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The last thing the attacker's testicles see... |
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You can incorporate a grinding movement at the end, like you want to put out the cigarette bud. |
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Two potatoes to be mashed together |
a blog about unvoiced options women have to fight back + grain of salt
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The last thing the attacker's testicles see... |
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You can incorporate a grinding movement at the end, like you want to put out the cigarette bud. |
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Two potatoes to be mashed together |
Female self defense is not only about getting the right knowledge and skills but also about keeping ourselves in good shape. Linda wasn’t some kind of rigorous, uptight academic; she liked to combine focused intensive training with fun, often in unexpected ways. We took her criticism seriously and somehow agreed that as city college girls, our physicality is compromised, and we need to exercise more. As Linda stressed, improved well-being and fitness come in handy right at the moment when we need to fight back.
Luckily,
the stressful exam period was over, and I was ready to switch from brain to body
workout. Linda recommended aerobics as excellent cardio to be done at least
twice a day, starting slowly, a few minutes in the morning and the evening and gradually
extending the duration, speed, and intensity. Aerobics consists of simple dance-like
movements performed in quick repetition, improving strength, endurance,
flexibility, and muscle mnemonics. All of this is beneficial not only for our
well-being and health but also for training in the effective automatic execution
of given self-defense techniques. A prime example is a knee lift, a basic aerobics
move that closely simulates thrusting the knee up to the attacker's testicles
with power, speed, and precision. Aerobics is an excellent cardio that can help boost
fitness but also train knee lifts
The
knee lift can be done by placing the hand in front of you and bringing the bent
leg upward repeatedly, hitting the palm of your hand with the kneecap. With your
hand as an imaginary testicle target, you can easily adjust the position and height.
Other relevant moves can be, for instance, back kicks, elbows, hammer-fist strikes,
or forward punches.
As Linda suggested, I made my personal workout plan for the coming weeks and did the exercises twice a day. Initially, I was short of breath fast, but I noticed advances every day. The sessions might get boring over time, but I came up with some great ideas for enhancements. First, do it with some nice, rhythmic music, and there is nothing better than oldies classics such as iconic Olivia Newton-John's Physical and Michael Sembello's Maniac! To get fully into the eighties vibes, I even bought purple leggings, a neon leotard, ankle warmers, and a headband! There still has to be a training program on VHS from my grandmom somewhere in the closet, but even if I found it, I could not get a hold of a VHS player anyway, so I resorted to watching some YouTube videos to add some dynamic choreography and complexity to the moves.
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Pink socks can nicely simulate the scrotum, squash balls testes |
The
constant bouncing made it an unpredicted target, so obviously, I missed occasionally,
but when I readjusted my aim and succeeded in landing a perfect hit, I exclaimed
Gotcha! Maybe sounds silly but this arrangement was very helpful in my training
endeavors and always made me long for the next session despite all the
tiredness and sweat. Before closing the session, I gave my squishy toy a good
squeeze “Now, we are both finished!” I told myself, exhausted, gasping for air,
but at the same time ecstatic.
I
made sure I had demounted the prop well before Tom came home and hid it in the
drawer under the towels. He was obviously very supportive of seeing me exercise,
but I kept the double purpose of the aerobics workout a secret. My boyfriend isn’t a wimp but a bit of a sensitive
soul, I wanted him to be spared from
some awkward explanations on the purpose of the peculiar genital-like object
being busted with my knees. I just want to keep it that way.
There
was a university midterm break, and two of Linda’s classes were called off, but I could
not wait any longer to see my classmates again and to know whether other girls
had as much fun and a great time as I did with the new fitness activities. Especially
I was eager to share my tips and tricks on my ingenious training equipment. We
all cheered as we found out that actually more girls had a similar idea about making
a genital prop. Bob and Peter were listening to our chatter with disbelief and awe.
To make a vow that their function as darling attackers and their testicles are
not replaceable by any means, Laura wrapped her hands around Peter's lean body ruffled
his hair with affection, and ensured him of his importance by whispering to his
ears “Luckily, we have you and don’t need any fake genitalia for the training
anymore, hope you are ready for today's assistance?” We were happy to have our darling attackers back
with a real living set of testicles.
We
all giggled but stopped the moment Linda
entered the dojo. She greeted us with a
smile as she definitely heard what we were talking about, but was not bothered
at all and immediately commented “Seems you used your free time wisely, looking
forward to seeing your improved physique. We are going to have a very demanding
class today!”
I
noticed she was holding a basket with some garments, which she placed in the center of the dojo put her hands on her waist, and announced the coming program “In this session, we enter the next stage of
mastering full-power kneeing in realistic scenarios.”
“Yes!
Finally!” Ana suddenly exclaimed in excitement and clapped her hands. She was
not alone we all shared her zealousness.
Linda
never turned down our enthusiasm but she stressed the importance of doing
things right “I know you are looking forward but this is a highly risky
activity so before we start let's gear up our boys first.” She took out an oval
object from the basket. “This is a hard metal protective cup with a strap, it
has an ergonomic shape and cushion. Our dean was so generous and spared no expense
for the boy's safety, so I could buy the best product on the market. Let me
tell you, the cheap plastic cups do not work, I have seen injuries from
shattered craps before… it was a mess and not a nice sight. The extremely important thing is to get the correct
size so both the penis and testicles can fit in snugly and the assistant does
not feel any discomfort. Too loose oversized cups are also not good as the
genitals can get violently shaken inside and such a cup is more easily
dislodged. That’s why I rather make the purchase, young men tend to largely overestimate
the size of their package.”
She
showed us the product and rotated it so we all see its features “I bought an M-sized for Peter and an L-sized one
for Bob. OK, Let's see if I got the sizes right.” Linda's uncompromised genital
volume assessment made Peter blush and look a bit embarrassed; Bob on the other
hand smirked and showed signs of satisfaction. However, Laura a bit mischievously added to
the touchy subject “Pity no XXL size cup for any of them!”For full force, real scenario training high-quality
metal cups are required equipment.
To
save the day, Susanne put the genital size issue into more medical terms “That’s OK; we
all know they both have genitals of normal size to their male post-pubertal stage,
and anyway, somebody is always a shower,
and somebody a grower.”
“Oh,
you want to tell us they teach this in your medical courses?” Rebeca could not
resist to add to the discussion.
Linda
disliked this deviation from the seriousness of the topic of male anatomical
protection to such frivolous banter, she made a face and continued getting the
boys ready. Peter was lucky to be the first receiver.
“The
most appropriate way to wear this thing is on bare skin,” Linda said and looked
into Peter’s eyes demandingly. He understood the signal correctly and quite unenthusiastically
removed his gym shorts and briefs exposing his male pride. With an almost
motherly care, she helped him to get in the protective garment. She gently
placed the cup over his genitals with satisfaction and fixed its position gently.
“My estimation was correct, ladies look, how the sensitive organs got nicely accommodated
in the pocket and are now shielded by a metal shell.”
She
also handed him compression shorts so the cup would be secured firmly in place
with no room to wiggle. To evidence that thing is working she knocked on it hard
with no visible reaction from Peter, which clearly wouldn’t happen without a cup.
He now looked like a superhero owning an oversized bulge 😊
We
all watched our darling attackers getting ready with great interest and zest to
test the testicle protective function of Linda’s costly purchase. Suddenly Emma surprised us with a question out
of the blue. “What if they got an erection in the cup? Wouldn't it cause
discomfort or hurt them?” Even Linda smirked and I noticed she was not that confident
in her answer “Possibly, but you are not supposed to arouse them.”
Emma
added. “Well, we will see if our knees possess such a stimulating power!” We
all laughed and our excitement went through the roof…
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Two woody gnarls are like two testicles. These are more difficult to chop, though |
She claimed: I own a high-quality axe with a sharp blade and can split even the thickest log in two with just one precise swing. Some of my trees are already old and often must be cut down completely. I noticed the woody knots or gnarls often resemble one or two balls on a trunk or branch, but unlike those of men, these are extremely hard to split. With the right technique and the properly maintained tools, it can be accomplished without much effort.
The numerous anecdotes, old sayings, and words
of wisdom she told us occasionally were not only to bring some cheers but often
carried strong metaphors that helped us to grasp the core essentials of her unique
concept of female self-defense. Her talking about everyday gardening and care
of fruit trees and cooking were no exception. She once told us that in
different forms, an axe has been used as a weapon for centuries. Even Amazon warriors
are often depicted with an axe. Of course, you cannot carry such an armory with
you all the time, but your limbs can serve as a nifty substitute. She told us
to imagine our arm as a handle, and our hand as the head of an axe. With such a
natural axe you can perform a so-called karate chop or knife hand strike a
deadly technique in many martial arts. You cannot carry your axe
with you all the time
To make a point she even once demonstrated the power of such a blow by breaking a wooden board like a real karate master. Linda left us thinking what if a ball-shaped soft object was put on it, an egg, or an avocado? No doubt such a chop will cause complete obliteration of such a fragile object approximating male gland.
As always, she provided us with many
important details, tips, and tricks and allowed us to put our newly gained knowledge
to the test. Let's now look at the bolts and nuts of this technique. Chopping
with a hand can be done to any soft target on a male body: temple, nose, Adam's
apple, but obviously, the best target is his testicles. In this case, Linda
even had a name for it: Testicle Karate Chop, or in short TK-chop.
Such a
resolute TK-chop to his most sensitive bits with your hand can be quick and
unexpected as the hand is already approximately at the height of the groin, so
it can be done for instance when caught in a bear hug—rear or front—or for example
if being choked or even when freeing another woman from an attacker. With a powerful chop you
can break a board or a testicle
You can
strike forward or backward or even upward depending on your and his position. TK-chop
is generally more powerful than a slap, if done correctly it can easily cause
some serious testicular injury. Its effectiveness lies in combining a
relatively small striking area and quick but powerful momentum. The advantage
of TK-chop, as opposed to the classical hammer fist strike, is that the open
hand is a narrow yet weighty object and can penetrate through the gap between
the legs much more easily, the thighs will guide you precisely towards the
desired target so it is hard to miss.
The striking area in this case should be
the lower or upper ridge of the open straightened hand—ideally, the bony part
of the sides of the knuckles. When using the upper part of the hand you should tug
your thumb to expose that hard part and bend the fingers a bit. You want to cut
through like you want to split through the joint of two sturdy tree branches in
one hard swing. You have to gain momentum by swinging your arm in a semi-circle
all the way, impacting from below, the back and bottom of his bulge. The best
is if the trajectory of your hand is a bit tilted to one side, this way there
is a chance of trapping just one testicle. If you hit dead center, between the
testicles, still pretty effective, but they get rather separated and pushed to the
sides, loosing desired crushing potential. The initial strike will securely
stun him allowing you to repeat the move once again or several times and even continue with the finishing
move, which can be GPT for instance.
The effectiveness of this TK-chop we could see in real even before actually learning it. Linda actually used it several times on Bob and Peter when they veered from the assigned tasks and training curriculum, got distracted, and started flirting with us or fooling around. Having teenage girls and two horny boys can create an explosive mixture, and for Linda, it was an everlasting challenge to keep the discipline and focus among her squad. Having fun has to have some limits, especially when you need to achieve some training goals.
Lucky for Linda and pity for the boys, she always kept one nifty pedagogical tool in her pocket: an occasional TK-chop, with a power depending on the ‘message’ to be delivered as well as the severity of their ‘misconduct’. Don’t worry she made it obviously mild but still making a point. I remember she once chopped quite hard between Peter's legs from behind so her ‘axe head’ lifted not only the bulky bulge but the whole misbehaver as well. After recovery he acted like an angel for the rest of the class. Poor boy, lesson learned. Not following Linda's instructions definitely does not pay off…