Distraction and deception! 😲 (part 2)

 While the two boys were given some time out to recover on the bench in the rear of the dojo, Linda now quietly told us about the following activity: 

“With this little game, I want to test your ability to apply the principles of distraction and deception. You split into two teams, each with one boy. The goal is to execute as many shots to the testicles as possible, each being a different technique. The team with the most scored successful hits wins. Look, there is a nice prize waiting for the winning team,” she pointed at the luxury chocolate bar, placed on the table next to the entrance.

It was not difficult to plan our strategy

“Remember, this isn’t about brute force, but about using your wits and acting quickly and decisively. Just be responsible—no full-force strikes or going overboard, as you rascals often do. I don’t want to see anyone get hurt.” Linda looked at us with a stern expression so we would understand she meant it and continued, “So, Susanne, Ana, and Wendy will form one team, and Tania, Emma, and Rebeca will form the other one. Now, move to opposite corners of the dojo. I give you five minutes to plan your strategy, but don't overthink it! In real, often tense situations, you should be able to adapt and improvise. The game begins as soon as your assigned boy joins you. Is it clear?” We all nodded to her explanation of the rules.  

Once the three of us moved to our designated spot, we drafted our tactics quite quickly. We unanimously agreed that the safest approach is to play on the young man's ego, his sexual drives, including visual erotic stimuli, and his inability to multitask, and finally to act out of his sight. We anticipated that not everything would go as intended, so some quick and creative adjustments might be necessary.

After five minutes, she called the two poor, unsuspecting guys. They reluctantly put down their smartphones and got to their feet, still a bit limping from Linda’s harsh treatment. She told them to join one of the teams in the corners of the dojo to help the ladies with some workout exercises, and that the instructions would be given directly by them, as she just needed to fill out some forms right away.

I was glad we got Bob. I got the impression that he was a bit naïve and more gullible than Peter, making him a perfect subject to apply our skills and eventually win this little competition. Once he joined us, he looked at us inquiringly. Susanne explained to him that Linda just wanted him to show us some push-ups and sit-ups because, as always, she is continuously dissatisfied with our fitness. And that we need a good trainer.

Using visual erotic stimuli helped us
to get Bob where we wanted

“You have been working out hard lately, haven’t you?” Ana took the floor and complimented Bob’s physique as her hand slowly slipped under his T-shirt to reach bare skin, gently probing the well-shaped young man's torso. At the same time, we all assumed inconspicuous strategic positions around him.

“It is better to demonstrate the exercises bare-chested, don’t you think? Don’t be shy, young man,  show us your nice pecs and six-pack,” Ana lured him.

“And in return we show you something too...," I added, lifting my sports bra slightly so that only the bottom of my breasts was visible, giving him a brief glimpse but no more.

Playing on his male pride as well as the prospects of some ‘tit sighting’, convinced him in no time. He started taking his T-shirt off.  The moment it cuffed his hands and blocked his vision, we unleashed our deadly sequence!

I stood in front of him, which allowed me to strike him between his strong thighs with a knee immediately. I measured the force just right to make contact with the squishy package and make him feel it, but not crippling him. The betrayed boy cursed badly, immediately pulled his T-shirt back, and covered his crotch, staring at me with a mix of anguish and anger.

Our trickery worked, making Bob vulnerable

Suddenly, a loud cry of pain came from the other corner. It was Peter's testicles being busted this time by the opposing team. Confused, Bob instinctively looked in that direction. Ana took advantage of his momentary distraction and quickly pantsed him! She managed to pull both the shorts and boxers swiftly down to his knees, exposing his genitals. We had already seen him completely naked before, but his natural instinct was to pull his garments back up. This required a bit of bending and squatting, inevitably exposing the back of his scrotum, which Ana used as a convenient target, jabbing it with a sharp finger beak. The move is more of an attention-getter than a dangerous technique, but it still makes a strong statement.

He swung his hands back to protect his sensitive asset from any further attack, which, however, exposed his still naked, freely dangling testicles to a frontal strike from me. I swiftly kick-scooped the little bag containing fragile jewels with my toes, which made a funny slapping sound. He was clearly in pain and discomfort, but as he started to realize what was happening, he regained his composure, leaned against the wall, and cupped his anguished groin with his hands to guard it from any further surprise beating.

Susanne stepped in. “Stop it! Enough…you could have hurt him, fools!”

She then stood next to him, gently caressed his blond curly hair, and looked deeply into his blue eyes with the sympathy of a young medic. Yet, I believe some mischief was also evident in her expression, but luckily, that was the signal he could not decode. 

"May I check?" Susanne whispered into his ear, but actually did not expect any answer. She was very believable, and given her more reasonable and responsible character, Bob did not protest at all. Her hand went expertly under his gym shorts with the intention of checking for any palpable signs of testicular trauma.

A sharp, heart-wrenching yelp of pain broke the idyll.  

“And squeeze!” Susanne exclaimed with satisfaction. The time she spent squeezing the soft, juicy lemon was clearly longer than necessary, clearly enjoying the moment of accomplishment before letting go.

Bob was now on the floor, wriggling uncontrollably like a disturbed worm, nothing like the fit and confident lad he had been just a moment before. What was more hurtful, the hard and skilled squeeze of Susanne, or being so stupidly deceived and tricked? Bob was looking up at us with despair and contempt, like a dog that had lost faith in its owner. And we all looked down on him with malicious thoughts, thinking the game wasn't over yet, and pondering how to use the remaining many other testicle techniques.

Luckily for the boys, they were saved by the bell. Suddenly, we heard a loud order, “Ladies, time's up!”  Linda stood in the center of the dojo and made a cross with her hands, symbolizing the end of the exercise and the boys' ordeal.

An explosion of giggles, cheerful high fives, and joyful celebration erupted. Ana immediately asked the other team. “How many?”

“Three! Punch, knee, and an expert TK-chop!” replied Emma.

“We got four! Knee, beak jab, scoop kick, and squeeze! And all landed well,” she pointed at defeated Bob and raised her hand in a victory pose. “We won!"

We enjoyed the sweet prize for the winning team 

Both teams rejoined, and with great zeal, shared their tricks and successes, forgetting completely about the two young guys left behind on the floor, still in a fetal position, anxiously protecting their sensitive parts, absolutely determined not to fall for any more dirty tricks. I felt a little sorry for them. Not only were their testicles aching, but their ego was also severely bruised from being outsmarted by their female teammates so easily.

Linda, listening to us brag about our smarts, was again visibly pleased that we had understood the concept correctly and performed well on the assignment. Deception and distraction are indeed powerful psychological tools of self-defense for women, especially when combined with the vulnerability of testicles. Not only did I really like that she taught us such important lessons, but we also had some fun along the way.  The chocolate was great BTW… 

Learning through drawing – diversity of male anatomy (part 1)

This summer was extremely hot, and with Tom, we decided to cool off at a local lake. The place is usually very crowded, but we found a calmer, shaded place. While Tom was having a nap, I got bored reading a book and started to look at the people walking by and bathing. It was fascinating to see different people and their body types, and in men, bulges with visibly varying content. It immediately reminded me of one memorable class with Linda that really stuck in my mind—a hilarious lesson on male anatomy and, believe it or not, visual art…

Linda always managed to surprise us
with some bizarre tasks.  

After some intense exercise and practicing kicking, Linda called her sweaty and gasping girl squad "You did well today," then gave us unexpected homework: "I want you to draw your boyfriend's" genitals, both testicles and penis, in a relaxed and erect state on an A4 sheet, aiming for true depiction and detail, and bring your creation to the next class." There was a brief moment of complete silence. We looked at each other with a mix of awe and confusion, finding it extremely odd, having difficulties seeing any connection to self defense training. Then I heard some chuckles and even a weak "What?!" and  "No way!"

Yet, as we have learned many times before, Linda's bizarre demands and exercises often made sense in the end, and protesting would be futile anyway. Tania, obviously without a boyfriend, was asked to draw a random naked man she could find online. Although we were initially a bit baffled, we all left the dojo motivated to do our best to accomplish the task. Walking down the street after saying bye to my classmates, I realized how fascinating and revealing this psychological experiment might be.  

A secret snapshot of Tom's morning wood enabled
me to get the image of his aroused genitals.  

It wasn’t as easy as it first seemed; the problem was not that we were not a bunch of Picassos, sure, we could all do some simple sketch from memory, but getting the exact proportions and appearance was almost impossible without having real genitals in front of us, staying still as a model. We often handle them during intimate activities, but neither measure nor conduct detailed anatomical studies on them. Ideally, we could simply ask our guys to pose for us, letting us take time to do it properly. But who would be willing to reveal the real purpose of this highly unusual activity, with a sole focus on the external reproductive system instead of his Greek statue-type torso?  Then I also realized that the truthfulness of the depictions could be highly questionable. I suspected that some girls would like to show off and consciously or maybe unconsciously exaggerate the real size of their partner's manhood.  Who would not want to have a hung man and take pride in it, even if it means strutting in borrowed plumes? On the other hand, it is understandable that none of us wants to be embarrassed by having a sex partner with a pathetically tiny penis.

I was deeply worried about possible Tom's inquiries, why I was doing this, and whether it had anything to do with that “weird” self defense course. Rumors about Linda's unconventional pedagogical and training methods were spreading throughout the university. I wanted to protect his sensitive, innocent soul from such cringe, but at the same time, I was determined to complete the assignment responsibly, regardless of its peculiarity. Ultimately, I decided on a sneaky approach: to use my phone to secretly take a quick snapshot of him when he was leaving the shower—that would be for the flaccid state. In the morning, before waking up, he almost always gets morning wood. By gently removing his pajamas, it was the perfect time for another unsuspected snapshot to capture the changes in his aroused state. This allowed me to take time when he was not home to study all his anatomical features and reproduce his private parts into a drawing. I admit, my artistic skills are limited, so I inevitably produced a huge pile of crumpled paper rubbish. I tore the unsuccessful attempts into small pieces and threw them into the garbage outside so Tom would not find them.

Artistic drawing is not easy,
but in the end, I was satisfied. 

Once I was done, not to lie, I was quite proud of my work. I couldn’t wait any longer for the next class, not only to see other girls' creations and what kind of man’s equipment they reproduced, but also to understand the purpose of the whole thing. On the day of the class, I found myself rushing to the dojo as if I had never done before, having carefully folded the precious art piece and hidden it well in my handbag. My heart was pounding with great suspense.

Exactly as I suspected, just entering the dojo suggested that this class was going to be fun. Some girls couldn't control themselves and, before receiving any instructions, proudly showed their intrigued peers their artwork, peppering it with funny stories about how they managed to capture visuals of their darlings’ jewels and what kind of tricks they had to invent, which caused a lot of frantic giggling and some highly ungirly remarks. I do not blame them; none of us wanted to fail Linda's assignment. We noticed Bob and Peter did not come, so that somehow indicated that the things we were going to learn were not for their innocent ears or eyes, which only added to our excitement to the point that we did not notice Linda had just arrived. Hearing the loud chatter and vim, she did not let us wait long; this time, she even skipped the regular warm-up exercise, which was quite unusual.

“I see you are quite impatient. So let's check how you managed your assignment,” Linda asked us to sit down in a semicircle around her on the mat, and we did so quickly, filled with anticipation. She then gave instructions for the next activity. “I want each of you to go one by one, show the other girls your drawing, and then describe your partner's male organs in words. You can, for example, compare them to various fruits or other everyday objects if that helps. Comment on shape, size, skin, pubic hair, and other important features.”

We had a lot of fun showing
our creations to our classmates.

It was great that Ana was the first to present, since she's naturally outgoing and not too shy. Without hesitation, she confidently held up the sheet for us to see her boyfriend's genitals, using her finger to point out the parts she was discussing, just like a teacher addressing her class.

 “Well, as you see, these are my boyfriend's testicles and penis. I call his testicles bolas because they are perfectly round balls that usually hang really low, swinging vigorously like two pendulums. You obviously can't see it here, but even a small flick causes great discomfort, which I often shamelessly take advantage of.”

After these words, we all burst into laughter, but Ana continued, “They like to move up and down depending on the temperature and the intensity of my petting. His penis is like... let's say, a cucumber, I mean, when relaxed and unused like a typical pickle, but it can elongate to become long and thick, like those used in salads,” she proudly pointed at the drawn erect penis.

“They are actually called English cucumbers,” interrupted Susanne, eager to show off her culinary knowledge.

“Does it also taste sour?!” Laura's unexpected inquiry made us laugh again.

“No, at all, it is very succulent and delicious,” replied Ana with all seriousness.

Artistic representation of
Tom's erect penis 

 It sounded like a pubertal locker room banter we used to have in high school, but Linda let us have some fun and did not interrupt the ongoing cheerful chat. At the end of her talk, she praised Ana for her drawing and vivid description. The details she managed to capture were excellent; she depicted the deep crevices on the relaxed scrotum, long prepuce protruding from the penis end, and she made a great effort to illustrate a lot of long curly pubic hair covering the whole area.  

Now, when the ice was broken, the other girls enthusiastically followed her path, and we all fought to give the best presentation of our better halves' most precious body parts, intermitted with some more or less inappropriate remarks.  Some of us are naturally shyer than others, and expressing ourselves in such a tense situation was not always easy. Luckily, Linda managed to create a nonjudgmental, lively atmosphere. When the talking stalled and we groped to find the right words, she encouraged the audience to ask concrete questions, such as the estimated penis's length, girth, or volume of the testes. 

There were some memorable moments, such as when Laura was honest about the size of her boyfriend's penis in the flaccid state and called it a fat earthworm. Or when Tania presented a drawing of a male pornstar with a huge penis, which was circumcised—none of our boys are. The unusual curvature of Rebeca’s boyfriend's penis also drew a lot of attention, as well as an unusually tight scrotal sac. Susanne, as always, was very precise and used the correct medical terminology as much as possible; sometimes, we had no clue what she was talking about.  Some presented privates were clean-shaven, some bushy, some penises were truly on the shorter side… but we were absolutely not judgmental.

To be honest, most presented flaccid penises
were of the shape and size of a small pickle

I admit, I was very nervous when it was my turn, but I think it went quite well in the end. I described Tom's testicles as of normal size, resembling two ripe figs just fitting into my hand, and his penis, which does not impress at first sight, but when it gets aroused, it becomes a fat sausage, revealing a cute red strawberry-like glans. Listeners noticed the thick vein running along the penis shaft, which I managed to detail well. Don’t want to sound too self-appreciative, but I was also happy I got appraised for my artistic outcome, maybe not the best, but memorable for sure😉.

After we finished the round, Linda expressed her satisfaction with the well-played-out first exercise stage. “Now tell me. What have you noticed?” she asked us.

“Oh, we are actually very talented artists!” exclaimed Emma naively.

“No doubt about it”, Linda nodded, with a bit of an ironic tone and a smile on her face. “And what else?“

“Our boyfriends are all well-equipped real men!” Laura rushed to a somewhat dubious conclusion, possibly knowing this was not what Linda expected, but trying anyway.  

 Clearly not getting the right answer, Linda grinned and repeated, “Do not want to argue on that, I leave the judgment to you, but what else?”

“There is a high variability among the male genitals, in type, size, volume, how low they naturally hang, and how they react to arousal…even though the sample size was just six.” Finally, rational Susanne understood Linda's direction and answered correctly.

 “Exactly!” Linda agreed. The natural diversity of male reproductive organs in many aspects, not only shape and size, is remarkable, which has very important implications for self defense, more than you ever thought. You might choose a boyfriend and his genitals, but not your attacker. The knowledge of male anatomy and its variables and utilizing it to your advantage is one of the essential elements of my system, but it also involves a significant change in a woman's mindset.” Linda said in an almost preaching voice.

Our guru then announced the continuation of the exercise. “Now, put all the drawings in this box, and each of you draws one piece. Then imagine it as an attacker's genitals in front of you. Explain to your peers which technique you would choose and why it would be the most effective for the given type of organs.”

An awkward moment of silence followed.  We knew it was going to be a weird class, but like this? OK, one thing is to show some naughty drawings, and the other one is to listen to how your friends would batter our loving partner's precious sex organs. These were not just some anonymous imaginative drawings of some bad guys' junk, but our lovelings.

“Ana, again, you go first,” ordered Linda. Ana, this time, more hesitatingly drew a first paper and tried her best to explain the details of how she would injure Emma's boyfriend's testicles as well as his penis.

Linda often exhausted us not only
physically but emotionally as well

Now on, we all had to listen to gut-wrenching explanations of snapping penises to induce penile fracture, testicle twisting to induce torsions, and flattening the glands to mushy nothing. We got the opportunity to show all the knowledge of the most destructive techniques we learned from Linda, including the vivid descriptions of exposed penis heads being pepper-sprayed or bitten off completely  The saggy testicles were pulled till the cords inside snapped; tight testicles were punched in an upward motion to crush them against the hard pelvic floor.  Ironically, a long penis and sizable, low-hanging testicles were no longer a sign of male pride but rather a fatal weakness and a disadvantage for the owner.

This was an emotional rollercoaster. Instead of shooting  some funny remarks, we naturally became defensive and even shouted things like “Do it to your boyfriend's junk!” I also almost went nuts when I heard Rebeca saying that Tom's testicles would be ideal for a ‘handmade’ fig jam and that his cute little soft, strawberry-like penis head she would ruthlessly pinch with her long nails till separated from the stem. I looked at her with depreciation and hoped to get a chance to ‘return the favor’, which I luckily got.

I think we all felt relieved when it was over. Linda, while showing an expression of mixed irony and satisfaction, let us digest the exercise and cool off a bit. Suddenly, Bob and Peter appeared, staring in disbelief, or rather shock, at the pile of bizarre, often rather amateurish anatomical studies scattered on the floor, and at us, sitting emotionally exhausted. They had no idea the game we played, but feared they soon were going to get involved in some unorthodox ones, and their poor genitals were going to play an important part inevitably… 

Blind, choke, desex! 👀(first part)

Over time, I noticed that some readers of my blog might have gotten the wrong idea that Linda focused her training solely on techniques related to the testicles. As a result, both she and I were accused of having an unhealthy obsession with this area and hatred towards men. However, this is far from the truth. She taught us a comprehensive self defense system, in which the vulnerability of the testicles is just one, albeit important, element. I do realize that my bold and sometimes cheeky writing style may make some readers uncomfortable, but my intention isn't to shy away from such important, often life-saving topics. I aim to share what I learned from Linda’s course openly, which was based on her research findings, real-life experience, and extensive reviews of successful cases, suggesting that targeting the testicles provides the best opportunity for effective defensive counteractions.

Man's eyes can be beautiful, but also important
"high balls" target in female self defense

Linda trained us to handle various attack situations, equipping us with a comprehensive set of physical and psychological techniques and strategies. A key part of the course was to develop a thorough understanding of the male body and how to target its vulnerabilities, both physical and mental. Linda consistently emphasized that every man has delicate "crown jewels"—two high balls (eyeballs), two low balls (testicles), and a small protruding apple from the neck. All are very fragile, breakable, and arranged along the center of the body at a comfortable distance.

Every man fears losing them, protects them anxiously, and our task was to learn how to create the perfect unexpected “jewel heist”. Do you remember Linda's ideal deadly sequence for dealing with a dangerous attacker: “Blind him first, then choke him, and before saying bye-bye, desex him! He cannot rape you if he cannot see, cannot breathe, and cannot breed!”. Who wouldn’t love her hilarious mottos, mnemonics, and metaphors!

Following the recommended sequence to shut down all vital functions may not always be possible. Some sensitive spots may be more or less accessible, or not accessible at all, during different stages of an attack or in various situations. To open the window of opportunity, the principles of distraction and deception are therefore crucial. I already wrote about Adam's apple a long time ago, but what about the balls?—hmm, I mean eyeballs 😉.

Many “self-proclaimed experts” often claim that the eyes are the ultimate target in female self defense, and it's a mistake not to communicate this way. I’ve received plenty of such comments on my blog. I avoid ranking anything from best to worst, but saying that “eyes are better-forget testicles” is completely untrue; this is just someone's opinion, possibly an attempt to avoid feeling uncomfortable in situations by avoiding discussing the vulnerability of male genitals.

Consider these hard facts about eyes: It is almost impossible to employ anything other than the hand and fingers, and you need to exert precise movement, which can be quite difficult in a tense situation or in the dark. To do so, you still have to move your hand quite high, which can be a problem in close quarters or if he is holding your hands. Those who say testicles are too small targets might forget that eyeballs are also not very large objects; last time I checked, men are not big-eyed mignons 😶. The attacker also doesn’t just stand there; there is a natural protective reflex—he can pry off the hand performing the eye gouge or blink and move away when something comes close to his eyes. Don't you do the same? Attacking eyes might be repulsive for some women, but that can be true for testicles as well.

Play-along tactics, distraction, and deception are often
necessary for the execution of devastating eye attacks. 

Regarding the pros, eyeballs are extremely delicate, highly sensitive sphere organs protected solely by soft eyelids. A successful blow can result in serious outcomes, including intense pain, shock, excessive tearing, disorientation, and possibly temporary or permanent blindness in severe cases. The psychological effect on the attacker is also significant, inducing a fear comparable to losing testicles. 

Nevertheless, the eye sensitivity represents a crucial element in Linda's concept of distraction and deception, which I have already discussed in one part. If an eye attack succeeds, it temporarily stuns him and creates opportunities for follow-up strikes, including targeting our favorite sensitive dangling bits below. The good thing is that there's a convenient distance between the upper and lower parts. He might block one strike, but simultaneously, he's likely to fail to protect the other vulnerable spot, destined for a defeat and possibly losing something even more valuable…

What is rarely discussed is that male eyes are not only important because they are a physically vulnerable organ, but also because they provide sight, which can be easily used to our advantage; to occupy his mind and lower his guard, even increasing the sensitivity of the testicles due to arousal which is associated with increased blood flow into the genitals. Remember, men are extremely visually driven; a trigger of sexual excitement is often necessary to start the sneaky play strategy. Just a quick glance at a woman’s breasts will make him preoccupied and thus a much easier opponent.

Mirabelle plums are excellent eye simulants
for training serious techniques. 

Eye gouging should be performed as a stealthy attack, often by pretending to initiate a kiss or cuddle. Poking with fingers in a V formation can be done when the situation permits, and it must be non-telegraphed. As for other techniques, precise, unexpected, and quick execution is crucial. Training eye-targeting techniques is a serious matter and can be highly dangerous for both parties. As much as we were all for the most realistic training, we didn't want to harm Bob and Peter's beautiful eyes, so Linda secured a realistic rubber head with detailed eyes and a scary expression. It was quite durable equipment, surviving our wildest attacks when we went nuts. 

Like for testicles, she used fruits of appropriate size and texture to mimic the feel of real ones, including texture and resistance before rupture. Litchi fruits would be ideal, but are hard to get. However, Linda's Mirabelle plum tree in her orchard provided plenty of versatile, crushable, disposable training objects. The bigger served as testicles, the smaller as eyes…

 

To mash two potatoes 🥔🥔- introduction to stomping

Among the most brutal techniques of female self-defense are those in which a woman employs her strongest weapons—her legs—against an attacker on the ground. Many commenters asked me about stomping and whether I could make a post about it. This prompted me to do so, as stomping is an incredibly important so-called finishing technique.  Superficially, it might sound straightforward, but it can still be done incorrectly, missing the mark and in the end, compromising successful defense. Initially, I thought it would be just one post, but then I realized there were so many things to be properly communicated and discussed, so I decided to split it into several parts..

The last thing the attacker's testicles see...

Getting an attacker down is one thing, but ensuring he stays there while you make your way out safely is another. This is where stomping techniques come in handy. The prime target is obviously the attacker's testicles, but useful secondary targets include the knees, ankles, Adam's apple, nose, temples, and spine. One commenter posted a clip from a 2024 horror movie, MaXXXine, in which the heroine crushed the testicles of a potential killer with her stiletto heel. This is not just a work of fiction, but a good representation of a possible real scenario, taking advantage of the attacker's vulnerable position and the devastating capability of a spiked high heel.

You can incorporate a grinding movement
at the end, like you want to put out the cigarette bud. 

As I mentioned earlier, Linda often used vivid analogies to help us understand the mechanics of each move. She compared them to the principles of various types of machinery, as well as her favorite kitchen tools and utensils (sometimes quite unusual, I would say). When it comes to stomping, she referred to two metaphors: the drop hammer and the potato masher, which I think are very fitting, don’t you? Unlike front kicks, which require significant upward momentum and long-distance aiming, here, natural strength and weight are used to drop the leg down sharply on the vulnerable target with great force, making it one of the most powerful moves. It’s not just some kind of light stepping or trotting; the leg needs to be raised high and pushed with full force in the downward thrust. "Invite also the gravity to do the job," Linda said. What makes it so deadly is the key principle of pressing the soft target between two very hard surfaces. Plus, at the end, you can incorporate a merciless grinding movement, like putting out a cigarette, to inflict further serious damage, often a multilateral rupture.   

Two potatoes to be mashed together 

In Linda’s visualization, it was like preparing mashed potatoes with a potato masher, vigorously compressing the boiled potatoes between the masher and the bottom of the bowl and using a swirling grinding motion until they turn into a fine mush... just to add some butter, a splash of milk, and salt... a yummy side dish… 😊 Testicles might be a bit tougher than two boiled potatoes, but they are mashable anyway, especially if you use the technique correctly. 

There are several aspects to consider: the position of the attackers, whether he is facing belly down or up, and, of course, your position, how close you are to the attacker, and the availability of vital targets on his body.   As with other techniques, a good command of male anatomy is crucial; it is important to understand the position of testicles and that a sizable penis can provide some inconvenient shielding

The ideal striking area, whether barefoot or wearing light shoes, should be the heel of your foot, supported by a strong calcaneus bone. In some cases, the ball of the foot can also be utilized. When wearing shoes, the entire sole is robust and suitable for striking, but the most effective option is undoubtedly the stiletto heel, which can easily crush or puncture the soft target due to its pointed shape. The attacker's position also affects the choice of action. If he is facing down and exposed, the testicles may rest on the floor, creating a hard backing surface; if he is facing up, the backing is his pubic bone. In this situation, the correct angle is vital—striking just straight down might only impact his pubic area and/or penis.

The stomping technique depends on the position of your attacker. 
(A)  If the attacker is lying face down, you can squash the testicles between the ball of your foot and the ground. 
(B) If the attacker is in the position face up, use your heel and the backing of the pubic bone to squash the testicles. 

The moment he falls, he instinctively spreads his legs to futilely gain balance and soften the impact of landing on his back. Once he is on the ground, initially startled, usually after a hit to his testicles, he instinctively covers his genital area with his hands and presses his thighs together to prevent further danger to his already injured genitals. Here, quickness, precise targeting, and sufficient downward force are essential.  So once he meets the ground in a splayed position, use the first opportunity to execute the strike as quickly and cleanly as possible, without wasting time, yet ensuring it's resolute. If the situation allows, control his legs to keep them apart and the desired target accessible. It might not always be possible; let’s not forget that the principle of distract and destroy applies here as well. Focus your initial strike on another target, and when he moves his hands to the injured area, target his testicles. To create a safe opening, it’s best to stomp on the knee first to tear ligaments, causing him to bend the leg in pain, which provides a convenient opening for you. The most lethal action Linda showed us is to put him in a wheelbarrow position, a deadly hold he can't escape from, and giving you a freeway to his scrotum.  

Usually, the first stomp is all it takes, often sufficient to cause him to pass out and leave him with seriously damaged testes. However, if necessary, perform the move repeatedly with no remorse or hesitation. Once it is clear he is done and you have made some “mashed potatoes”, you can flee. In this case, using Bob and Peter to learn the principle and to aim for the right spot was extremely helpful…and fun. It was heartbreaking to see them lying helplessly on the floor, looking up in despair and hoping our leg flying down would just stop right before contacting their fragile reproductive organs…otherwise…  Luckily, it always ended well for them…and the following training of grinding was then rather a massage of their testicles.  To be continued…
 
 
 

The art of kneeing (part 6)

Female self defense is not only about getting the right knowledge and skills but also about keeping ourselves in good shape. Linda wasn’t some kind of rigorous, uptight academic; she liked to combine focused intensive training with fun, often in unexpected ways. We took her criticism seriously and somehow agreed that as city college girls, our physicality is compromised, and we need to exercise more. As Linda stressed, improved well-being and fitness come in handy right at the moment when we need to fight back.

Aerobics is an excellent cardio that can help boost
fitness but also train knee lifts   

Luckily, the stressful exam period was over, and I was ready to switch from brain to body workout. Linda recommended aerobics as excellent cardio to be done at least twice a day, starting slowly, a few minutes in the morning and the evening and gradually extending the duration, speed, and intensity. Aerobics consists of simple dance-like movements performed in quick repetition, improving strength, endurance, flexibility, and muscle mnemonics. All of this is beneficial not only for our well-being and health but also for training in the effective automatic execution of given self-defense techniques. A prime example is a knee lift, a basic aerobics move that closely simulates thrusting the knee up to the attacker's testicles with power, speed, and precision.

The knee lift can be done by placing the hand in front of you and bringing the bent leg upward repeatedly, hitting the palm of your hand with the kneecap. With your hand as an imaginary testicle target, you can easily adjust the position and height. Other relevant moves can be, for instance, back kicks, elbows, hammer-fist strikes, or forward punches.

As Linda suggested, I made my personal workout plan for the coming weeks and did the exercises twice a day. Initially, I was short of breath fast, but I noticed advances every day.  The sessions might get boring over time, but I came up with some great ideas for enhancements.  First, do it with some nice, rhythmic music, and there is nothing better than oldies classics such as iconic Olivia Newton-John's Physical and Michael Sembello's Maniac! To get fully into the eighties vibes,  I even bought purple leggings, a neon leotard, ankle warmers, and a headband!  There still has to be a training program on VHS from my grandmom somewhere in the closet, but even if I found it, I could not get a hold of a VHS player anyway, so I resorted to watching some YouTube videos to add some dynamic choreography and complexity to the moves.

Pink socks can nicely simulate the scrotum,
squash balls testes

Keeping in mind what I am actually training for, I devised a nifty training gadget to spice things up. I went to a local sports shop and bought two squash balls and a badminton shuttlecock. The squash balls were of an appropriate size and almost perfect weight, 24 grams each, close to an average man's testicle. The shuttlecock was a bit small and light to my liking, but I could not find anything better. I used the rubber band to bundle up the shuttlecock feather end to get the right penis-elongated shape. I grabbed a pair of pink socks and I placed the squash balls in one and the shuttlecock in the other. With a few more rubber bands, I assembled it all to get an almost-true-to-reality male genital replica, and admittedly,  I was proud of my little homemade creation! 😊 I pushed aside the coffee table and sofa in the living room to make room and by using a long thin rope, I hung it from the chandelier to the right height, a bit above my waist. And now I was just about to unleash my intensive tool-enhanced workout. I started repeatedly kneeing the fake scrotum with a little floppy willy so it jiggled frantically in all directions like an untameable plush monkey on a rubber band I used to have ages ago. I visualized the odd pink object as the genitals of a bad guy, which I intended to obliterate and send to outer space with each knee strike. I incorporated various strong shoutouts with each strike: Crush! or Pop! I always recall Linda's motto: “Precision and power have to work together, and do not hold back!” Also, I did not forget correct breathing is extremely important; I inhaled before striking deeply and exhaled rapidly with each shoutout.

The constant bouncing made it an unpredicted target, so obviously, I missed occasionally, but when I readjusted my aim and succeeded in landing a perfect hit, I exclaimed Gotcha! Maybe sounds silly but this arrangement was very helpful in my training endeavors and always made me long for the next session despite all the tiredness and sweat. Before closing the session, I gave my squishy toy a good squeeze “Now, we are both finished!” I told myself, exhausted, gasping for air, but at the same time ecstatic.   

I made sure I had demounted the prop well before Tom came home and hid it in the drawer under the towels. He was obviously very supportive of seeing me exercise, but I kept the double purpose of the aerobics workout a secret.  My boyfriend isn’t a wimp but a bit of a sensitive soul,  I wanted him to be spared from some awkward explanations on the purpose of the peculiar genital-like object being busted with my knees. I just want to keep it that way.

 We were happy to have our darling attackers back
with a real living set of testicles.  

There was a university midterm break, and two of Linda’s classes were called off, but I could not wait any longer to see my classmates again and to know whether other girls had as much fun and a great time as I did with the new fitness activities. Especially I was eager to share my tips and tricks on my ingenious training equipment. We all cheered as we found out that actually more girls had a similar idea about making a genital prop. Bob and Peter were listening to our chatter with disbelief and awe. To make a vow that their function as darling attackers and their testicles are not replaceable by any means, Laura wrapped her hands around Peter's lean body ruffled his hair with affection, and ensured him of his importance by whispering to his ears “Luckily, we have you and don’t need any fake genitalia for the training anymore, hope you are ready for today's assistance?”

We all giggled but stopped the moment  Linda entered the dojo.  She greeted us with a smile as she definitely heard what we were talking about, but was not bothered at all and immediately commented “Seems you used your free time wisely, looking forward to seeing your improved physique. We are going to have a very demanding class today!”

I noticed she was holding a basket with some garments, which she placed in the center of the dojo put her hands on her waist, and announced the coming program  “In this session, we enter the next stage of mastering full-power kneeing in realistic scenarios.”

“Yes! Finally!” Ana suddenly exclaimed in excitement and clapped her hands. She was not alone we all shared her zealousness.

Linda never turned down our enthusiasm but she stressed the importance of doing things right “I know you are looking forward but this is a highly risky activity so before we start let's gear up our boys first.” She took out an oval object from the basket. “This is a hard metal protective cup with a strap, it has an ergonomic shape and cushion. Our dean was so generous and spared no expense for the boy's safety, so I could buy the best product on the market. Let me tell you, the cheap plastic cups do not work, I have seen injuries from shattered craps before… it was a mess and not a nice sight.  The extremely important thing is to get the correct size so both the penis and testicles can fit in snugly and the assistant does not feel any discomfort. Too loose oversized cups are also not good as the genitals can get violently shaken inside and such a cup is more easily dislodged. That’s why I rather make the purchase, young men tend to largely overestimate the size of their package.”  

For full force, real scenario training high-quality
metal cups are required equipment. 

She showed us the product and rotated it so we all see its features “I  bought an M-sized for Peter and an L-sized one for Bob. OK, Let's see if I got the sizes right.” Linda's uncompromised genital volume assessment made Peter blush and look a bit embarrassed; Bob on the other hand smirked and showed signs of satisfaction. However, Laura a bit mischievously added to the touchy subject “Pity no XXL size cup for any of them!”

To save the day, Susanne put the genital size issue into more medical terms “That’s OK; we all know they both have genitals of normal size to their male post-pubertal stage, and anyway, somebody is always a shower, and somebody a grower.”  

“Oh, you want to tell us they teach this in your medical courses?” Rebeca could not resist to add to the discussion.

Linda disliked this deviation from the seriousness of the topic of male anatomical protection to such frivolous banter, she made a face and continued getting the boys ready. Peter was lucky to be the first receiver.  

“The most appropriate way to wear this thing is on bare skin,” Linda said and looked into Peter’s eyes demandingly. He understood the signal correctly and quite unenthusiastically removed his gym shorts and briefs exposing his male pride. With an almost motherly care, she helped him to get in the protective garment. She gently placed the cup over his genitals with satisfaction and fixed its position gently. “My estimation was correct, ladies look, how the sensitive organs got nicely accommodated in the pocket and are now shielded by a metal shell.”

She also handed him compression shorts so the cup would be secured firmly in place with no room to wiggle. To evidence that thing is working she knocked on it hard with no visible reaction from Peter, which clearly wouldn’t happen without a cup. He now looked like a superhero owning an oversized bulge 😊

We all watched our darling attackers getting ready with great interest and zest to test the testicle protective function of Linda’s costly purchase.  Suddenly Emma surprised us with a question out of the blue. “What if they got an erection in the cup? Wouldn't it cause discomfort or hurt them?” Even Linda smirked and I noticed she was not that confident in her answer “Possibly, but you are not supposed to arouse them.”

Emma added. “Well, we will see if our knees possess such a stimulating power!” We all laughed and our excitement went through the roof…

Chopping two gnarls 👋

Two woody gnarls are like two testicles.
These are more difficult to chop, though 

I envy Linda her nice romantic house in the countryside with a large orchard. However, she always told us that besides all the joy, it also comes with hard work. It is not just about collecting the rich harvest, processing and preserving it, or using round and soft gifts of nature as a male organ substitute in her intensive self-defense classes. It takes a lot of time and effort to prune young trees, protect them from pests, remove dead branches, and then take care of the remaining logs, which she uses as firewood. Imagining her, a respected female academic and coach, as an agile lumberjack swinging vigorously with an axe, was mildly amusing. But I guarantee, it was not just her bragging; she is a strong, fit woman of many skills. 

She claimed: I own a high-quality axe with a sharp blade and can split even the thickest log in two with just one precise swing. Some of my trees are already old and often must be cut down completely. I noticed the woody knots or gnarls often resemble one or two balls on a trunk or branch, but unlike those of men, these are extremely hard to split. With the right technique and the properly maintained tools, it can be accomplished without much effort.   

You cannot carry your axe
with you all the time 

The numerous anecdotes, old sayings, and words of wisdom she told us occasionally were not only to bring some cheers but often carried strong metaphors that helped us to grasp the core essentials of her unique concept of female self-defense. Her talking about everyday gardening and care of fruit trees and cooking were no exception. She once told us that in different forms, an axe has been used as a weapon for centuries. Even Amazon warriors are often depicted with an axe. Of course, you cannot carry such an armory with you all the time, but your limbs can serve as a nifty substitute. She told us to imagine our arm as a handle, and our hand as the head of an axe. With such a natural axe you can perform a so-called karate chop or knife hand strike a deadly technique in many martial arts. 

To make a point she even once demonstrated the power of such a blow by breaking a wooden board like a real karate master. Linda left us thinking what if a ball-shaped soft object was put on it, an egg, or an avocado? No doubt such a chop will cause complete obliteration of such a fragile object approximating male gland. 

As always, she provided us with many important details, tips, and tricks and allowed us to put our newly gained knowledge to the test. Let's now look at the bolts and nuts of this technique. Chopping with a hand can be done to any soft target on a male body: temple, nose, Adam's apple, but obviously, the best target is his testicles. In this case, Linda even had a name for it: Testicle Karate Chop, or in short TK-chop.

With a powerful chop you
can break a board or a testicle

 Such a resolute TK-chop to his most sensitive bits with your hand can be quick and unexpected as the hand is already approximately at the height of the groin, so it can be done for instance when caught in a bear hug—rear or front—or for example if being choked or even when freeing another woman from an attacker. 

You can strike forward or backward or even upward depending on your and his position. TK-chop is generally more powerful than a slap, if done correctly it can easily cause some serious testicular injury. Its effectiveness lies in combining a relatively small striking area and quick but powerful momentum. The advantage of TK-chop, as opposed to the classical hammer fist strike, is that the open hand is a narrow yet weighty object and can penetrate through the gap between the legs much more easily, the thighs will guide you precisely towards the desired target so it is hard to miss.

  

The striking area in this case should be the lower or upper ridge of the open straightened hand—ideally, the bony part of the sides of the knuckles. When using the upper part of the hand you should tug your thumb to expose that hard part and bend the fingers a bit. You want to cut through like you want to split through the joint of two sturdy tree branches in one hard swing. You have to gain momentum by swinging your arm in a semi-circle all the way, impacting from below, the back and bottom of his bulge. The best is if the trajectory of your hand is a bit tilted to one side, this way there is a chance of trapping just one testicle. If you hit dead center, between the testicles, still pretty effective, but they get rather separated and pushed to the sides, loosing desired crushing potential. The initial strike will securely stun him allowing you to repeat the move once again or several times and even continue with the finishing move, which can be GPT for instance.

The effectiveness of this TK-chop we could see in real even before actually learning it. Linda actually used it several times on Bob and Peter when they veered from the assigned tasks and training curriculum, got distracted, and started flirting with us or fooling around. Having teenage girls and two horny boys can create an explosive mixture, and for Linda, it was an everlasting challenge to keep the discipline and focus among her squad.  Having fun has to have some limits, especially when you need to achieve some training goals. 

Lucky for Linda and pity for the boys, she always kept one nifty pedagogical tool in her pocket: an occasional TK-chop, with a power depending on the ‘message’ to be delivered as well as the severity of their ‘misconduct’.  Don’t worry she made it obviously mild but still making a point. I remember she once chopped quite hard between Peter's legs from behind so her ‘axe head’ lifted not only the bulky bulge but the whole misbehaver as well.  After recovery he acted like an angel for the rest of the class. Poor boy, lesson learned. Not following Linda's instructions definitely does not pay off…

Jawbreakers 👄🍭 part 1

Popping a grape with teeth

There is possibly no topic more controversial than biting as a last resort of self defense technique, and several impatient commenters have been asking me to cover this issue for a long time. Maybe I delayed writing about it because it requires my earnest engagement. Not surprisingly, getting the concept of biting right was an essential part of Linda’s course curriculum. She always mentored us that it is important to keep our teeth set in good condition not only for health and beauty but also because one day can serve as a reliable secret weapon for some of the most effective (and surely brutal) self defense counteractions when in close quarters. Linda once said: “Don’t be discouraged that many consider biting some kind of pathetic girly fighting. You got to do what you got to do, which includes inflicting some serious injury by all means possible.” Linda always stressed she does not teach martial arts or sports but no-rules survival tactics and biting is undoubtedly one of such effective strategies highly applicable for certain situations.

Biting as an intimate activity can be also a good training 

Firstly, you have to understand what Linda meant by ‘biting’. It is not some kind of playful nibbling at erogenous zones that you do with your boyfriend as part of cute aggression during foreplay (no secret here, have a lot of experience with Tom) but once you decide to go this way, it has to be violent: sinking the teeth deeply in, munching, gnawing,  popping, or tearing to remove chunks of weak parts of male body parts: ears, lips, nose, tongue and not surprisingly also glans penis and testicles. Linda called these techniques jawbreakers—large American-style layered hard candies in the shape of large balls, you lick or put into your mouth and suck on it. Attempting to crush it, without softening puts your jaws and teeth at risk of damage, but when defending, this should be your least concern. As always, she also gave appropriate names for separate wounding techniques, usually referring to kitchen gadgets. I guess you can imagine what the cucumber slicer or cherry pitter means. Sorry for making you cringe, but it always helped with visualization and understanding the principle.

One of the downsides is it can be repulsive and when executed as required, it results in drawing the attacker’s blood and a serious risk of infection. Hence biting should be resorted for situations when no other options are available, for instance, your limb movement is restricted, your hands are tied, or when needed to be employed for additional strikes. Logically using teeth is possibly the most applicable during forced oral sex when those delicate male appendages are almost offered to you to take a good bite and send him into shock.  

American candy called jawbreaker gave the name to techniques
involving the mouth. They even come in egg shape 

Most of you are often extremely triggered by the fact that we were lucky to be granted the extraordinary opportunity to test our skills on our ‘toothsome’ darling attackers Bob and Peter.  Their involvement in our training and practice, was not a walk in the park for them, sure, and as for other techniques they had to offer even their most precious, bare reproductive organs for our ‘exploration and exploitation’. There is no learning without doing, no exceptions, sorry boys!😉  Of course, we did not bite Bob and Peter’s penis heads off or make chewing gums from their testes. Linda responsibly oversaw us and enforced a safe concept of exercises, but also carefully accommodated our different needs: some of us were shyer than others, some took (maybe too seriously) the issue of safety and sanitation, and some were concerned about ethics and Bob and Peter's well-being. But her arrangements and adjustment to the curriculum never came at the expense of our proper training. Understandably no excessively hard, skin-breaking pressure was allowed (this was reserved for genital substitutes only), but still, those two poor heroes left the dojo with some visible bitemarks on their willies and beans having something to explain to their girlfriends😊.

It sounds unfair and overboard but it brought a lot of fun, and creativity as well as blushes on faces, especially of those coursemates not accustomed to bringing out their fangs in bed.  Who would think there is a whole science behind the method of sucking a whole scrotum in the mouth,  firmly securing an ill-fated testis in the right place between molars before crushing it into oblivion like a grape, or how to completely severe the male head, I mean the one down there? It was as it sounds: dramatic, drastic, and deadly, and those who pity Bob and Peter I can't blame you. Just listening to Linda's detailed instructions, safety warnings and expected results made them a bundle of nerves.  Having a willing male partner and peppering your sex life with soft biting is of advantage, but in this post, I would like to touch upon the possible equipment, helpful for everyday routine and fostering your skills. Most of them you can buy in a local grocery store or even bake for yourself.  

Veggies and fruits: These are not only a healthy and tasty part of the diet but also affordable and easily accessible. Luckily we got tons of free supplies from Linda's garden. Their downside is that many do not represent either the right consistency, texture, or shape and size. Cucumbers and carrots are some of those obvious ones and can represent an erect penis, but biting through them is simply too easy. Testicular substitutes can be small fruits but be careful not to use those having a stone. Good examples are smaller unripe kiwis or cherry tomatoes. Just an advice, always wash the fruit/vegetable beforehand to remove the harmful pesticides and dirt.

Licorice penis batons 

Candies: Do you know those Chupa Chups lollipops with a spherical hard shell with a juicy chewy surprise insight? I was crazy about them when I was younger, I always could not resist, after softening it a bit by sucking and licking, then gnawing at it hard to crush it to get to the sour fruity but refreshing chewing gum. These threats are obviously quite unhealthy, they put in a lot of additives and colorants and tons of sugar, but as an occasional joy, I think it is acceptable. Good news, from now on, you can always justify buying them with the additional benefit of testicle-crushing training. 😊 On the other hand, I am not a big fan of licorice, but some licorice sweets often come in the shape of batons and even penises and have favorable firmness and chewy consistency. Unfortunately, their size is often too small for proper penis analogs. However, I found numerous recipes online, so you can actually bake them at home in the right size and shape. Sounds like a fun weekend activity, doesn’t it?

Realistic vibrators can be also
a multipurpose equipment  

Meat: Meat and meat products are possibly the closest substitutes for human anatomical parts when it comes to consistency. Taking large bites like a hungry lioness from a rare steak or ‘decapitating’ a hard paprika sausage to practice flesh-tearing and chopping skills can be another excuse not to always eat according to modern healthy nutrition recommendations.  

Sex toys: These can be quite expensive and nobody wants them destroyed in no time, even for the sake of self defense training, trust me.😊  However, their advantage over above mentioned substitutes is they come in a quite realistic shape, size, and texture. These true-to-nature substitutes can be used for acting out scenarios and a play-along approach with a dramatic ending. Some types of vibrators have a nice realistic set of silicone balls which can be highly applicable for practicing quick and secure sucking in testicles even those not so low hanging.

These are my tips but if you know any other good male genital substitutes let me know in the comments. To be continued…..