How I met Bob and Peter

Having a male assistant with good vibes makes a
 female self defense class an enjoyable experience. 

 In several places I already mentioned Bob and Peter, two brave college students majoring in physical education who volunteered to play bad guys for our course. We called them ‘our darling attackers’. I admit, we developed a very close relationship, almost an intimate bound. Here is how I recall my first encounter with Bob and Peter.

That day I changed my clothes in the lockers and entered the training room. I immediately spotted two young guys sitting on the bench. Rebeca and Ana, the boldest of us, were already having a friendly chat with them. The other shyer girls formed their own group, but from time to time were inquisitively checking out the two young hunky lads with a couple of inconspicuous glances. Before I had a chance to join the conversation club, Linda appeared in her black yoga pants and top.

“Good evening girls,” she started the session with a friendly greeting. My classmates stopped talking and we all gathered around her.  When the guys stood up, I noticed they both have athletic but not overly muscular bodies and are at least 180 cm tall. Peter is of darker appearance, he has short haircut and deep brown eyes radiating self-confidence. On the other hand, Bob’s curly blond hair and soft features of his fair face give him a look of an angel. Both had common gym clothes and sneakers on, Bob wore a dark blue T-shirt and black gym shorts and Peter a grey T-shirt and sweatpants.

Linda announced to us, “As I promised the last theoretical session, today we initiate the practical stage of the course and luckily, we won’t be alone. I want you to meet Bob and Peter. For the time of the course they will be my training assistants, but don’t be too nice to them.”

After she introduced us to the boys, she continued, “Before we start putting the theory in practice, I prepared three small warm up exercises for you.”  She opened her backpack and took out a bunch of sticky notes and pens and gave them to Laura with request to be distributed among the girls so each of us has one blue and one pink sticker. Linda then turned to Bob and instructed him, “Bob, come here and grab me in a frontal bear hug.” Not knowing what he can expect he hesitantly wrapped his hands around Linda’s torso but tried to keep a safe distance. Linda noticed his hesitation, “Don’t worry, it’s just a demonstration.” Although it did not sound like a very convincing reassurance, he took more courage and pushed her closer into him partially compressing her 36D bra-size boobs with his manly chest. Apparently Linda did not care and explained the task to us, “Let’s imagine you are in this situation and you want to get rid of your attacker. Now this is the task for you: on a blue sticker first write the primary target organ or the attacker’s body area you would go after and then your body part would you use for the attack. On the pink sticker write the following target and again your body part to be used for executing the strike. If you are ready, place the stickers on the corresponding parts on Bob’s body.” 

Where to put the pink sticky note?

The exercise seemed quite easy, most of us wrote it right away. We already got the idea about the primary and secondary targets. However, some hesitation and shyness became apparent when it came to the part with sticking the notes on Bob, especially the pink one. Soon, both Bob eyes was covered with blue stickers, just one appeared on his Adam’s apple and one on his ear. Most of us, including myself placed the pink sticker somewhere in area around his midsection or thighs, clearly avoiding putting it directly on the bulge projecting from his shorts. One sticker even landed on his belly depicting a big arrow pointing down!

“All right, thank you, and now let me also do this assignment,” said Linda and wrote the words ‘eyeball’ and ‘thumb’ on a blue sticker and put it on the Bob’s right eye. Then she wrote the word ‘testicles’ and ‘kneecap’ on a pink sticker. She bended over and suddenly with a quick motion of her left hand she pulled down Bob’s shorts and with the right hand she stuck the pink sticker on his dangling bare scrotum. The surrealism of the scene and the reaction of the spectators is indescribable. Poor Bob immediately half-squatted, turned around and pulled his pants up to cover his genitals.  (Un)fortunately by turning around he showed us his naked tight butt as well. Blushing like hell, he realized he forgot the note down there, so he fished it out, and not knowing what to do with it, he crumpled it and shoved it to his pocket.  Ana, Emma and Rebeca could not stop giggling, Susanne and Laura were covering their open mouths in astonishment what did they just witnessed and Tania, as always, left some ironic comment. Peter was maliciously smiling and seemed to be quite relieved not being a part of this embarrassing stunt. Only Linda kept a poker face like she just performed a completely normal basic demonstration. She explained, “You all knew the theory, but you did not execute the assignment exactly according to my instructions. Yes, you all correctly specified the secondary target is his testicles, but there is no room for squeamishness and hesitation in self-defense. Also, some of you wrote groin instead of testicles. As I told you during the introductory lecture this is wrong and misleading. Don’t be ashamed to use the correct and exact wording like I always do.”

When the buzz dissipated, Linda continued, “Now let’s move on with the second exercise. Have you ever played a game called the ‘blind man’s buff’?” We all nodded as we used to play it as kids. “My rule of the game is that the ‘blind man’ should chase you around the room and if catches one of you and correctly identifies you it is your turn to be the blind man.” Linda chose Tania to start as the blind man and blindfolded her using a red kerchief.  The game started with great amusement. It was hilarious to watch young adults screaming and chasing each other like they were 10-years-olds. When a girl caught a boy or when a boy caught a girl, we hold our breath in anticipation how it’s gonna turn out, if the touching won’t be too inappropriate or accidently directed to some ‘forbidden’ places. But I think at the end of the day no one’s decency was harmed. When it was my turn to be the blind man, I was ‘lucky’ and caught Bob. I immediately felt a strong young male body, and then I went for his hair and its curliness immediately uncovered his identity. I could have also probed his pants, but from the previous ‘exercise’ I knew he is hot wearing underpants, so I rather avoided that area :).

For almost a quarter of an hour we had a lot of fun, but suddenly Linda clapped her hands, “OK guys this was the last round.”  We were all laughing and gasping for air from all that shouting and fast zig zag movements. Linda commented this, “It is a nice warm up exercise, isn’t it?” I somehow already anticipated this wasn’t just a silly game to fill up the time, but she again wants to teach us something. Indeed, she made a point, “Self defense training is a close contact body-to-body physical activity. You should not be reluctant to touch and feel each other bodies. But I noticed this time you all did well and had fun. That’s good to see. Next important thing I wanted to point out with this exercise is the visualization, it is important to assess the opponent and to quickly draft the most effective defense strategy. You all met Bob and Peter just minutes ago, but you were able to image them from your memory and to distinguish one from another even without your sight. It is not that difficult to recognize a  male over a female body, but to identify who it is requires noticing, memorizing and recalling the details of the body when needed.”

Who is going to win the tug of war?

“And now let’s do the last exercise” said Linda after she fetched a long rope from the closet and hanged it over a pulley on the wall. The middle of the rope had two flags tied in a 1-meter distance. She explained the game “We are going to play a modified tug of war game. One girl against one boy. You have to hold the rope at the level of your chest. Who will pull the flag to their side is the winner. Men are naturally stronger than women, so we have to give our boys some penalty. Let’s say they can use only one hand and you both.” This game became as much fun as the previous one. What started as a simple tug of war game, turned to a fight of genders. A loud screaming was resonating through the training room, girls were cheering the other girls and boys supported each other. Although the right arms of both boys’ were stronger than girls’ both arms, in some instances a girl took the lead.  It almost seemed Tania or Ana is going to win, but guys always managed to turn the tables and eventually won the tug.

When the last girl lost, Peter made a proud victory pose. “Do not celebrate too early Peter, it’s my turn”, said Linda while she put her water bottle aside and grabbed the rope. After the countdown, both pulled down with all their might.  Linda’s arms and hands are feminine, but the regular workout made them stronger than average. Everybody expected that Peter will have a hard time to win this time. After a minute or so of even tug, Linda suddenly freed her left hand, made a step forward and slapped Peter between his legs up to his bulge. He immediately cried out, jolted, let go the rope and covered his anguished manhood. Linda then, with a mischievous smile on her face slowly, without the slightest resistance, pulled the rope until the flag crossed her side.

She then turned to the giggling girl squad, “You probably think what I did was unfair and vicious, and you are right. However, always remember, in female self defense there are no predetermined rules. Self defense is a goal-oriented response to a serious danger. You have to focus on achieving the task, neither the fairness nor the ‘gentleman rules’. He uses his natural strength against you, you can use his weaknesses to your advantage.”  As Linda was lecturing the girls, Peter was slowly recovering but his angry face seemed he wants to yell at her ‘Bitch!’.  Susanne was holding him around his shoulders asking him how she could help. I always admired her being so caring for the boys’ wellbeing and safety.  When we were laughing and having fun, she was more interested in relieving pain, checking for injuries, and providing soothing words.

Once Linda finished her motivation talk, she announced the last activity of the day, “All right, we had some fun, now let’s move on practicing the male anatomy and vital points with our new training dummies…”