Some like it hot! 🌶️

This post is neither about the famous American movie, nor about the current supper hot weather, but about an unknown way to use a common women’s self defense tool. I think it will be quite informative but at the same time a little bit funny.

Last week I and my boyfriend Tom had a little accident. We decided to make together a romantic evening to celebrate our 4th anniversary. You know to have a fancy dinner with some following lovemaking…We are still not keen to go out for a dinner with the current third wave, so we stayed at home. I prepared his favored chicken tacos. The dinner was great, he loved the food, but I totally ruined what was supposed to come afterwards. After some kissing and cuddling I went downstairs on him, you know what I mean. But shockingly instead of moaning from pleasure he suddenly yelled “It burns! It f.cking burns!” and jumped like a banshee. First I had no idea what happened.

“I think it’s that thing!” he pointed towards the green pieces of jalapeños in the leftovers. Then I got it, when I was chopping the jalapeños, some juices must have left on my fingers and then I transferred it on his dick head. Instead of a romantic ending that evening we were trying all sorts of remedies we found on internet, even using the ice cream we had for desert to rub it off. Grose! We could not continue with our ‘stuff’ that night. He is OK now, just that thingy stayed a little bit reddish and swollen for some time. 

capsaicin, a devilish compound

The compound which caused the burning sensation on Tom’s glans penis and foreskin is capsaicin. I do not have to tell you it is the active component of pepper sprays. Chemically it is 8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide produced by plants of genus Capsicum. It activates TRV1 receptor of skin cells which can be also stimulated by heat, that is why it gives the typical burning sensation. The glans penis and the foreskin is covered with a highly innervated mucosal layer which readily absorbs capsaicin. It is not well miscible with water, so it is difficult to wash it out. Milk or oily substances should be used instead, but I can tell, there was not much difference after the ice cream 😊   

 When used correctly, a pepper spray
 can be a woman's best friend 

Although Linda was not an enthusiastic proponent of self defense tools—she used to say “Your body parts are always readily available, the tools are usually forgotten in your purse or bag.”—we had couple of lessons she taught us the proper use of them. With the summer season I noticed there are now many alarming reports in newspapers about plummeting cases of flashers, exhibitionists, and public onanists. Linda emphasized that when we encounter an attacker with exposed genitals, we should remember there are two great targets available for our pepper spray. After getting his eyes and mouth do not forget to spray him down there as well. If you do not believe what is the effect of a pepper spray on an exposed penis watch this prank video:

  https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1970613749835377

You can expect the same dramatic effect on your attacker. While he is focused on his ‘helmet on fire’, he forgets his other sensitive organs become fully unprotected and available for follow up techniques.  A nice well placed testicle kick or a knee would for sure double remind him he should have kept his filthy genitals in his pants.

Peter peppers

As always, our self defense class would not be complete without a practical demonstration. This time Linda brought a pair of red chili peppers she grows in her garden. “These are quite rare, called Peter peppers as they come in a shape of penis,” she said as she showed them to us. We all gawked at the little ‘penises’ in amazement. Linda immediately warned us “Well, do not even think to use them for what you are maybe thinking about. The vagina is of course highly sensitive to capsaicin as well.”

 “This one really looks like the penis of our Peter,” humorously commented Ana, referring to the shape of a partially exposed penis head. We all chuckled as she was spot on, Peter’s foreskin, although he is not circumcised does not fully cover his glans penis.

Penis with partially exposed
head similar to Peter's, highly
susceptible to 'peppering'

Linda nodded, “Good observation Ana. Circumcised penises and those of Peter are of course very susceptible to ‘peppering’, even when they are in a relaxed state.”

Linda immediately proposed “Let’s put this to the test!” Boys were working out on the other side of the training room, while we had this interesting theoretical lecture. Sometimes it was better they did not hear what we were talking about.

Linda squashed one of the peppers in her hand.

“Peter come over here! We just want to test something.”

When he unsuspectedly came close to her. She just quickly slipped her hand in his shorts and took it out. The reaction of Peter does not need to be described, based what you already read in this post you can imagine.... The theory was readily confirmed…

I conclusion I highly recommend buying a pepper spray and do not forget to use it on both of his heads. When cutting chilies use gloves and wash your hands thoroughly afterwards especially when you want to make some lovemaking 😊.