Blind, choke, desex! 👀(first part)

Over time, I noticed that some readers of my blog might have gotten the wrong idea that Linda focused her training solely on techniques related to the testicles. As a result, both she and I were accused of having an unhealthy obsession with this area and hatred towards men. However, this is far from the truth. She taught us a comprehensive self defense system, in which the vulnerability of the testicles is just one, albeit important, element. I do realize that my bold and sometimes cheeky writing style may make some readers uncomfortable, but my intention isn't to shy away from such important, often life-saving topics. I aim to share what I learned from Linda’s course openly, which was based on her research findings, real-life experience, and extensive reviews of successful cases, suggesting that targeting the testicles provides the best opportunity for effective defensive counteractions.

Man's eyes can be beautiful, but also important
"high balls" target in female self defense

Linda trained us to handle various attack situations, equipping us with a comprehensive set of physical and psychological techniques and strategies. A key part of the course was to develop a thorough understanding of the male body and how to target its vulnerabilities, both physical and mental. Linda consistently emphasized that every man has delicate "crown jewels"—two high balls (eyeballs), two low balls (testicles), and a small protruding apple from the neck. All are very fragile, breakable, and arranged along the center of the body at a comfortable distance.

Every man fears losing them, protects them anxiously, and our task was to learn how to create the perfect unexpected “jewel heist”. Do you remember Linda's ideal deadly sequence for dealing with a dangerous attacker: “Blind him first, then choke him, and before saying bye-bye, desex him! He cannot rape you if he cannot see, cannot breathe, and cannot breed!”. Who wouldn’t love her hilarious mottos, mnemonics, and metaphors!

Following the recommended sequence to shut down all vital functions may not always be possible. Some sensitive spots may be more or less accessible, or not accessible at all, during different stages of an attack or in various situations. To open the window of opportunity, the principles of distraction and deception are therefore crucial. I already wrote about Adam's apple a long time ago, but what about the balls?—hmm, I mean eyeballs 😉.

Many “self-proclaimed experts” often claim that the eyes are the ultimate target in female self defense, and it's a mistake not to communicate this way. I’ve received plenty of such comments on my blog. I avoid ranking anything from best to worst, but saying that “eyes are better-forget testicles” is completely untrue; this is just someone's opinion, possibly an attempt to avoid feeling uncomfortable in situations by avoiding discussing the vulnerability of male genitals.

Consider these hard facts about eyes: It is almost impossible to employ anything other than the hand and fingers, and you need to exert precise movement, which can be quite difficult in a tense situation or in the dark. To do so, you still have to move your hand quite high, which can be a problem in close quarters or if he is holding your hands. Those who say testicles are too small targets might forget that eyeballs are also not very large objects; last time I checked, men are not big-eyed mignons 😶. The attacker also doesn’t just stand there; there is a natural protective reflex—he can pry off the hand performing the eye gouge or blink and move away when something comes close to his eyes. Don't you do the same? Attacking eyes might be repulsive for some women, but that can be true for testicles as well.

Play-along tactics, distraction, and deception are often
necessary for the execution of devastating eye attacks. 

Regarding the pros, eyeballs are extremely delicate, highly sensitive sphere organs protected solely by soft eyelids. A successful blow can result in serious outcomes, including intense pain, shock, excessive tearing, disorientation, and possibly temporary or permanent blindness in severe cases. The psychological effect on the attacker is also significant, inducing a fear comparable to losing testicles. 

Nevertheless, the eye sensitivity represents a crucial element in Linda's concept of distraction and deception, which I have already discussed in one part. If an eye attack succeeds, it temporarily stuns him and creates opportunities for follow-up strikes, including targeting our favorite sensitive dangling bits below. The good thing is that there's a convenient distance between the upper and lower parts. He might block one strike, but simultaneously, he's likely to fail to protect the other vulnerable spot, destined for a defeat and possibly losing something even more valuable…

What is rarely discussed is that male eyes are not only important because they are a physically vulnerable organ, but also because they provide sight, which can be easily used to our advantage; to occupy his mind and lower his guard, even increasing the sensitivity of the testicles due to arousal which is associated with increased blood flow into the genitals. Remember, men are extremely visually driven; a trigger of sexual excitement is often necessary to start the sneaky play strategy. Just a quick glance at a woman’s breasts will make him preoccupied and thus a much easier opponent.

Mirabelle plums are excellent eye simulants
for training serious techniques. 

Eye gouging should be performed as a stealthy attack, often by pretending to initiate a kiss or cuddle. Poking with fingers in a V formation can be done when the situation permits, and it must be non-telegraphed. As for other techniques, precise, unexpected, and quick execution is crucial. Training eye-targeting techniques is a serious matter and can be highly dangerous for both parties. As much as we were all for the most realistic training, we didn't want to harm Bob and Peter's beautiful eyes, so Linda secured a realistic rubber head with detailed eyes and a scary expression. It was quite durable equipment, surviving our wildest attacks when we went nuts. 

Like for testicles, she used fruits of appropriate size and texture to mimic the feel of real ones, including texture and resistance before rupture. Litchi fruits would be ideal, but are hard to get. However, Linda's Mirabelle plum tree in her orchard provided plenty of versatile, crushable, disposable training objects. The bigger served as testicles, the smaller as eyes…

 

To mash two potatoes 🥔🥔- introduction to stomping

Among the most brutal techniques of female self-defense are those in which a woman employs her strongest weapons—her legs—against an attacker on the ground. Many commenters asked me about stomping and whether I could make a post about it. This prompted me to do so, as stomping is an incredibly important so-called finishing technique.  Superficially, it might sound straightforward, but it can still be done incorrectly, missing the mark and in the end, compromising successful defense. Initially, I thought it would be just one post, but then I realized there were so many things to be properly communicated and discussed, so I decided to split it into several parts..

The last thing the attacker's testicles see...

Getting an attacker down is one thing, but ensuring he stays there while you make your way out safely is another. This is where stomping techniques come in handy. The prime target is obviously the attacker's testicles, but useful secondary targets include the knees, ankles, Adam's apple, nose, temples, and spine. One commenter posted a clip from a 2024 horror movie, MaXXXine, in which the heroine crushed the testicles of a potential killer with her stiletto heel. This is not just a work of fiction, but a good representation of a possible real scenario, taking advantage of the attacker's vulnerable position and the devastating capability of a spiked high heel.

You can incorporate a grinding movement
at the end, like you want to put out the cigarette bud. 

As I mentioned earlier, Linda often used vivid analogies to help us understand the mechanics of each move. She compared them to the principles of various types of machinery, as well as her favorite kitchen tools and utensils (sometimes quite unusual, I would say). When it comes to stomping, she referred to two metaphors: the drop hammer and the potato masher, which I think are very fitting, don’t you? Unlike front kicks, which require significant upward momentum and long-distance aiming, here, natural strength and weight are used to drop the leg down sharply on the vulnerable target with great force, making it one of the most powerful moves. It’s not just some kind of light stepping or trotting; the leg needs to be raised high and pushed with full force in the downward thrust. "Invite also the gravity to do the job," Linda said. What makes it so deadly is the key principle of pressing the soft target between two very hard surfaces. Plus, at the end, you can incorporate a merciless grinding movement, like putting out a cigarette, to inflict further serious damage, often a multilateral rupture.   

Two potatoes to be mashed together 

In Linda’s visualization, it was like preparing mashed potatoes with a potato masher, vigorously compressing the boiled potatoes between the masher and the bottom of the bowl and using a swirling grinding motion until they turn into a fine mush... just to add some butter, a splash of milk, and salt... a yummy side dish… 😊 Testicles might be a bit tougher than two boiled potatoes, but they are mashable anyway, especially if you use the technique correctly. 

There are several aspects to consider: the position of the attackers, whether he is facing belly down or up, and, of course, your position, how close you are to the attacker, and the availability of vital targets on his body.   As with other techniques, a good command of male anatomy is crucial; it is important to understand the position of testicles and that a sizable penis can provide some inconvenient shielding

The ideal striking area, whether barefoot or wearing light shoes, should be the heel of your foot, supported by a strong calcaneus bone. In some cases, the ball of the foot can also be utilized. When wearing shoes, the entire sole is robust and suitable for striking, but the most effective option is undoubtedly the stiletto heel, which can easily crush or puncture the soft target due to its pointed shape. The attacker's position also affects the choice of action. If he is facing down and exposed, the testicles may rest on the floor, creating a hard backing surface; if he is facing up, the backing is his pubic bone. In this situation, the correct angle is vital—striking just straight down might only impact his pubic area and/or penis.

The stomping technique depends on the position of your attacker. 
(A)  If the attacker is lying face down, you can squash the testicles between the ball of your foot and the ground. 
(B) If the attacker is in the position face up, use your heel and the backing of the pubic bone to squash the testicles. 

The moment he falls, he instinctively spreads his legs to futilely gain balance and soften the impact of landing on his back. Once he is on the ground, initially startled, usually after a hit to his testicles, he instinctively covers his genital area with his hands and presses his thighs together to prevent further danger to his already injured genitals. Here, quickness, precise targeting, and sufficient downward force are essential.  So once he meets the ground in a splayed position, use the first opportunity to execute the strike as quickly and cleanly as possible, without wasting time, yet ensuring it's resolute. If the situation allows, control his legs to keep them apart and the desired target accessible. It might not always be possible; let’s not forget that the principle of distract and destroy applies here as well. Focus your initial strike on another target, and when he moves his hands to the injured area, target his testicles. To create a safe opening, it’s best to stomp on the knee first to tear ligaments, causing him to bend the leg in pain, which provides a convenient opening for you. The most lethal action Linda showed us is to put him in a wheelbarrow position, a deadly hold he can't escape from, and giving you a freeway to his scrotum.  

Usually, the first stomp is all it takes, often sufficient to cause him to pass out and leave him with seriously damaged testes. However, if necessary, perform the move repeatedly with no remorse or hesitation. Once it is clear he is done and you have made some “mashed potatoes”, you can flee. In this case, using Bob and Peter to learn the principle and to aim for the right spot was extremely helpful…and fun. It was heartbreaking to see them lying helplessly on the floor, looking up in despair and hoping our leg flying down would just stop right before contacting their fragile reproductive organs…otherwise…  Luckily, it always ended well for them…and the following training of grinding was then rather a massage of their testicles.  To be continued…
 
 
 

The art of kneeing (part 6)

Female self defense is not only about getting the right knowledge and skills but also about keeping ourselves in good shape. Linda wasn’t some kind of rigorous, uptight academic; she liked to combine focused intensive training with fun, often in unexpected ways. We took her criticism seriously and somehow agreed that as city college girls, our physicality is compromised, and we need to exercise more. As Linda stressed, improved well-being and fitness come in handy right at the moment when we need to fight back.

Aerobics is an excellent cardio that can help boost
fitness but also train knee lifts   

Luckily, the stressful exam period was over, and I was ready to switch from brain to body workout. Linda recommended aerobics as excellent cardio to be done at least twice a day, starting slowly, a few minutes in the morning and the evening and gradually extending the duration, speed, and intensity. Aerobics consists of simple dance-like movements performed in quick repetition, improving strength, endurance, flexibility, and muscle mnemonics. All of this is beneficial not only for our well-being and health but also for training in the effective automatic execution of given self-defense techniques. A prime example is a knee lift, a basic aerobics move that closely simulates thrusting the knee up to the attacker's testicles with power, speed, and precision.

The knee lift can be done by placing the hand in front of you and bringing the bent leg upward repeatedly, hitting the palm of your hand with the kneecap. With your hand as an imaginary testicle target, you can easily adjust the position and height. Other relevant moves can be, for instance, back kicks, elbows, hammer-fist strikes, or forward punches.

As Linda suggested, I made my personal workout plan for the coming weeks and did the exercises twice a day. Initially, I was short of breath fast, but I noticed advances every day.  The sessions might get boring over time, but I came up with some great ideas for enhancements.  First, do it with some nice, rhythmic music, and there is nothing better than oldies classics such as iconic Olivia Newton-John's Physical and Michael Sembello's Maniac! To get fully into the eighties vibes,  I even bought purple leggings, a neon leotard, ankle warmers, and a headband!  There still has to be a training program on VHS from my grandmom somewhere in the closet, but even if I found it, I could not get a hold of a VHS player anyway, so I resorted to watching some YouTube videos to add some dynamic choreography and complexity to the moves.

Pink socks can nicely simulate the scrotum,
squash balls testes

Keeping in mind what I am actually training for, I devised a nifty training gadget to spice things up. I went to a local sports shop and bought two squash balls and a badminton shuttlecock. The squash balls were of an appropriate size and almost perfect weight, 24 grams each, close to an average man's testicle. The shuttlecock was a bit small and light to my liking, but I could not find anything better. I used the rubber band to bundle up the shuttlecock feather end to get the right penis-elongated shape. I grabbed a pair of pink socks and I placed the squash balls in one and the shuttlecock in the other. With a few more rubber bands, I assembled it all to get an almost-true-to-reality male genital replica, and admittedly,  I was proud of my little homemade creation! 😊 I pushed aside the coffee table and sofa in the living room to make room and by using a long thin rope, I hung it from the chandelier to the right height, a bit above my waist. And now I was just about to unleash my intensive tool-enhanced workout. I started repeatedly kneeing the fake scrotum with a little floppy willy so it jiggled frantically in all directions like an untameable plush monkey on a rubber band I used to have ages ago. I visualized the odd pink object as the genitals of a bad guy, which I intended to obliterate and send to outer space with each knee strike. I incorporated various strong shoutouts with each strike: Crush! or Pop! I always recall Linda's motto: “Precision and power have to work together, and do not hold back!” Also, I did not forget correct breathing is extremely important; I inhaled before striking deeply and exhaled rapidly with each shoutout.

The constant bouncing made it an unpredicted target, so obviously, I missed occasionally, but when I readjusted my aim and succeeded in landing a perfect hit, I exclaimed Gotcha! Maybe sounds silly but this arrangement was very helpful in my training endeavors and always made me long for the next session despite all the tiredness and sweat. Before closing the session, I gave my squishy toy a good squeeze “Now, we are both finished!” I told myself, exhausted, gasping for air, but at the same time ecstatic.   

I made sure I had demounted the prop well before Tom came home and hid it in the drawer under the towels. He was obviously very supportive of seeing me exercise, but I kept the double purpose of the aerobics workout a secret.  My boyfriend isn’t a wimp but a bit of a sensitive soul,  I wanted him to be spared from some awkward explanations on the purpose of the peculiar genital-like object being busted with my knees. I just want to keep it that way.

 We were happy to have our darling attackers back
with a real living set of testicles.  

There was a university midterm break, and two of Linda’s classes were called off, but I could not wait any longer to see my classmates again and to know whether other girls had as much fun and a great time as I did with the new fitness activities. Especially I was eager to share my tips and tricks on my ingenious training equipment. We all cheered as we found out that actually more girls had a similar idea about making a genital prop. Bob and Peter were listening to our chatter with disbelief and awe. To make a vow that their function as darling attackers and their testicles are not replaceable by any means, Laura wrapped her hands around Peter's lean body ruffled his hair with affection, and ensured him of his importance by whispering to his ears “Luckily, we have you and don’t need any fake genitalia for the training anymore, hope you are ready for today's assistance?”

We all giggled but stopped the moment  Linda entered the dojo.  She greeted us with a smile as she definitely heard what we were talking about, but was not bothered at all and immediately commented “Seems you used your free time wisely, looking forward to seeing your improved physique. We are going to have a very demanding class today!”

I noticed she was holding a basket with some garments, which she placed in the center of the dojo put her hands on her waist, and announced the coming program  “In this session, we enter the next stage of mastering full-power kneeing in realistic scenarios.”

“Yes! Finally!” Ana suddenly exclaimed in excitement and clapped her hands. She was not alone we all shared her zealousness.

Linda never turned down our enthusiasm but she stressed the importance of doing things right “I know you are looking forward but this is a highly risky activity so before we start let's gear up our boys first.” She took out an oval object from the basket. “This is a hard metal protective cup with a strap, it has an ergonomic shape and cushion. Our dean was so generous and spared no expense for the boy's safety, so I could buy the best product on the market. Let me tell you, the cheap plastic cups do not work, I have seen injuries from shattered craps before… it was a mess and not a nice sight.  The extremely important thing is to get the correct size so both the penis and testicles can fit in snugly and the assistant does not feel any discomfort. Too loose oversized cups are also not good as the genitals can get violently shaken inside and such a cup is more easily dislodged. That’s why I rather make the purchase, young men tend to largely overestimate the size of their package.”  

For full force, real scenario training high-quality
metal cups are required equipment. 

She showed us the product and rotated it so we all see its features “I  bought an M-sized for Peter and an L-sized one for Bob. OK, Let's see if I got the sizes right.” Linda's uncompromised genital volume assessment made Peter blush and look a bit embarrassed; Bob on the other hand smirked and showed signs of satisfaction. However, Laura a bit mischievously added to the touchy subject “Pity no XXL size cup for any of them!”

To save the day, Susanne put the genital size issue into more medical terms “That’s OK; we all know they both have genitals of normal size to their male post-pubertal stage, and anyway, somebody is always a shower, and somebody a grower.”  

“Oh, you want to tell us they teach this in your medical courses?” Rebeca could not resist to add to the discussion.

Linda disliked this deviation from the seriousness of the topic of male anatomical protection to such frivolous banter, she made a face and continued getting the boys ready. Peter was lucky to be the first receiver.  

“The most appropriate way to wear this thing is on bare skin,” Linda said and looked into Peter’s eyes demandingly. He understood the signal correctly and quite unenthusiastically removed his gym shorts and briefs exposing his male pride. With an almost motherly care, she helped him to get in the protective garment. She gently placed the cup over his genitals with satisfaction and fixed its position gently. “My estimation was correct, ladies look, how the sensitive organs got nicely accommodated in the pocket and are now shielded by a metal shell.”

She also handed him compression shorts so the cup would be secured firmly in place with no room to wiggle. To evidence that thing is working she knocked on it hard with no visible reaction from Peter, which clearly wouldn’t happen without a cup. He now looked like a superhero owning an oversized bulge 😊

We all watched our darling attackers getting ready with great interest and zest to test the testicle protective function of Linda’s costly purchase.  Suddenly Emma surprised us with a question out of the blue. “What if they got an erection in the cup? Wouldn't it cause discomfort or hurt them?” Even Linda smirked and I noticed she was not that confident in her answer “Possibly, but you are not supposed to arouse them.”

Emma added. “Well, we will see if our knees possess such a stimulating power!” We all laughed and our excitement went through the roof…

Chopping two gnarls 👋

Two woody gnarls are like two testicles.
These are more difficult to chop, though 

I envy Linda her nice romantic house in the countryside with a large orchard. However, she always told us that besides all the joy, it also comes with hard work. It is not just about collecting the rich harvest, processing and preserving it, or using round and soft gifts of nature as a male organ substitute in her intensive self-defense classes. It takes a lot of time and effort to prune young trees, protect them from pests, remove dead branches, and then take care of the remaining logs, which she uses as firewood. Imagining her, a respected female academic and coach, as an agile lumberjack swinging vigorously with an axe, was mildly amusing. But I guarantee, it was not just her bragging; she is a strong, fit woman of many skills. 

She claimed: I own a high-quality axe with a sharp blade and can split even the thickest log in two with just one precise swing. Some of my trees are already old and often must be cut down completely. I noticed the woody knots or gnarls often resemble one or two balls on a trunk or branch, but unlike those of men, these are extremely hard to split. With the right technique and the properly maintained tools, it can be accomplished without much effort.   

You cannot carry your axe
with you all the time 

The numerous anecdotes, old sayings, and words of wisdom she told us occasionally were not only to bring some cheers but often carried strong metaphors that helped us to grasp the core essentials of her unique concept of female self-defense. Her talking about everyday gardening and care of fruit trees and cooking were no exception. She once told us that in different forms, an axe has been used as a weapon for centuries. Even Amazon warriors are often depicted with an axe. Of course, you cannot carry such an armory with you all the time, but your limbs can serve as a nifty substitute. She told us to imagine our arm as a handle, and our hand as the head of an axe. With such a natural axe you can perform a so-called karate chop or knife hand strike a deadly technique in many martial arts. 

To make a point she even once demonstrated the power of such a blow by breaking a wooden board like a real karate master. Linda left us thinking what if a ball-shaped soft object was put on it, an egg, or an avocado? No doubt such a chop will cause complete obliteration of such a fragile object approximating male gland. 

As always, she provided us with many important details, tips, and tricks and allowed us to put our newly gained knowledge to the test. Let's now look at the bolts and nuts of this technique. Chopping with a hand can be done to any soft target on a male body: temple, nose, Adam's apple, but obviously, the best target is his testicles. In this case, Linda even had a name for it: Testicle Karate Chop, or in short TK-chop.

With a powerful chop you
can break a board or a testicle

 Such a resolute TK-chop to his most sensitive bits with your hand can be quick and unexpected as the hand is already approximately at the height of the groin, so it can be done for instance when caught in a bear hug—rear or front—or for example if being choked or even when freeing another woman from an attacker. 

You can strike forward or backward or even upward depending on your and his position. TK-chop is generally more powerful than a slap, if done correctly it can easily cause some serious testicular injury. Its effectiveness lies in combining a relatively small striking area and quick but powerful momentum. The advantage of TK-chop, as opposed to the classical hammer fist strike, is that the open hand is a narrow yet weighty object and can penetrate through the gap between the legs much more easily, the thighs will guide you precisely towards the desired target so it is hard to miss.

  

The striking area in this case should be the lower or upper ridge of the open straightened hand—ideally, the bony part of the sides of the knuckles. When using the upper part of the hand you should tug your thumb to expose that hard part and bend the fingers a bit. You want to cut through like you want to split through the joint of two sturdy tree branches in one hard swing. You have to gain momentum by swinging your arm in a semi-circle all the way, impacting from below, the back and bottom of his bulge. The best is if the trajectory of your hand is a bit tilted to one side, this way there is a chance of trapping just one testicle. If you hit dead center, between the testicles, still pretty effective, but they get rather separated and pushed to the sides, loosing desired crushing potential. The initial strike will securely stun him allowing you to repeat the move once again or several times and even continue with the finishing move, which can be GPT for instance.

The effectiveness of this TK-chop we could see in real even before actually learning it. Linda actually used it several times on Bob and Peter when they veered from the assigned tasks and training curriculum, got distracted, and started flirting with us or fooling around. Having teenage girls and two horny boys can create an explosive mixture, and for Linda, it was an everlasting challenge to keep the discipline and focus among her squad.  Having fun has to have some limits, especially when you need to achieve some training goals. 

Lucky for Linda and pity for the boys, she always kept one nifty pedagogical tool in her pocket: an occasional TK-chop, with a power depending on the ‘message’ to be delivered as well as the severity of their ‘misconduct’.  Don’t worry she made it obviously mild but still making a point. I remember she once chopped quite hard between Peter's legs from behind so her ‘axe head’ lifted not only the bulky bulge but the whole misbehaver as well.  After recovery he acted like an angel for the rest of the class. Poor boy, lesson learned. Not following Linda's instructions definitely does not pay off…