Interview with Linda (part 2)

In the first part we already learned about Linda’s occupation, how she got into self defense and about her interesting research. In this instalment we will discuss male volunteers, how she found Bob and Peter and get them involved. I also hope she will satisfactorily rebut some of the concerns about their treatment during the course.

Linda maybe we can now talk about the course you lead. How long have you been teaching the course?

This year it is already the fifth season.

You mentioned that you received some backlash from the management. What happened?

The new dean gave the Linda's course a green light

When I was setting up the course, I knew that my style of the teaching will not be everyone’s cup of tea, but to be honest I was not expecting such a resistance. Apparently, there have been some anonymous reports—I don’t know from who—to the departmental management that I promote violence and I ‘misuse’ the male volunteers. I was told that I must ‘readjust the curriculum to follow the university moral codex and protect the dignity of all participants immediately.’ 

However, the atmosphere changed with the election of our new dean. One of her goals is to cope with epidemics of sexual misconduct and to increase safety on campuses. I had a brief meeting with her, and she told me she alone was a victim during her studies. She supported me in everything I do, and said to me, “I do not care if it is offensive or what your methods are, if it works, teach it! Linda, I need you to teach those girls proper self defense. If I had more time I would love to join and learn how to properly kick balls.” The allocated budget is also quite generous so I could buy some new equipment and give some small cash to Bob and Peter, so they have another reason to stay. It would be a pity to lose them.

I remember all the rumors about your unconventional approach. Some of us girls were afraid to participate, one of my classmates called me crazy because I did. Do you know you even got a nickname?

Not really, what is it?

‘Cruelinda’

(We both laughed). Well, I do not force anybody. Those not afraid to join my course—usually 5 to 8 students—are very committed and motivated and even thou maybe having some initial doubts and qualms, they soon realize why I do things the way I do. My mission is to teach self defense to young women properly, not to be politically correct.

Let’s talk a little bit about our two ‘darling attackers’, Bob and Peter. Have you had any volunteers before?

Yes, the course volunteers are usually the same I use for my research. Because Mike and Felix decided to leave due to that accident, I had to find new ones. I was very lucky I got Bob and Peter.

So how did you find them?

Linda recruits male volunteers 
among university students

They are our master students at the department. I was looking for the replacement of the two lost volunteers to be able to continue with my research and the course. At first, I thought I will make an advertising poster and stick it in a hallway, but one of my colleagues came to me that she already has two good candidates. She told me both were too focused on their training and forgot to take some theoretical courses and now they are missing some ECTS credits and whether participation in the experiments and the course can earn them some. So, I invited them to an interview to my office.

How did the interview go? How did you convince them?

Both were quite shy from the beginning. I think I explained them in all honesty what the goals and methods of my research are and what the course is about. I stressed that the training is very realistic, as will be their role as model attackers. I told them that I am looking for someone comfortable to get naked in front of the girls and not being afraid of direct physical contact. This also means they should expect some trashing and pain, including the testicular pain. This cannot be completely avoided when teaching female self defense. I told them this is just a small price to pay if they are dedicated to make their female fellows safe. I promised them that I will arrange those ECTS points and such a volunteering activity will look good on their CVs.

How did they react?

They gazed at me in surprise first, then at themselves, but finally nodded in agreement. I guess they really needed those ECTS points. But then I said “All right, show me your true commitment and drop your pants!” You should have seen they surprised faces. Peter asked, “You mean like right now?” I insisted, “Yes, I am serious, I need to see your genitals.” Reluctantly, with a blushing face, but they did. This wasn’t just to test their true commitment—they passed—I also wanted to see if they are suitable for the purpose of the particular research objectives and to be able to demonstrate variability in one of the most important targets. As you could also notice, they have a bit different testicles and penises.

Are you satisfied with them?

So far yes. I was glad we are going to have assistants in the same age group as the female participants. Statistics are clear, most university-aged women will be attacked by an attacker of their age, often classmates or dates. It does not only add to the realism of the training, but it also helps in bonding. Surely it can get quite intimate sometimes. Their athletic body type and stamina is also a plus. One of my philosophies is that girls should always go through that important empowering step of taking down a man regardless of their height, size or muscle mass. I always ensure this experience happens for every girl during the course.

How would you react to those accusations that you did not treat them well?

Linda arranged sperm count for
Bob and Peter to rebut any concerns 

Those boys are not from sugar. Both do sports on a semi-professional level. This means they must obey an authority and submit to a strict discipline. They train and workout daily, so they are used not to be treated with kids gloves. Last but not least, they were informed and agreed to help with the class with all it takes. Importantly, they also signed a waiver. When there was a problem I or Susanne took a good care of them. By the way she would be a perfect andrologist as well. She could be very empathetic with guys and also gentle with her hands. I admit that occasionally they left the dojo limping, with some bruises and they might have had to skip sex from time to time, but I am sure they have not sustained any permanent injury. However, once they earned those ECTS points to keep them for the next round I remunerate them with some pocket money. So technically they are not volunteering anymore. 

There has been a heated discussion in the comments, whether they got ‘harmed’ or not.

I always try to find a good balance between the realism and effectiveness of the training and the risk of permanent injury of our dear assistants. You can confirm that in some instances, when a serious injury would be imminent, I insisted they wore a cup and a head protector. However, full force, ‘no punches pulled’ sparing is an integral part of my teaching and accidents cannot be completely avoided. So yes, from time to time we had to deal with bruises, black eyes, limps, and a swollen scrotum. Luckily, neither of those have required any medical assistance.

Nevertheless, some of you, especially Laura and Susanne were concerned about long-term effect on their reproductive health. To comfort them, I arranged a sperm count check at a fertility clinic where one of my friends works as a clinician. I also saw some anti-doping screening results so I can reassure everybody that their sperm count and the level of testosterone is perfectly normal for boys of their age. Their role was to play attackers so one can expect they got beaten and be harmed in the same way as one can expect they fall from a bike from time to time getting some nasty bruises. I am pretty sure if they did MMA they would be at higher risk of serious injury. 

Doing any kind of sport puts a male at
risk of testicular injury

This is what I would say to all my critics. If you have serious concerns about men’s ‘testicular health and safety’, advocate for mandatory cups not only in MMA fights but also in other sports such as soccer. Occasionally we do a mixed match between our female and the male soccer team, and I could never understand that strange carelessness when it comes to wearing cups. It is so tiring to deal all the time with a male player writhing on the playground in horrible pain. And it is also so heart-wrenching to see those young men anxiously protecting their genitals when making a wall during the free kicks. So who is a sadist here me or the coaches of the male team?

To be continued...

Does size matter? 🍒

Testosterone and sperm are the
two great products of testicles.

No, this post won’t be about the importance of the penis proportions. There is already a lot of articles out there about this topic, and of course I have my own opinion on the subject 😊. But today I will talk about the size of the two tender thingies dangling behind the man’s pride. The testes are male reproductive glands—extremely productive little factories producing both male hormones androgens and sperm. In one of my earlier posts, I already mentioned that their size and shape do vary significantly among men, the average size is app. 4 cm (1.6 inch) in length and 3 cm (1.2 inch) in width.

What is the significance of the testicular size for female self defense? The first thing to mention relates to the varying levels of testosterone. For years it has been a controversial theory, but several recent studies finally confirmed that testes with increased volume do make more testosterone. This also implies, the more ‘testicularly endowed’ a man is, the higher likelihood of him becoming a dangerous aggressor.

Not all testicles are high up on the scale. 

Ironically, large balls also represent a larger target for numerous techniques of female self defense. For instance, during kicking and kneeing the risk of balls escaping the impact is lower and the chance of hitting them 'dead on' significantly increases. However, a woman with small hands might have some difficulties to effectively grab such a sizable scrotum. In this case the best option is to focus the attack on just one testicle and possibly to apply the divide and conquer principle mentioned before. On the other hand, when the testicles are small, they tend to slip out of the grip more easily.

Throughout the course, Linda made a really great effort to cover all the possible variables in detail. During one training session we looked into the importance of testicular size both theoretically and practically. As I mentioned before, she often used various analogues of testicles in her teaching. That evening she brought a couple of different types of fruits. Some were from her garden, some especially those tropical ones, she had to buy in a supermarket. She laid in front of us pairs of gooseberries, cherries, strawberries, plums, figs, kiwis and small avocados and gave us some perspective first.

“Representation of testicles by fruits has deep historical and linguistic roots. For instance, the word avocado comes from the old Aztecan ahuakatl, which also meant testicle. And as you probably know ‘plums’ and ‘nuts’ are also used as colloquial expressions for testicles in English.” She explained us that the fruits she brought depict the wide range of testicular sizes of men. The average testicles more closely resemble plums, but it is not uncommon that they reach the size of small avocados. Then she also mentioned that given the positive correlation between the testicular volume and testosterone production, it is quite likely that a woman would encounter an attacker with overgrown glands.

 Range of testicular sizes represented by various fruits.

After this intro Linda initiated a group work. “Girls divide into two groups and discuss and specify which of these fruits resemble Bob’s and Peter’s testicles the most.”

“Linda, you mean just size-wise or also how hairy and wrinkly they are?” Ana asked  humorously.  We all immediately burst in laughter.

Linda was smiling as well. “This time focus on their size, but of course you can comment on other aspects as well.”

We already got quite familiar with both of our ‘darling attackers’ young balls, yet we have not reached a unanimous opinion on the task. After a couple of minutes-long, very heated discussion the leaders of the groups were about to announce the outcome.

Ana started on behalf of her group. “We finally agreed that Bob’s testicles resemble smaller kiwis by both size and hairiness, Peter’s figs by their size, but avocados how bumpy the skin is.”

“Thank you Ana, and what about you?” Linda inquired the other group. Laura responded, as always quite shyly. “Well, we actually had quite some disagreement in our group, but the final outcome is that both do not have testicles larger than these plums.” She used her index finger to point on the two plums lying on the mat. “However, some of us believe that maybe those of Bob reach the size of these figs.” She then moved her finger over the figs.

“Well, I see there is indeed quite some disagreement.” Linda commented these results, “OK, lets have a look who got it right.” She called the two boys to leave their smartphones and to join the girls’ discussion forum.

Once they stood in front of us, she asked them directly, “Boys, will you show us your balls?”

Linda used the fruits like a
regular orchidometer

They already lost their shyness and got used to Linda’s ‘weird’ requests and without much hesitation they pulled down their shorts and proudly exposed their genitals. Linda then gently scooped up each scrotum with her hand, removed the penis to the side with her thumb and by putting the suggested fruits next to them she was able to make a precise comparison. Exactly like a doctor would use an orchidometer. This measurement proved that neither of the two groups made a correct estimation. Bob’s testicles were more like plums and those of Peter were as big as strawberries. 

“You little bit overestimated their family jewels. However, both are perfectly in norm and as you can see they produce enough of testosterone to make them good sportsmen with nice muscular bodies.” She gently caressed their six-packs to signify her statemen.

“Thank you boys for this kind demonstration!” She looked at them with satisfaction and helped them to pull up their shorts and at the same time she patted both affectionately on their buttocks. “OK, now go back to your smartphones, I will call you once again for the practical session once I finish the theoretical part with the girls…”