. Laura turned back “What!? we haven’t started yet.”

High knee is an excellent work out exercise for
mastering kneeing 

Linda saved the day “OK girls, that is it for today, come I have some homework for you,” she waved to summon us for a talk. I see there is definitely some deficit in your physique. When I was your age, I did aerobics. It is an excellent workout system and has some excellent moves to practice self defense strikes. You do not need any equipment and you can do it basically everywhere. For the coming days, I want you to practice the so-called high knee. It is a great cardio exercise and strengthens all muscles in the legs so it should help you to improve your kneeing capability. It is like running in place, lifting your knees high, up to your chest quickly. Do it for a few minutes in the morning and in the evening.” She then stood up in front of us and showed us the exercise. “Start doing it first at a low pace; you can then gradually add more time and speed.”  Seemed easy, and I agreed with Linda we should exercise more, I was just wondering how I should explain to Tom what I am practicing this time…

to be continued...

Busting the ball myths (part three) - leave the groin on the beach!

One day in June I watched a morning TV show, and they talked about female self defense. It was rather a brief segment. A female Krav Maga instructor asked the show’s male host to play an attacker to demonstrate some basic moves. Normally a very cocky personality, he suddenly became quite shy and made a face when she said “…now knee the attacker in his groin” and her knee stopped just a few centimeters from his (quite prominent) bulge. I think these popularizations in public broadcastings are relevant, but unfortunately, often perpetuate some misconceptions. 

Using male hosts for demonstration of female self defense and
mentioning his testicles as a target can be a bit awkward. 

This time I will discuss an important aspect, and although maybe it cannot be classified as a typical myth, it significantly affects female self defense training. In one of my earlier posts, I already mentioned that one of the continuing maladies within the self defense and martial arts community is the inappropriate usage of the word groin. Why is it so important? Because it is incorrect and misleading terminology, and the wrong terminology means half-hearted and ineffectual training. If you looked up the word groin in Wikipedia you would learn that:

In human anatomy, the groin is the junctional area between the abdomen and the thigh on either side of the pubic bone. This is also known as the medial compartment of the thigh which consists of the adductor muscles of the hip or the groin muscles.

As you see, anatomically, the groin is a relatively large area of the human body and relates rather to the muscles forming this region. However, the real and intended target located there are obviously the testicles (although there are some exceptions I have not mentioned yet) and not any muscles or connective tissue. Techniques such as the kick or knee to the groin should therefore be referred to as the kick/knee to the testicles. The same for the hand-executed techniques, an instruction ‘grab his groin’ does not explain that you have to get his scrotum in a tight lock first, neither his penis nor the inner thigh or the perineum. So why do we more often hear groin instead of testicles?

There are many possible reasons. The main one is that self defense is not a pretty topic and many instructors in order to avoid any awkwardness, use more neutral wording to soften the subject a little bit, not to scare away the female course attendees. Yes, the testicles are male reproductive organs and understandably having a casual talk about crushing them between the sturdy striking area of the knee and the man’s pelvic floor on a morning TV show might be too much. A more 'tactful' language conveniently does not cause embarrassment (although it apparently still did to the show’s host 😊), it might not scare away the more sensitive and lenient of us, but it also does not help us in learning self defense in the most proper way and can be critically misleading with some deadly consequences. All women and girls, similarly to me and my classmates in Linda’s course, should be given precise information regardless of the sensitivity and controversiality of the subject. Only then we will be able to bring down our attackers on their knees, securely and in a blink of an eye. To properly kick, knee, or grab testicles, women should understand this prime target well; they should learn not to aim for the inner thigh, penis, or pubic region, they should know the location of testicles depending on the clothing, state of arousal, and immediate temperature and fully understand the desired trajectory and mechanics behind each move and the physiological and psychological effect on an attacker. With a very vague word groin, all of this is hardly possible.

Ring the two bells! 

Linda was very professional, neither she tried to sugar-coat anything, nor she made any compromises in teaching us all the dirty tricks. She did her best to be very exact and spot on, and she mainly used the medical terms testicles and scrotum. On the other hand, I admit her classes were also fun, and she did not refrain from using other metaphorical expressions, especially if it helped with understanding and visualization of a particular technique. 

Although a serious subject, female self defense does not need to be a sterile uptight activity, there is always room for using more colloquial language. There has been already a very interesting discussion going on in the blog comments and just to mention again that testicles can be called: eggs, to signify their fragility, size, and shape; nuts because of the crackability of testes or jewels being precious to the man and anxiously protected; balls as a sports equipment when explaining kicking or hitting or even bells when you need to 'ring the bell' he is about to do something wrong. In addition, sack/ball sack, bean bag, or pouch can be used for the scrotum when referring to this pendant wrinkly skin appendage.

So yes, there are plenty of synonyms and metaphors to choose from. I found out that the English word groin is also used for coastal structures built to prevent erosion of a beach. So maybe we should leave the groin on the beach 😊.