The art of kneeing (part 1)

When I posted the story about Alison, a CEO of a big company who defended from her harassing young boss using a well-placed knee, some of you were curious how I learned this famous technique of female self-defense. Soon after I started to write a post about it, I realized there is so much to tell and to explain that I decided to split this important and interesting topic into several separate posts. In this part I write about the class we got introduced into the art of kneeing. Here is how I recall it.

That session we expected Bob and Peter to come later because of some training they could not skip. To our surprise Linda appeared in the door with a net full of soccer balls.

Juggling a soccer ball is a good way
to initiate the training of kneeing

“Seems Linda have mixed up her classes,” Laura whispered to my ears. We both chuckled as we knew she also assists in couching a female soccer team at the university. As always, she initiated the class with a little exercise. “Girls, for today's warmup grab a ball and try juggling it with your thighs,” she took one ball and showed us what she meant, “The best is to start like this. Toss the ball from the level of your shoulders, use your  thigh to bounce it straight up and catch it with your hands. After repeating this sequence at least ten times, try bouncing the ball twice without catching it with your hands, then three times and so on… At first, just with the same thigh, then try to alternate the thighs for a nice juggling experience”.

After the demonstration of the basics, she showed us her professional skills. She was so good in it, almost like one famous soccer player in a commercial I saw some time ago. Needless to say, the very notable difference was her large breasts hopping in the rhythm of her perfect thigh-play.  

Most of us were doing this for the first time, so our performance was absolutely no match for the agility and elegance of Linda. Our failing efforts to tame the ball and keep it going where we wanted were accompanied by occasional (just girly:) cursing. After a couple of minutes, we were getting better and better an even I managed a nice string of uninterrupted touches before Linda ended this exercise by clapping her hands.

“Quite tricky, isn’t it? Don’t worry, it takes a lot of time to practice. But I could see some of you are quite good at it,” she glanced at me, while she was saying that, so I felt a little bit proud for a moment. “Now let’s have a chat about the topic of this session which is the knee strike,” she initiated the theoretical part.

We all sat down on mats around her. She took out her tablet from her backpack and surprised us by playing a movie clip. It was a scene of a well-known romantic drama from my country. I have seen it already several times, but honestly, not the best piece of cinematographic art. The film featured a young cocky guy from a rich higher-class family trying hard to win the heart of a beautiful village girl. However, she was only interested in a poor boy, a recruit sent to war. Well, a type of plot which always makes my grandma to cry.

A movie cliché with a lot of truth in it 

The scene Linda was playing depicted a moment when both protagonists accidentally appeared together in the woods. She was picking berries; he was hunting. He tried to take the advantage of the situation. Luckily, she ended his inappropriate advances by using a quick knee strike. He collapsed in pain and let her go. Her honor was saved, his testicles and machismo got hurt. I guess a lot. Linda stopped the clip and asked us what we think about it.

“Kudos to her for defending from that asshole!” Tania replied immediately.

“Do not go to woods alone!” Emma provided her original view,

Linda smiled to this a little bit naïve comment and explained us what she had on her mind, “This scene is a typical movie cliché, right? A woman resolves a dangerous situation by a knee to a man’s testicles. But there is a lot of truth in it. It is a very instinctive response, hardwired in our female mindset, something like putting hands in front of you when you are falling. The female character was a simple poor village girl, for sure she did not have a privilege to attend such a fancy self defense course as you do.” We all had to chuckle to this ironic remark.

“But still, she did what indeed works in such a situation,” Linda then continued, “A knee strike to the testicles is a staple technique of female self defense. It comes very naturally. It can be used in various situations, from different positions and in a combination with other techniques. But unfortunately, this move is often shrouded in myths and horribly taught in most self-defense courses.” She paused for a moment and gazed at us with her dark eyes before she continued, “But girls, I want you to master the art of this technique. I’ll teach you a fail proof perfect knee as a deadly weapon of a woman. Just watch!”  

The effectives of a knee can be nicely
demonstrated with two small unripe pears 

She got on her feet and took out a plastic bag with two small green pears from her backpack.  As I remember it was early fall, and these types of seasonal fruits were not fully ripe yet, so unfortunately, she could not offer us a health snack this time. She put the bag in the shorts of our ‘artificial’ kicking dummy and carefully positioned it inside, so it formed a realistically looking bulge. She straightened up and knee-stroke the area between the dummy’s legs. She put her hand inside the shorts, removed the bag and showed it to us. The pears were intact maybe little bit compressed to each other.

“This was an example of a bad, random knee,” she explained us, “It would probably hurt and there is a good chance it will create an opportunity for you to escape, but it might not be sufficient to take down a highly determined attacker or an attacker on drugs. Now I show you the type of knee I teach.”

She returned the bag in the shorts, got in a fighting stance, and forcefully kneed the dummy by a trio of fast and well-aimed strikes. Now she used her hips and hanged on the shoulders of the dummy. This time we could also hear an audible crunching sound. She fished out the bag from the dummy’s shorts and proudly showed us the outcome. The bag was now filled with mashed matter and the two pears were basically no longer recognizable. “An odd way to make a pear puree, isn’t it?” she said sarcastically while she dropped the mushy bag in the trash bin… To be continued.