Does size matter? 🍒

Testosterone and sperm are the
two great products of testicles.

No, this post won’t be about the importance of the penis proportions. There is already a lot of articles out there about this topic, and of course I have my own opinion on the subject 😊. But today I will talk about the size of the two tender thingies dangling behind the man’s pride. The testes are male reproductive glands—extremely productive little factories producing both male hormones androgens and sperm. In one of my earlier posts, I already mentioned that their size and shape do vary significantly among men, the average size is app. 4 cm (1.6 inch) in length and 3 cm (1.2 inch) in width.

What is the significance of the testicular size for female self defense? The first thing to mention relates to the varying levels of testosterone. For years it has been a controversial theory, but several recent studies finally confirmed that testes with increased volume do make more testosterone. This also implies, the more ‘testicularly endowed’ a man is, the higher likelihood of him becoming a dangerous aggressor.

Not all testicles are high up on the scale. 

Ironically, large balls also represent a larger target for numerous techniques of female self defense. For instance, during kicking and kneeing the risk of balls escaping the impact is lower and the chance of hitting them 'dead on' significantly increases. However, a woman with small hands might have some difficulties to effectively grab such a sizable scrotum. In this case the best option is to focus the attack on just one testicle and possibly to apply the divide and conquer principle mentioned before. On the other hand, when the testicles are small, they tend to slip out of the grip more easily.

Throughout the course, Linda made a really great effort to cover all the possible variables in detail. During one training session we looked into the importance of testicular size both theoretically and practically. As I mentioned before, she often used various analogues of testicles in her teaching. That evening she brought a couple of different types of fruits. Some were from her garden, some especially those tropical ones, she had to buy in a supermarket. She laid in front of us pairs of gooseberries, cherries, strawberries, plums, figs, kiwis and small avocados and gave us some perspective first.

“Representation of testicles by fruits has deep historical and linguistic roots. For instance, the word avocado comes from the old Aztecan ahuakatl, which also meant testicle. And as you probably know ‘plums’ and ‘nuts’ are also used as colloquial expressions for testicles in English.” She explained us that the fruits she brought depict the wide range of testicular sizes of men. The average testicles more closely resemble plums, but it is not uncommon that they reach the size of small avocados. Then she also mentioned that given the positive correlation between the testicular volume and testosterone production, it is quite likely that a woman would encounter an attacker with overgrown glands.

 Range of testicular sizes represented by various fruits.

After this intro Linda initiated a group work. “Girls divide into two groups and discuss and specify which of these fruits resemble Bob’s and Peter’s testicles the most.”

“Linda, you mean just size-wise or also how hairy and wrinkly they are?” Ana asked  humorously.  We all immediately burst in laughter.

Linda was smiling as well. “This time focus on their size, but of course you can comment on other aspects as well.”

We already got quite familiar with both of our ‘darling attackers’ young balls, yet we have not reached a unanimous opinion on the task. After a couple of minutes-long, very heated discussion the leaders of the groups were about to announce the outcome.

Ana started on behalf of her group. “We finally agreed that Bob’s testicles resemble smaller kiwis by both size and hairiness, Peter’s figs by their size, but avocados how bumpy the skin is.”

“Thank you Ana, and what about you?” Linda inquired the other group. Laura responded, as always quite shyly. “Well, we actually had quite some disagreement in our group, but the final outcome is that both do not have testicles larger than these plums.” She used her index finger to point on the two plums lying on the mat. “However, some of us believe that maybe those of Bob reach the size of these figs.” She then moved her finger over the figs.

“Well, I see there is indeed quite some disagreement.” Linda commented these results, “OK, lets have a look who got it right.” She called the two boys to leave their smartphones and to join the girls’ discussion forum.

Once they stood in front of us, she asked them directly, “Boys, will you show us your balls?”

Linda used the fruits like a
regular orchidometer

They already lost their shyness and got used to Linda’s ‘weird’ requests and without much hesitation they pulled down their shorts and proudly exposed their genitals. Linda then gently scooped up each scrotum with her hand, removed the penis to the side with her thumb and by putting the suggested fruits next to them she was able to make a precise comparison. Exactly like a doctor would use an orchidometer. This measurement proved that neither of the two groups made a correct estimation. Bob’s testicles were more like plums and those of Peter were as big as strawberries. 

“You little bit overestimated their family jewels. However, both are perfectly in norm and as you can see they produce enough of testosterone to make them good sportsmen with nice muscular bodies.” She gently caressed their six-packs to signify her statemen.

“Thank you boys for this kind demonstration!” She looked at them with satisfaction and helped them to pull up their shorts and at the same time she patted both affectionately on their buttocks. “OK, now go back to your smartphones, I will call you once again for the practical session once I finish the theoretical part with the girls…”