Chopping two gnarls 👋

Two woody gnarls are like two testicles.
These are more difficult to chop, though 

I envy Linda her nice romantic house in the countryside with a large orchard. However, she always told us that besides all the joy, it also comes with hard work. It is not just about collecting the rich harvest, processing and preserving it, or using round and soft gifts of nature as a male organ substitute in her intensive self-defense classes. It takes a lot of time and effort to prune young trees, protect them from pests, remove dead branches, and then take care of the remaining logs, which she uses as firewood. Imagining her, a respected female academic and coach, as an agile lumberjack swinging vigorously with an axe, was mildly amusing. But I guarantee, it was not just her bragging; she is a strong, fit woman of many skills. 

She claimed: I own a high-quality axe with a sharp blade and can split even the thickest log in two with just one precise swing. Some of my trees are already old and often must be cut down completely. I noticed the woody knots or gnarls often resemble one or two balls on a trunk or branch, but unlike those of men, these are extremely hard to split. With the right technique and the properly maintained tools, it can be accomplished without much effort.   

You cannot carry your axe
with you all the time 

The numerous anecdotes, old sayings, and words of wisdom she told us occasionally were not only to bring some cheers but often carried strong metaphors that helped us to grasp the core essentials of her unique concept of female self-defense. Her talking about everyday gardening and care of fruit trees and cooking were no exception. She once told us that in different forms, an axe has been used as a weapon for centuries. Even Amazon warriors are often depicted with an axe. Of course, you cannot carry such an armory with you all the time, but your limbs can serve as a nifty substitute. She told us to imagine our arm as a handle, and our hand as the head of an axe. With such a natural axe you can perform a so-called karate chop or knife hand strike a deadly technique in many martial arts. 

To make a point she even once demonstrated the power of such a blow by breaking a wooden board like a real karate master. Linda left us thinking what if a ball-shaped soft object was put on it, an egg, or an avocado? No doubt such a chop will cause complete obliteration of such a fragile object approximating male gland. 

As always, she provided us with many important details, tips, and tricks and allowed us to put our newly gained knowledge to the test. Let's now look at the bolts and nuts of this technique. Chopping with a hand can be done to any soft target on a male body: temple, nose, Adam's apple, but obviously, the best target is his testicles. In this case, Linda even had a name for it: Testicle Karate Chop, or in short TK-chop.

With a powerful chop you
can break a board or a testicle

 Such a resolute TK-chop to his most sensitive bits with your hand can be quick and unexpected as the hand is already approximately at the height of the groin, so it can be done for instance when caught in a bear hug—rear or front—or for example if being choked or even when freeing another woman from an attacker. 

You can strike forward or backward or even upward depending on your and his position. TK-chop is generally more powerful than a slap, if done correctly it can easily cause some serious testicular injury. Its effectiveness lies in combining a relatively small striking area and quick but powerful momentum. The advantage of TK-chop, as opposed to the classical hammer fist strike, is that the open hand is a narrow yet weighty object and can penetrate through the gap between the legs much more easily, the thighs will guide you precisely towards the desired target so it is hard to miss.

  

The striking area in this case should be the lower or upper ridge of the open straightened hand—ideally, the bony part of the sides of the knuckles. When using the upper part of the hand you should tug your thumb to expose that hard part and bend the fingers a bit. You want to cut through like you want to split through the joint of two sturdy tree branches in one hard swing. You have to gain momentum by swinging your arm in a semi-circle all the way, impacting from below, the back and bottom of his bulge. The best is if the trajectory of your hand is a bit tilted to one side, this way there is a chance of trapping just one testicle. If you hit dead center, between the testicles, still pretty effective, but they get rather separated and pushed to the sides, loosing desired crushing potential. The initial strike will securely stun him allowing you to repeat the move once again or several times and even continue with the finishing move, which can be GPT for instance.

The effectiveness of this TK-chop we could see in real even before actually learning it. Linda actually used it several times on Bob and Peter when they veered from the assigned tasks and training curriculum, got distracted, and started flirting with us or fooling around. Having teenage girls and two horny boys can create an explosive mixture, and for Linda, it was an everlasting challenge to keep the discipline and focus among her squad.  Having fun has to have some limits, especially when you need to achieve some training goals. 

Lucky for Linda and pity for the boys, she always kept one nifty pedagogical tool in her pocket: an occasional TK-chop, with a power depending on the ‘message’ to be delivered as well as the severity of their ‘misconduct’.  Don’t worry she made it obviously mild but still making a point. I remember she once chopped quite hard between Peter's legs from behind so her ‘axe head’ lifted not only the bulky bulge but the whole misbehaver as well.  After recovery he acted like an angel for the rest of the class. Poor boy, lesson learned. Not following Linda's instructions definitely does not pay off…