There is possibly no topic more controversial than
biting as a last resort of self defense technique, and several impatient commenters have been asking
me to cover this issue for a long time. Maybe I delayed writing about it
because it requires my earnest engagement. Not surprisingly, getting the concept
of biting right was an essential part of Linda’s course curriculum. She always mentored
us that it is important to keep our teeth set in good condition not only for health
and beauty but also because one day can serve as a reliable secret weapon for
some of the most effective (and surely brutal) self defense counteractions when
in close quarters. Linda once said: “Don’t be discouraged that many consider
biting some kind of pathetic girly fighting. You got to
do what you got to do, which includes inflicting some serious injury by all
means possible.” Linda always stressed she does not teach martial arts or
sports but no-rules survival tactics and biting is undoubtedly
one of such effective strategies highly applicable for certain situations.
Popping a grape with teeth
Firstly, you have to understand what Linda meant
by ‘biting’. It is not some kind of playful nibbling at erogenous zones that you
do with your boyfriend as part of cute aggression during foreplay (no secret
here, have a lot of experience with Tom) but once you decide to go this way, it
has to be violent: sinking the teeth deeply in, munching, gnawing, popping, or tearing
to remove chunks of weak parts of male body parts: ears, lips, nose, tongue and
not surprisingly also glans penis and testicles. Linda called these techniques
jawbreakers—large American-style layered hard candies in the shape of large
balls, you lick or put into your mouth and suck on it. Attempting to crush it,
without softening puts your jaws and teeth at risk of damage, but when defending, this should be your least concern. As always, she also gave appropriate names for
separate wounding techniques, usually referring to kitchen gadgets. I guess you
can imagine what the cucumber slicer or cherry pitter means. Sorry
for making you cringe, but it always helped with visualization and
understanding the principle. 
Biting as an intimate activity can be also a good training
One of the downsides is it can be repulsive
and when executed as required, it results in drawing the attacker’s blood and a
serious risk of infection. Hence biting should be resorted for situations when no
other options are available, for instance, your limb movement is restricted, your
hands are tied, or when needed to be employed for additional strikes. Logically
using teeth is possibly the most applicable during forced oral sex when those delicate
male appendages are almost offered to you to take a good bite and send him into
shock.
Most of you are often extremely triggered by
the fact that we were lucky to be granted the extraordinary opportunity to test
our skills on our ‘toothsome’ darling attackers Bob and Peter. Their involvement in our training and practice,
was not a walk in the park for them, sure, and as for other techniques they had
to offer even their most precious, bare reproductive organs for our ‘exploration
and exploitation’. There is no learning without doing, no exceptions, sorry boys!😉
Of course, we did not bite Bob and Peter’s
penis heads off or make chewing gums from their testes. Linda responsibly oversaw
us and enforced a safe concept of exercises, but also carefully accommodated our
different needs: some of us were shyer than others, some took (maybe too
seriously) the issue of safety and sanitation, and some were concerned about ethics and Bob and Peter's well-being. But her arrangements and adjustment to
the curriculum never came at the expense of our proper training. Understandably
no excessively hard, skin-breaking pressure was allowed (this was reserved for genital substitutes
only), but still, those two poor heroes left the dojo with some visible
bitemarks on their willies and beans having something to explain to their
girlfriends😊. 
American candy called jawbreaker gave the name to techniques
involving the mouth. They even come in egg shape
It sounds unfair and overboard but it brought a lot of fun, and creativity as well as blushes on faces, especially of those coursemates not accustomed to bringing out their fangs in bed. Who would think there is a whole science behind the method of sucking a whole scrotum in the mouth, firmly securing an ill-fated testis in the right place between molars before crushing it into oblivion like a grape, or how to completely severe the male head, I mean the one down there? It was as it sounds: dramatic, drastic, and deadly, and those who pity Bob and Peter I can't blame you. Just listening to Linda's detailed instructions, safety warnings and expected results made them a bundle of nerves. Having a willing male partner and peppering your sex life with soft biting is of advantage, but in this post, I would like to touch upon the possible equipment, helpful for everyday routine and fostering your skills. Most of them you can buy in a local grocery store or even bake for yourself.
Veggies and fruits: These
are not only a healthy and tasty part of the diet but also affordable and
easily accessible. Luckily we got tons of free supplies from Linda's garden. Their
downside is that many do not represent either the right consistency, texture, or shape and
size. Cucumbers and carrots are some of those obvious ones and can represent an
erect penis, but biting through them is simply too easy. Testicular substitutes
can be small fruits but be careful not to use those having a stone. Good
examples are smaller unripe kiwis or cherry tomatoes. Just an advice, always
wash the fruit/vegetable beforehand to remove the harmful pesticides and dirt.
Candies: Do you know
those Chupa Chups lollipops with a spherical hard shell with a juicy chewy
surprise insight? I was crazy about them when I was younger, I always could not
resist, after softening it a bit by sucking and licking, then gnawing at it hard to
crush it to get to the sour fruity but refreshing chewing gum. These threats
are obviously quite unhealthy, they put in a lot of additives and colorants and
tons of sugar, but as an occasional joy, I think it is acceptable. Good news, from
now on, you can always justify buying them with the additional benefit of testicle-crushing
training. 😊
On the other
hand, I am not a big fan of licorice, but some licorice sweets often come in the
shape of batons and even penises and have favorable firmness and chewy consistency.
Unfortunately, their size is often too small for proper penis analogs. However,
I found numerous recipes online, so you can actually bake them at home in the
right size and shape. Sounds like a fun weekend activity, doesn’t it?
Licorice penis batons
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| Realistic vibrators can be also a multipurpose equipment |
Sex toys: These can be quite expensive and nobody wants them destroyed in no time, even for the sake of self defense training, trust me.😊 However, their advantage over above mentioned substitutes is they come in a quite realistic shape, size, and texture. These true-to-nature substitutes can be used for acting out scenarios and a play-along approach with a dramatic ending. Some types of vibrators have a nice realistic set of silicone balls which can be highly applicable for practicing quick and secure sucking in testicles even those not so low hanging.
These are my tips but if you know any other good
male genital substitutes let me know in the comments. To be continued…..
