The low-hanging fruits of female self defense

Low-hanging fruits have various
metaphorical meanings 

Sometime in the middle of our course, Peter and Bob had an important training session for a competition and could not come to our class, so Linda arranged for us a midterm round discussion. It was supposed to be a more informal meeting so we could, in a cozy and relaxed atmosphere, wrap up the past sessions, discuss the challenges of our training and to clarify issues for which there was no room during the regular classes. 

 We already knew Linda owns a small summerhouse in the countryside on the outskirts of our city. The house is small but with a large orchard full of fruit trees. She grows quite some varieties; plum, apple, pear, walnut, cherry trees, but she even managed to successfully cultivate some that are normally not that well suitable for the climate of our country like peaches, apricots and even kiwis! So now you know, where all the fruits used at the course come from. We did not mind, sometimes we left the classes with delicious healthy snacks in our pockets. 

We sat down on mats around Linda, got into the most comfortable positions and she initiated the round discussion with a story. “When the time of harvest comes, I go to my orchard with a basket and start picking the ripe fruits, first those being on the lower branches. These I can conveniently reach from the ground, but to get to those hanging higher up in the tree I must fetch a ladder. The higher the fruits hang the more difficult is to get them. However, those upper fruits receive more sunshine and are bigger and sweeter. There is even a saying in English ‘Do not go for the low hanging fruits.’ “Do you know what the expression ‘low-hanging fruits’ mean?” Linda asked the girl audience. “The most easily and quickly achievable task?” replied Susanne. “Exactly,” nodded Linda. “It is mainly used as business jargon, but for female self defense theory it has an important metaphorical meaning as well. Low-hanging fruits is of course a metaphor for testicles. As you already learned, going for testicles when defending from a man is the easiest and the most straightforward way to go. Furthermore, the lowest the testicles hang the more easily the task is achievable. You already learned some of the testicle-targeting techniques and that most of them are much easier to perform on a man with loose than with a tight scrotum.”

 

Jockstrap was invented in 19th century
to avoid injuries of low-hanging testicles 

Linda then highlighted this issue with a historical inside, “To circumvent this male vulnerability there was even a protective undergarment invented for athletes already in 19th century. A jockstrap is based on a simple principle to lift the male organs closer to his body and keep it all tight and packed to at least partially avoid the possibility of injury. It is effective even if no other hard cup or box is included. But keep in mind, rapists do not wear any protective garments. They are confident they can get away with their intentions. They would anyway have to remove it and expose their genitals at some point of the attack”. 

Linda then switched to biology, “Interestingly, the cremaster muscle does the same thing for a man as a jockstrap during fear, cold, or a sexual intercourse.” “Indeed, a wild sex can be a dangerous activity for testicles,” Linda added humorously. “Our professor of biology at the university used the paradox of testicles hanging outside as an example of an evolutionary trait for which evolutionary biologists are having hard time to find an explanation. She said that the theory about the low temperature sperm production is now disputed by many scientists. It is rather the sperm production being adapted on lower temperatures than other way around. For instance, some mammals do have internal testes. Imagine a dolphin with a flapping scrotum as he jumps out of the water or an elephant with two giant wrecking balls between his legs!” That wild imagination gave us some laughs. Linda then continued, “One theory says it might balance the differences between men and women in terms of physical fighting abilities. It is simply an anatomical weakness of which men must be extremely cautious and careful about. Nevertheless, we do not know yet everything about male sexual physiology and many things remain quite mysterious for science.” 

It was clear that the topic grabbed the girls’ attention and sparked a very intensive debate. Ana said that her boyfriend has low hanging testicles, and she loves it. Before she thought that only older guys have such saggy balls, but her boyfriend is only 22 and according to her, he hangs lower than her granddad! She finds it funny and cute when his ‘bolas’ swing erratically when he walks around the apartment naked. Once he was stealing from her portion of the sweets they received from her grandma, so she flicked him there. “Well, his mistake,” she said. “I got then all the sweets just for me!” Rebeca said that all the guys she dated so far have had rather a tight scrotum. “But I have never cared or thought much about it; I have been more interested in their penises anyway.” Emma reacted immediately to this, “I envy you Rebeca, I have not been that lucky. Too saggy, hairy and wrinkled balls simply gross me out; they also tend to be sweatier and smellier.” Susanne was the medical student at the time and the oldest of us, so she was more interested in the fertility aspect than aesthetics. She said that her boyfriend always gets from her a pack of nice loose shorts for the Valentine’s day so his testicles have enough room and the right temperature for the sperm production. She said she does not like the current trend of tight boxers and briefs; she has to always order her present online because airy shorts are normally difficult to get. She finished with a statement “Those sperm factories simply need a good ventilation!” 

I continued the discussion with my observation that my boyfriend’s testicles react a lot to temperature. I also noticed when they hang low, they are really in danger of various accidents. I told the girls a story when he squished his left testicle between his thigh and a chair during our romantic dinner. “The first moment I thought he screamed because the food was too hot!” Laura added, that once she read a story in a tabloid magazine about a humorous but at the same time serious accident. A man trapped one of his testicles between a toilet seat and bowl. He had to have a surgery done and he had to stay in a hospital for a couple of days, luckily, they saved his ball eventually. The man told the interviewer it was the worst pain imaginable. Tania was the only lesbian in our group and she just nailed this debate with an ironic comment, “Thanks God, I do not have to deal with such oddities!” 

The smile on Linda’s face revealed she is happy that the discussion got nicely initiated, girls lost their shyness and could talk openly about some touchy topics of male physiology so we can get into more serious aspects of female self defense…

P.S.

Now I allowed the anonymous comments again but so far still  moderated. I ask you do not misuse it as it happened week ago. I want to allow open discussion on sensitive subjects. We do not have to agree on everything and you can be critical, but I will not tolerate spamming with just offensive comments and hatred. 

The maple syrup on female self defense

I was so  surprised to find out that a single post describing a legit self defense technique on my little blog, which even does not appear on Google search, got tens of comments just in a couple of days. A great anger suddenly flooded my blog. Many, apparently male commenters, were accusing me of sadism, of being a supporter of gender double standards, promoter of violence against men, domestic abuse criminal, a violator of sensitive medical data and a hopeless mental health case. Well, at least the accusation of witchcraft was missing. Thanks God we are not living in the 16th century anymore, but I had a feeling that I appeared and whatever I would say, it will be twisted, and I will be just yelled at: ‘Confess to the sins of sadism and men hatred, otherwise you will burn on the stake!’ Listen, noble well-educated gentlemen, using a sophisticated langue does not make you automatically right.

Female self defense is not a piece of cake to be
 covered by a thick layer of sweet maple syrup

Based on the traffic data, one can easily estimate that app. 90% of the commenters come from Canada. I do understand that Canadian society is more similar to the EU than to the US, the gender societal issues might be a hot topic of debates there, but I doubt that was the true reason. Therefore, I ask here again for an explanation of the reason if anybody knows.

Maple syrup is a great traditional product of Canada. On pancakes it is a delicacy but putting it on salty dishes in excessive amounts would just spoil them. Most commenters would be happy if the touchy topic of female self defense is covered by a thick layer of maple syrup so we do not reach the possible bitter taste inside which might disgrace us. I acknowledge that many men might be distressed by my blog (I wanted to use the word ‘triggered’ but I didn’t because one commenter would be deeply triggered 😊). However, I will not sugar-coat this extremely important aspect of women’s safety by dumping it into a sweet maple syrup as others do, to mitigate any male anxiety and their qualms of potential misuse. This has been done for decades and the results are meetoo movement, sexual abuse, avoidable rape cases as well as some other adverse gender-related societal issues we are currently experiencing, and the commenters are not fond of. Me neither.

There was a comment which basically summarizes my stand on these issues. It got completely ignored so I am pasting it again now and I thank the commenter again for formulating it for me:

I've been following your "debate" and really don't understand where your detractors are coming from. Placing limits on your response to an attack would simply be playing into the predator's hands. The truth is that if you are going to go for the balls, you have to seriously go for the balls - setting a limit could prove to be a fatal mistake. Also, these moves have to be practised if you're to stand any chance of making them work. The practice needs to be as realistic as possible. Being squeamish could be a serious drawback. Finally, it's not your fault that the male anatomy includes such a vulnerability.

Self defense is on the periphery of interests of women worldwide and I want to change it. Please do not jump on me now again with your evergreen hypocrisy that you fully support that women have a right to defend themselves from rape, but at the same time please do not talk about rupturing testicles ever! It is no no!. A slap to the face should suffice. A rapist will for sure change his mind immediately.

Do not portray women as stupid and immature individuals unable to judge about an appropriate response. Yes, I admit tragic accidents can happen, and women can misbehave the same way, men misbehave (as we learned from one of the commenters). And I regret those instances, but are those the majority? One can be certain that more men suffer and die due to the knife stab wounds inflicted by their partner than by the nutcracker technique. I am pretty sure a movement called ‘ban knives’ would not have that many supporters as a ‘ban testicle self defense techniques’ movement!

Everybody should have an internal compass what is overboard and what is not. What is justified and what is not. Morality and personal judgment are, however not axiomatic. Laws are dynamic and different, personal views are different and human reactions to serious situations are different. My mission is not to preach but to provide self defense information. I do not take the responsibility for misusing the information the same way as knife producers do not take the responsibility for knife-inflicted wounds. You are supporter of men’s right and against double standards fine, but go somewhere else. You wont make much impact here. 

During my University times I attended a self defense course which was, by any standards, a normal self defense course, that is for sure. I wanted to provide a glimpse on such a course and why it was so good. Whatever happened there was consensual and nobody got permanently hurt. Was pain involved? Yes, as in most other type of trainings, e.g. I do not recommend watching a ballet drill. Was there a possibility of serious testicular injury? Yes, as with some other sports. A study found that almost 50% of young lacrosse players experienced a testicular injury! See: https://www.goldjournal.net/article/S0090-4295(14)00984-4/fulltext  

So actually, our course holds quite good statistics in this regard. Well done Linda!😊. Were Bob and Peter psychologically abused? No, at least not to the point they would not handle it as real men. They are not pussies. They got some (cute) balls to serve as our assistants whatever it took.   

I am not a men hater. OK, I admit I am an eccentric person with some sadistic tendencies, and I do use sometime an inappropriate language, but nobody is perfect. Once I lied to my boyfriend and performed a fake testicular cancer check on him and squeezed his epididymis. I already confessed, should I be ashamed for it forever? Am I the only one on this world whoever did this to a loving partner?

I consider testicles odd appendages of male body but also essential for human procreation. As proud, male-defining organs they should be protected and dignified but not always! There are instances, we women can take the full advantage of their vulnerability. I love to fondle my boyfriend’s testicles but at the same time I know how to seriously injure them and I convey that information to other women. Troubling? Maybe for some, but I do not care. Should I rather focus to describe and comprehensively list the situations when self defense is justified. No, I don’t think so. The noble commenting gentlemen can do it on their blogs if they wish, I do not have anything against it.

I hope that now I satisfied the hunger for clarification and explaining my stand. I will keep the comments anonymous and nonmoderated but do not expect I will enroll in another round of non-productive intellectual discourses, especially as I believe I already explained myself enough.  Soon I will post an interview with one of my course mates so we will get another woman’s perspective on the course. I hope I will also manage to make an interview with Linda soon and she might also clarify some things. And I will continue with the techniques and inspirational stories. My warm wishes to the great people of vast cold snowy Canadian lands. Enjoy the maple syrup and make love not ballbusts.

To crack two nuts

We immediately knew we are going to have some fun when Linda brought to our class a bag of walnuts. She gave each of us one and asked us to crack it using only our hands. We all tried hard, putting it in different positions, using different parts of our hands and even using both hands, neither of us managed to do so. Then she gave us second nut. “Try again now”, she said. We all got the idea. By confining both nuts in our palms and by pressing them together one or both cracked relatively easily.

Linda then continued her lesson: “The method I am going to teach you today is called the nutcracker because it uses the same principle. It can be applied when your attacker has a relatively small scrotum and when the GTP technique is not well applicable. Such a situation might for instance arise when he is still clothed but you have the possibility to slip your hand in his underwear. In this case the movement of your hand would be limited, and the pull part is risky or not possible at all as you would not have enough room for executing that. Like GTP, this is another very serious anti-rape technique and is intended to incapacitate your attacker to the point he passes out.”

Now she was pointing to her favorite detailed medical diagram of male reproductive system hanging on the wall: “Human testicles are like these walnuts. Testes are covered by a tough fibrous outer layer called tunica albuginea which protects the inside in a similar way as the walnut shell. The soft tissue of our hands cushions the hardiness of our bones, that is why you were not able to open a single walnut, but with both in a grip you could utilize the stiffness of the shells by pressing against each other”.

She then demonstrated the technique on two walnuts in a sock. “As always, at first you must establish a good secure grip by locking your forefinger and thumb around the top of the scrotum sack (A). Enclose both testicles with your palm and fingers and squeeze with all your might so the two testes are compressed against each other (B). The scrotal skin and the connective tissue are quite thin, so it does not act as an efficient cushion. Normally, you can initiate the move with one hand and to use the other for protection against any possible blows or even better you can use it to attack his eyes applying a single-handed eye gouge. As we discussed before for a man it is extremely difficult to counter two attacks aimed at two of his vital points at the same time. 

In case you have your other hand free use it to wrap it around the first one and squeeze both simultaneously to double the pressure (C). If you feel they cannot be compressed anymore, start to forcefully grind them against each other by pushing the base of your thumb against the opposite movement of your fingers. This should cause the tunica albuginea to tear, and the seminiferous tubules to get extruded”. She then did exactly what she was describing on the scrotum analogue and in no time we all could hear a cracking sound from the sock.

She added: “I know, it all sounds gross but don’t be squeamish, always follow through with full force and determination. It is a highly effective technique to eliminate you attacker. Testicular rupture generates shear unbearable pain and neurogenic shock so at this point he should be unconscious. However, always follow the 10 second rule. Maintain the hold and squeeze at least for 10 seconds from the point he passes out to be sure he is no threat to you anymore. At this point you can consider yourself free” She then took the cracked walnuts out from the sock and ate the kernel with a great satisfaction. We did the same with our nutty reward. While we were snacking, she asked us with some smirk on her face. “You already got quite familiar with Peter’s and Bob’s genitals so who has the most susceptible balls for this technique?” 

“Peter?!”, hastily but with some shyness in her voice replied Laura. I could see she suddenly blushed. We all giggled and looked towards the boys siting aside on a bench still recovering from the previous session. Peter cutely cringed and somehow instinctively crossed his legs. Linda continued: “You are right Laura. He has much smaller testicles than Bob, but still of a normal size for a healthy 19-year-old lad. If he was your attacker, you should be able to contain his whole scrotum in your girly hand”. Linda then raised her open hand in the air so we all could see and added: “Well, my hand is much larger than Laura’s so I could make a number on Bob’s testicles as well". We laughed again and now we looked at Bob who just lost all his pride to be better endowed than Peter.

Linda suddenly clapped her hands loudly, “OK girls, before using the actual living things, grab the model testicles or the rest of nuts and practice the move, I would like to see you all fully understand the principle and you are proficient in it enough before we enact some sex attack scenarios with the boys…”