Girls kicking ball(s) ⚽⚽

With the World Cup almost finished, I couldn't resist making a new post, but it won't be about any results. Firstly, I apologize to all fans, but I find football or soccer (if you're reading from “across the pond") relatively dull. Most of the time, I can barely suppress a giggle when the players spend more time diving and simulating than actually playing. Hard to understand why they earn millions for it. Tom, like all his friends, is a huge football fan, and though I don't share his passion, I agreed to watch some matches with him on the condition that I get to pick the next program.

At one point, a player was rolling on the ground after a rough tackle, obviously hit “where it counts”, and showing his discomfort to the whole world. Somehow, I couldn’t help but comment, “Look at that poor boy. I hope those wimps are wearing a cup.” Obviously, this remark upset Tom. He glared at me and shot back, "You got this bullshit from that bitch Linda, didn’t you?" I just grinned at him but refrained from any further sarcastic remarks. Nevertheless, it reminded me of one of the hilarious stories Linda had told us during the self-defense course. To cheer things up, she often shared humorous (or morale-boosting) stories in her teaching. Once, she recounted an amusing incident that was very enlightening, as we were right in the middle of learning proper kicking techniques.

Kicking ball(s) can be fun 

As I already told you, she was a coach for the sport department's female football team. One day, the male team's coach was absent, so Linda took over his duties. She decided to organize a friendly mixed-gender match. You can imagine the cringe among the male team. The announcement drew wide, ironic smiles and chuckles from the cocky young lads, who likely considered the match an unnecessary farce and confidently looked forward to an easy victory. However, as you might guess, things turned out differently…and their testosterone-pumped egos and…other fragile man thingies were quickly deflated.

Linda not only taught her female players how to properly strike a ball, but also…balls!😋 Why restrict themselves to kicking just the big one when you can kick two little ones, too? And yes, Linda told us that footballers normally don’t wear a cup, which can be a blessing or not, depending for whom. That’s why you can see anxious players covering their crotch during a free kick. To protect what is their most precious, yet very vulnerable.

Their tactic was clear: to weaken their male physical dominance, equalize the natural differences, create disruption, and score as much as possible!  Even a light contact on the right spot can do the job. And the ladies even knew how to make it look like an accident or to keep it extremely inconspicuous. Normally illegal, but these intentional mishaps can easily be mistaken for a foot missing the “right ball”, swinging the hand back to keep balance, or just poor aim when the free-kicked ball flies to the sensitive spot, regardless of the hand-made protection. Amid the game's commotion, it's hard to spot these, yet the results are absolutely formidable. Sometimes, even no actual physical contact is necessary. Just a quick movement around that sensitive area with a hand or a leg is enough to trigger the protective reflex and distraction, giving the needed advantage.

According to Linda, the game soon turned into a hilarious show. Instead of presenting elegant passing, attacking, and scoring many goals, boys have been almost constantly rolling on the ground, whimpering in pain, and getting frustrated and angry. The girls enjoyed the “ball play” they created, having even more fun mocking the poor boys in agony and even acting like “concerned paramedics” rushing to assess the damage to the anguished men's packages. Fake apologies have not eased the pain either.

 It hurts a lot

The guys assertively protested to Linda, who took on the role of referee for the match. However, their complaints had absolutely no effect. Of course, “she hadn't seen a thing” and completely overlooked her trainees' foul play, instead blaming the guys for the simulation and making excuses for their failure to keep the lead.

At the end, the match ended in a draw, 3:3 or something, still a pathetic score for such a promising elite team. The embarrassed stayed with the ego-defeated team, limping into the showers, while the victorious ladies playfully teased their opponents. “If you want, we can come over and make sure everything down there is still functioning." Apparently, the male team's coach later complained to Linda, but she shrugged it off. “Next time, have them wear cups! And teach them not to make a drama out of a little friendly match.” It was a good, humbling lesson for them, don't you think?

"I taught the girls well," Linda finished the story, sounding proud but also a bit mischievous. And what is the moral of the story? A win over, even most fit young men do not need to rely on strength, and girls are fully capable of properly handling any ball(s). When teaching kicking and kneeing, Linda used a football and the principles and mechanics of the game movements, but that will be for another post…