How my knee met Bob's testicles

I got a feeling there was nothing more controversial than when I wrote that during the course Linda allowed us to test our freshly obtained self defense skills on Bob and Peter not wearing any protection, leading to an unfortunate accident when my knee ‘met’ Bob’s testicles in a quite unpleasant way. Linda sought to provide us with the unique possibility of getting as much realism in our training as possible, which is simply impossible with heavy groin guards and padding. It wasn't a piece of cake for either of us, but luckily nobody sustained any real injury, although sometimes it was a close call. I would say it was a miracle, given the seriousness and brutality techniques we learned and the ferocity with which we tested them on the two boys.

Looking back this was the Lindas course's added value and the uniqueness of her approach greatly helped us build our confidence and empowerment. Exploring the male body and its weaknesses on our own and ‘learning by doing’ was part of Linda’s pedagogical philosophy which made the course very special and effective (unfortunately also controversial).

When our training endeavor was approaching the end, we became increasingly proficient in whole action sequences, not only knowing how to attack testicles properly even till the point of their rupture but also other sensitive spots: eyes, Adam’s apple, knees, penis, and even the coccyx.

I did not realize the young guy in the hood
having me in a bear hug was Bob. 

Ultimately Linda gave the boys instruction to realistically play out a vicious attack on each of us that would come in surprise; we did not know when and where this try-out would happen. Bob and Peter were told not to hold back and act like real attackers and we were supposed, not to pull any punches in our response. This was the occasion to show our mastered reflexes, our situational awareness, our ability to unleash what’s inside us, what we have learned, and whether we can use it when needed. This concept scrutinized our readiness for the dangerous real-life world.

The day the unfortunate incident happened—it was late afternoon—I was coming back from lectures and was excited for the class, to have fun with other girls and Bob and Peter. This time I came in a bit early. The hallways towards the dojo were long, shady, and quite creepy but I confidently walked through and was about to enter the dojo when it happened out of the blue. Suddenly two strong hands wrapped around me putting me in a tight bear hug. I got completely immobilized and my hands were pinned. Because it was dark at that spot and the person was wearing a hoodie, I could not see who it was, but my strength was no match to his.

After the initial shock, the adrenaline and training just kicked in, and thanks to God, I did not freeze. I made a quick plan in my head; some of my strong body weapons were not blocked. In the first step, I made a sharp head-butt to startle him and to loosen his hold a bit, which was followed by a sharp knee strike. I could not see the target so it was like a shot in the dark, I just hoped my knee would be guided by his thighs toward the intended target. But it was not a perfect shot, I could not feel the softness of his genitals. So, I quickly re-aimed for the following attempt, this time I went deeper between his legs, and voilà, the striking zone landed perfectly. His thin fabric shorts offered no protection, and I could feel I was forcefully compressing one of his testicles between the pelvic floor and my knee as I was lifting him. My kneeing concert continued. The second time I tilted the trajectory a bit, so the other male egg got equal treatment, and as Linda said don’t forget there is also willy, so I went with my knee also right in the middle, so all three friends down there were treated equally. This time my lower thigh greeted the tip of his penis, while its two eggy friends just got only a friendly whack from my patella.

The attacker’s reaction was as expected, he bent over and let me go. I followed by a sharp chop to his neck which just accelerated him to the ground.

Breathing heavily, in a dissipated adrenaline rush I looked down on the young man's muscular body, which was now folded, kneeling, holding his manhood, and cursing. I was just about to conclude the defense sequence with a resolute finishing move - a toe punt kick to the sweet spot below his butt cheeks where the back of his ball sack was exposed by his position. Luckily, before doing that, I just realized the guy on the floor was one of our darling attackers—poor Bob! I was horrified… Shit… I squatted next to him. “Are you OK?!” I asked him, but he just shook his head in clear anger.

I put his head in my lap and made him comfortable. 

“Let me help,” I wrapped his arm around my shoulder and assisted him to get on his feet. He limping, and I supporting him, we got inside the dojo. I let him lie on the bench and relax. I allowed him to spread his legs to remove any unnecessary pressure on the agitated spot and put a small pillow below to provide some cushion. To further ease the pain, I fetched an icepack from the kitchenette and helped him to place it gently on his anguished groin, sat next to him, let his head rest in my lap so he gets the best comfort possible, and affectionately went with my hand inside his blond curly hair, ruffling it a bit.

“Do they ache, Bob?” I wanted to break a bit of awkward silence.

Should not have asked, his reproach glance at me talked by itself. “Of course, they ache, stupid me,” thought to myself.

“I am sorry,” I whispered to his ears, even though we were not supposed to eat humble pie in this situation as we would not do it for a real attacker.

Ice packs are essential equipment
for female self defense classes. 

As a sign of my attentiveness, I pulled up his T-shirt halfway and started rubbing his pubic region with my hand. Not sure if it helped or not but at least I was doing something. Seeing and touching his naked body I realized how ripped he was. Why he wouldn't, he was a student of PE doing many sports and exercising daily. Bad thoughts started to flow into my head, and I became troubled there could be some serious testicular damage, a rupture, or torsion. This was not far-fetched we learned how to knee perfectly with the ability and intention to do such damage. This was the moment I was a bit angry with Linda she let this happen and put the boys' ability to produce testosterone and sperm and being such young hunks in jeopardy. Was it worth it for the sake of our training? I let the readers of this blog decide...

The almost idyllic moment was disrupted by someone who stood over us. It was Linda.

“What happened?” she asked.

“We just had a small ‘accident’ with Bob during a mock attack. I am unharmed and free, but Bob’s balls took their toll.” I answered guiltily.

From the look on her face, it was not clear whether she was happy I could defend myself successfully in a realistic scenario or she was dissatisfied that Bob was put out of action and now cannot ‘serve’ as an attacker for other girls impatiently waiting to learn male anatomy and practice their self defense skills.

“I worry, it might be serious, and he needs to see a doctor.” I conveyed my worries to her.

“OK, let me check,” Linda replied.

Without any explanation or asking for approval she quickly slipped her hand into Bob’s shorts. The examination wasn’t very gentle as Bob at some point yelped and shook a bit. It seemed she was palpating the glands meticulously but also vigorously, checking for any signs of trauma: bruising, hematoma, torsion, or rupture. She then removed her hand from the shorts, and I was anxiously waiting for the outcome.

“Well yes, I see there is indeed a serious problem… it seems our Bob is a lazybone and wants to shun today’s class,” and with the same hand she just seconds before probed his male organs gently slapped his cheek and a bit mischievously added “Isn’t it like that, Bob?”

Then she changed her tone to serious. “Don’t worry Wendy, no emergency, when he is fine, just bring him back. I planned a lot of things for you today, and the girls are impatiently waiting.”

Testicular examination is like probing
fragile eggs for any cracks. 

When she left, I could not resist thinking of doing the testicular check by myself. Not that I did not trust Linda, but I had the urge to take Bob's bag in the palm of my hand and probe the oval testes with my fingertips on the whole surface, to completely relieve my concerns. But I was hesitating to do my investigation because of the already rough handling of Bob’s testicles first by my knee and then by Linda’s hand.  

Before I could do it Susanne showed up and brought a glass of water and a pill. She handed it to Bob, but before that, she humorously commented. “Seems the dangerous attacker once again got what he deserved!” But she was nice, she advised us on remedies to mitigate the testicular pain, some were quite weird such as rubbing the toes! Again, not sure if it proved a magic cure but it was fun.

To my pleasure, she also suggested doing the genital examination under her supervision, so I do not feel guilty and can do it correctly. “We learn how to damage testicles but should also know how to heal them, or at least make an informed decision whether to see professional help” she winked at me.

I caressed Bob's head kindly and asked for permission.  He agreed. It was a strange feeling. Susanne gave me, a dummy on this topic, a thorough guidance on how I should palpate the testicles and what signs and irregularities I should look for. “Handle them like fragile two eggs you examine for a crack. Not as good as ultrasound, but our sensitive fingers can do the job as well,”  she said.

We also pulled down his shorts and inspected the testicles visually, and although they looked a bit swollen and with a blue hue, Susanne assured me there was no indication of hematoma, the icepack should provide sufficient relief and the pain should go away in a couple of minutes.

Indeed, after some time, Bob showed signs of recovery, and I decided to follow Linda’s order to bring him back to business.  A little bugger, he was truly lazy, acting like being glued on the bench and not willing to get up so I had to use a mild enforcing technique like swinging my hand above his bulge to warn him what could happen if he did not follow my demands. Then I made a mock GTP movement in the air and asked him “Bob, you don’t want to be pulled to the class, do you?” This worked perfectly and he slowly moved out of his ‘den’. 

In the following days, I was often rewinding the moments of the incident, the initial shock and adrenaline rush, the tenderness of the orbs being crushed, and how impactful my technique was on a much stronger young guy. It was a very strange but at the same time, empowering experience and I am a bit ashamed to say I wanted to go through it again… Was it all Linda’s plan?… Who knows...

How to handle manspreading (self defense implications) Part 1

I already mentioned before that from time to time, I read a feminist online journal. Not that I would agree with everything written there but it is indeed interesting to see different views on some, often very controversial topics. Last time there was published a whole issue about so-called manspreading and how to deal with it. If you are not familiar with the expression, in short, men tend to spread their legs wide open when sitting, which especially on busy public transport causes problems by occupying limited space for other passengers. Because I commute every day, I have noticed this, but it has never come to the point it would bother me much or that it would offend me. Tom also likes to sit on our sofa like that when we chill out or watch a TV.

However, the author of the main article—a famous local feminist—claimed that manspreading is a serious societal misconduct and one of the typical signs of toxic masculinity. It is a very inconsiderate behavior, and we all should make a great effort to put an end to men thinking it is acceptable to shamelessly expose their filthy crotches to everybody and limit scarce sitting space for female travelers. As you can imagine there was a very heated discussion in the comment section.

Men are trying to defend themselves by claiming this is an anatomical necessity to prevent the discomfort of their testicles being compressed between their thighs. This was concurred by a female physician who wrote a comment that also the peculiarity of male anatomy of the pelvis and hips is responsible for this phenomenon. However, she also claimed that there is no justifiable reason to do this on public transport, and men should simply withstand those usually short rides in a normal posture with their knees together. Most female commenters agreed that manspreading combines men's laziness, lack of attentiveness and consideration for others, and the continuing urge to display their male dominance (and crotches). This male misconduct is putting women in a very awkward position, they are usually anxious and embarrassed to say something to a stranger in a crowd.

Spreading legs put this young man's
exposed testicles in serious danger. 

There were some very interesting accounts in the discussion and many women shared their sometimes very unpleasant experiences. One woman wrote: “Once I was sitting on a train in front of a man wearing a cyclist outfit, and at some point, he just assumed a pose like he was relaxing on a couch at home. The outline of his penis and testicles was so apparent, it almost looked like he had no clothing on. I had to look through the window the whole journey to avoid this disgusting sight...Why these guys cannot behave and be decent in public spaces?” she added.

Another woman said: “A young man sat next to me and immediately spread his legs. He was acting like I was not just there, with zero attentiveness, and zero consideration. With his right thigh, he pushed me against the wall of the cabin. Obviously, I did not want to make a scene, so I just made a gesture, angrily looked in his face, and then down there expecting him to get the idea. But nothing, no response at all! Then I saw one of his filthy dangly hairy testicles slipped from his loose shorts and was ‘proudly presented’ to all the passengers!  Bugger!!!…, he just kept paying attention to his smartphone. I was so upset that at the next station, I got off the train and took the next one…” 

Some women know how to effectively
 handle the issue of manspreading.
A heavy bag and stilettos is all it takes. 

How to solve this unpleasant issue? One woman posted a comment in which she explained a very effective (and to some hilarious) way she invented to deal with manspreading on the commuter trains, she takes every day to and from her job. This is how she does it: She carries a big handbag, in which she puts a lot of heavy books. This appears very innocent, just makes her look like a hard-studying student or a young teacher. She also wears stiletto shoes. When she spots a ‘manspreader’, at the right moment she walks by, pretending she is looking for a free seat or wants to get off the train at the next stop. The moment she is in the right position, she suddenly plays out an act that her stiletto heel slipped or got stuck in the floor and she drops. At that moment a bag full of heavy load lands on the slayed crotch of the misbehaver. Of course, she mastered aiming very precisely so that the corner of her bag hit directly the highly sensitive and the same time fully exposed bulge. According to her, the sharp edges of the books always do the intended job. She then innocently apologizes and quickly leaves. The man is, however, left in great discomfort, and his dramatic pathetic response and even cry, of course, draws the unwanted and embarrassing attention of all travelers. She finally added that this way men can quickly learn that exposing their private parts is inappropriate in public and doing so can sometimes cause their testicles more harm than good. She claimed that after a couple of such ‘interventions,’ the manspreading on her train line was almost eliminated! You can imagine she got a lot of likes from female readers.

I attended Linda’s course so have learned how sensitive the male gonads are in their awkward position hanging between their legs and frequently getting compressed. So, from my point of view, I understand and probably valid are the arguments that when a man spreads his legs it is just to give his testicles enough room and maybe some rest and air to breathe—something we women often find difficult to sympathize with because of the obvious differences between our anatomies.

Although a complex and controversial issue, manspreading has been discussed by Linda as it has some very important implications for self defense.  A sex attack can often happen when sitting, and a man for instance demands oral sex. In this case, a man often gets comfortable with his legs apart which means fully exposing his testicles. Good for us, we can conveniently utilize this situation when willingly provided unrestricted access to the scrotum. Linda used Bob and Peter to show which is the best approach in these situations and which techniques are the best and we even learned a new nasty technique called a ‘toast maker’…. To be continued…

Busting the ball myths (part four) – the delay in reaction

 A couple of weeks ago one commenter submitted a very interesting video about some crazy accident that happened in Peru. It was not that clear what was going on, but apparently, it was some kind of bet or rock-paper-scissors game between a young guy and a lady. The guy lost, and the lady immediately kicked him in the testicles with a perfectly placed and strong front kick. The reporter mentioned she was an expert in karate. The guy went down instantly and was in great pain; a nice example of proper kicking BTW. From what I understood he ended up in urology ER and one testicle had to be removed. It was just plain stupid to take such a bet. Apparently, he is a YouTuber and did it to get more views; did not earn any likes from me though. Ultimately he learned his lesson the hard way, but I hope he is fine known and will be much more careful with the remaining nut.

Looking at the video, I realize that there is an interesting topic to discuss as a continuation of the series about ball myths. When reading discussions and pieces of advice from ‘experts’ about female self defense online, from time to time there is a very weird claim popping up. It often goes like this ‘You should not try to kick a man in the groin because there is a significant delay in reaction, and during this period, he can keep fighting and do anything to the woman.’  Again, it would be interesting to know the origin of this myth. Well to me it is just one of all the myriad stupid excuses for some men (unfortunately often self defense instructors) to shy away from the reality of their vulnerability down there and rather go on with some laughable but non-controversial techniques (kick him in the shin instead, probably no delay in reaction with this one LOL). I have seen and experienced plenty of substantial evidence this is simply not true.

They all go down surely and swiftly

Training with Bob and Peter and having their, often unprotected testicles at our disposal was a very good opportunity provided by Linda to bust such misconceptions once and for all. Trying by ourselves was worth the thousands of words. On numerous occasions, the moment I felt the squishy soft tissue of a boy's little bag with my fingertips, the palm of my hand, the knee, toes, or the top of the foot, the desired reaction basically instantly kicked in. Just a mild disturbance of the glands and what was a fit strong young muscular body in the blink of an eye just crumbles down and writhes in pain. Sure, a brief delay is there but can be a fraction of a second or maybe a second max. Not a convenient time frame for him to fix his tie and just keep fighting as some delusional men imagine. I understand that many women do not have the possibility to test things by themselves as we did in the course. Luckily, numerous videos posted online of some real-time accidents (or intentions :) such as funny home videos, MMA matches, or TikTok ‘Hit-him-in-the-ball challenge’ (apparently there was indeed such a couple of years ago, look it up) are a good resource to see the true physiological dynamics of a man being hit the testicles. Notice how the response comes immediately and is associated with the common protection reflex. If you are still eager to try it out, and you have a boyfriend or husband, just find the right moment and unexpectedly strike the area with a gentle slap. You can play it out as an accident if you do not want to reveal the reason for your experiment 😊.

Typical male reaction and protective reflex
after being hit in the testicles

It is logical as the testes are unprotected glands hanging outside formed by highly innervated tissue with thousands of pain receptors (nociceptors). When agitated they fire the signal which travels up to the spinal cord and brain. It has been established that the speed of the pain signal is around 1 m/s so it gets there in no time. The reason for this is to prompt the owner quickly: ‘Look your precious family jewels are in danger if you do not want to lose them, which can happen easily, just back off and take care of them.’ As Linda used to say, ‘Balls and brain talk fast, use it!’

To be honest from the neurological point of view the situation is not that simple and there is a bit of truth in the myth. In a medical article I read some time ago there are actually two pain responses, one is fast, and another is a slow effect which indeed comes after and is much stronger. The spermatic nerves are directly connected to the nerve system of the abdomen (testicles originated there and descended into the scrotum during development). That’s why the effect is also called the referred pain, and the typical reaction is bending over due to the cramps in the stomach area (vagal reflex). In conclusion, do not be discouraged by the myth perpetrated by those who often feel embarrassed or even threatened by the capabilities women have, to fight back. We should not submit ourselves to some pathetic bogus claims and rather follow the evidence.

To hull strawberries (part 2) - death pinch 🤏

The tables turned for the guys. While Bob showed signs of relief, Peter became increasingly anxious. Death pinch sounded horrific, yet it sparked our curiosity. We all instinctively surrounded him so he could not ‘escape’ but at the same time, we felt for him. By showing affection and being kind to him we tried to mitigate his worries. Before getting to the real demonstration, Linda fetched a small chair and a thick textbook with the title Human Anatomy from the shelf in the corner of our dojo.

Peter was understandably worried but
we tried to make him comfortable.

When she returned, she waived with the book in front of Susanne. “I guess you know it well, don’t you?” Susanne nodded “Oh yes, I spent long nights with this book. I am so glad I already passed the anatomy exam!”

Linda had a pink sticky note on the page with the male reproductive system. She asked us to come closer to make a circle around her and to have a look at the detailed diagram. She started to explain things that you would normally hear during sex ed classes, not a university self defense course. Nevertheless, it was all extremely interesting and as we found out later quite relevant as well.

“Women consider testicles as some kind of two round marbles in a wrinkly skin pouch, but these organs are actually highly complicated structures. Like strawberries connected with the plant at the back allowing the flow of nutrients and water, testicles have some plumbing attached, ensuring their vital functions and all-way transport of fluids. Sperm is produced within seminiferous tubules packed inside the testes, two oval glands covered with tunica albuginea, a tough fibrous cover that acts like a shell and is not easy to rupture.” She was slowly moving her finger on the diagram to specify all the structures she was referring to.

The testicle is a complicated structure,
the most sensitive part is the epididymis
which can be easily pinched off.

“Immature sperm accumulates in the organ called the epididymis where it matures before it is released during the climax. This organ is a soft bundle of highly innervated tissue attached at one point to the back of each testis. Importantly, it is not covered by tunica albuginea and is possibly a man's most sensitive anatomical part. However, it is relatively small and hidden in the rear so not easy to target…but it is a great pressure point for hand techniques when you gained access to the naked scrotum, for instance during a successful play-along strategy. The severity of the technique used on this part can be adjusted; just light squeezing will stop any unwanted advance of a date or overzealous boyfriend and will teach him a lesson.  A full death pinch will help you to get rid of the most dangerous attackers. Maybe even forever.”

“Why is it called death pinch?” Louise broke the silence and asked innocently.  

Linda replied “Well, it was called like that by my sensei, she learned it during her service in the secret service.  It causes the death of the testicle as it cannot be repaired. It is amazing that even a pinch by a woman can cause such a drastic effect. Besides that, it is so extremely painful it can cause neurogenic shock and death of the attacker.”

You should have seen Peter's face listening to all of this and expecting to have his testicles in Linda’s hand in no time.

“For the execution of a death pinch, you need to learn to locate the structure quickly and efficiently. Let me demonstrate….”

She put the book aside and squatted in front of Peter. “Let’s see what we got.” She pulled Peter's shorts down to his knees to expose the young man's genitals.  It was hot at that time of the year, so Peter’s scrotum was hanging low, his left testicle visibly lower. The quick pull movement caused the whole hairy bag with two eggs and one meaty Frankfurter sausage to swing like a small pendulum. It somehow called for a witty comment, and Ana did not wait any longer. “Peter has got a full package!” Peter got blushing and we all giggled but it was all light-hearted. We all greatly appreciated his bravery.

Linda ordered the poor guy to remove his shorts and briefs completely and put his right leg on the chair, so she could get unobstructed access and we can get a better view of the probed object.

For training, the back of the testicles
should be probed gently like an expensive fabric. 

“Let me show you something first.” Linda gently put her hand on his inner thigh and moved it slowly up toward his genitals. Suddenly, the skin of the scrotum shrunk so the testicles bounced up, and after a short time, they went slowly down gain. Like a small yoyo! It was so funny, it looked like the testicles got scared of Linda's hand and tried to get away from her! This caused another wave of laughter.

Susanne, even without asking, explained that what we just witnessed was a cremasteric reflex. “It is the autonomous response of the nervous system, triggered by potential danger, in this case, Linda’s hand, by retracting testicles close to the body to protect them. Usually of no avail!” She sounded very sarcastic with the last comment. 

Linda smiled and nodded in agreement. She turned to Peter and looked into his eyes, “Don’t worry Peter there is no danger to your testicles, there will be just a small discomfort.” She then immediately put the fingers of her right hand behind his sac and flipped them quickly a few times like she was writing on a keyboard, so the fingertips tapped the back of the testicles resulting in Peter’s scrotum rippling. It was a gentle movement but still triggered a significant reaction. Peter bent over and released a loud uff. He pulled his leg from the chair, covered his crotch, and reproachfully looked at Linda.

She did not care. “You see, just a mild tap on that area can shoot a significant pain signal in his brain.” Then, without giving him much recovery time, she pointed with her finger at the chair as a sign he had to put his leg back and get ready for the demonstration. Although hesitatingly, he did, and she continue with her demonstration.

“Ok, let's find that magic pain button. Watch closely.” She gently took his left testicle in one hand and clutched her thumb and pointer finger of the other hand at the backside.

Locate the cord first and then move down
to find the head of the epididymis.

“To locate the epididymis, you start gently feeling the spermatic cord at the root of the testicle.” She gently rubbed the area where the testicle attaches to the body. Like this, she raised her hand and showed a mild gesture, like you would probe an expensive fabric.  

“The spermatic cord consists of nerves, blood vessels, and the vas deferens and is quite easily palpable. Once you are sure you have it, move your fingers down and it will lead you to the head of the epididymis. You will notice some kind of bump of a different texture on the top of the testis. This is the head of the epididymis.  Probe it with your fingers along its whole length so you get an idea of how it feels.” 

I noticed Peter’s body was shivering a bit and there were goosebumps on the skin of his thighs.

She suddenly changed the tone from deadly serious to playful. “Of the note girls, I read that based on the firmness of the structure you can tell if the guy ejaculated recently.” She then looked again deep into Peter's eyes. “Well, based on what I feel, I suspect your girlfriend neglects her duty.”

“We can take care of it later, right?” Rebeca nudge me with her elbow and winked at me.

Linda did not notice her comment and went on with the demonstration.

“Once you located it, you can test the sensitivity of this pain generator by squeezing it lightly. I emphasize just lightly!” The moment she said that Peter’s body suddenly spasmed and released another uff. 

Linda commented, “It is very sensitive as you can see.”

“Now to the real technique. It starts with fixating a testicle with one hand, like this.”  She encircled the testicle with her fingers, so it got completely entrapped and bulging at the back. “Once you have it securely trapped, use the thumb and pointer fingernails of your other hand to claw the structure, like a crab. It must be violent, and the nails have to be hooked and sunk deep into the tissue in the grove between the epididymis and the testis. Then add the squeezing, twisting, and ripping motion like you would remove the stem from the strawberry. Basically, you dehulled his testis and disconnect it from the main body. There is no way it can be recovered and will have to be removed. The pain completely immobilizes him and it lingers for a long time.”

The whole metaphoric expression sounded weird but at the same time spot on. Suddenly we understood why Linda brought the strawberries and let us remove stems with our fingernails at the beginning of the class. Just that we get the idea.

Emma broke the long silence. “Fuuu! That sounds horrific!” She put her head affectionately on Peter’s shoulder. “Don’t worry Peter for good guys like you it shall never happen.”

Linda surprisingly opposed that statement “Well, some attackers might look like nice and attractive guys first. Don’t get fooled easily, always be vigilant, and do not hold back when fighting.”   

 The tension on Peter's face eased only when Linda let his testicles hang freely again and she got on her feet.  

Linda clapped her hands. “Time for practice girls! Let’s go one by one, but again it is a delicate thing,  I warn you. The purpose of this exercise is to familiarize yourself with the structure and be able to find it quickly.  You are allowed to squeeze it just lightly to confirm you found the right spot. So please no dehulling.”  We all got the idea that we must be extremely careful with this one. I could not wait for m turns. Rebeca was quite impatient “Can we also get Bob for this training? You know just to try on different testicles.” She wrapped her arm around Bob's shoulder as some kind of friendly gesture. Her request was made in such a demanding tone that was hard to reject.

“Sure,” Linda nodded, “just get another chair.” I could hear a joyful yes!

Shin, top of the foot, ball of the foot, toes? 🦶 That is the question!

At some point, I realized that one self defense technique I have rarely mentioned is the front testicle kick commonly known as the groin kick. Well, this is definitely not because I do not consider it useful, but this blog mainly focuses on overlooked last-resort self defense methods and kicking is rather a first-response move suitable mainly for the initial stages of an attack. However, I think all of you agree, it would be a big mistake not to discuss it thoroughly.

Although regarded as a staple classical technique of female self defense, it is again associated with many controversies and mixed opinions; some ‘experts’ even suggest ‘groin kicks’ should be avoided completely. The inconvenient truth is, if not mastered enough they can just fail, he might grab your leg and throw you, or if mistargeted it can just enrage him. On the other hand, a properly executed unexpected kick to the most sensitive male bits can be an immediate stop for even the most dangerous and determined attacker.

Legs offer different striking areas for kicking. 

Firstly, it is important to remember, like with kneeing, force, and precision are the most important elements of a successful kick. The up-from-under motion of the leg ensures the testicles are crushed against the pubic bone. Important is gaining the greatest momentum of your leg possible; in this way, you can lift him off the ground similarly as when kneeing testicles. When quick and unexpected, he has little chance to block or counteract it in any way. A powerful kick can be achieved by slightly stepping back and shooting the leg explosively toward the imaginary target above the genitals.  An ideal situation is when the attacker has his legs open at the point, he approaches you and squares off.

However, when reading articles and comments about female self defense there is always one unresolved issue always coming up: what should be the preferred striking area: shin, top of the foot, toes, or ball of the foot?

In one of my earlier posts, I already mentioned the testicle scoop kick, using which even the weakest woman can do a number on the attacker’s testicles combining both impact and jerking force of her toes. But what about other striking areas in normal types of kicking? You often hear advice like: Do not kick with your toes, they are too soft, you will just hurt yourself. Or: By kicking with the top of the foot you can miss, it is safer to use shin, etc. So how is it? You are probably quite interested in what Linda said about this issue. Well to be honest, there is no one right answer, it all depends on the situation and circumstances, for instance, the distance between you and him, your and his clothing or the type of your shoes, or if barefoot.

Let’s now discuss more closely and critically the different possible striking areas one by one.

The mechanics of different striking areas: (A) shin, (B) top of the foot, (C) ball of the foot, (D) toes. 

Shin (A): A very sturdy area of the leg can be used when the attacker is not close enough to be kneed in the testicles but too far away to be kicked with any distal parts of the foot. Because a quite large area, aiming does not need to be that precise, you just need to get your shin between his leg and move up, and your shin will find the desired target. The effect is like him falling on a handrailing (we all have seen the funny home videos). On the other hand, it is more difficult to get enough upward momentum without trying to kick much higher and the shin can be slowed down with his thighs.

Top of the foot (B): It is a more distal part of the leg so you can get a much better swing momentum and penetration. This area is fortified with tarsal bones, and wearing any hard shoes makes it even sturdier. Normally, the impact of the top of the foot comes from the bottom and a little bit from the back, which is advantageous, because as you already know the back of the testicles is the most sensitive due to the presence of delicate epididymis.  On the other hand, to use this area, there needs to be the right distance between you and him. Creating or getting in a convenient distance for a particular move is an overlook but essential part of self defense skills.

Kuba Kickz are handy tools
to add spikes to the top of the foot which can
do significant damage to his ballsack

Interestingly, there is a very handy self defense tool available on the market called Kuba Kickz. This small plastic thing is to be fastened between the shoelaces which just adds sharp spikes to your foot making the top of the foot a devastating prongy weapon. Linda owned one of these and showed us what those spikes do on a kicking dummy leathery bottom. Believe me, there were some indentations left behind! So don’t worry, luckily for them, Bob or Peter were excluded from the demonstration this time even if they wore cups. Still, it is not difficult to imagine what it would do with real scrotum content after a hard kick. I like they come in pink, and they are not an overly big object, but still not that inconspicuous, it is something one can wear for jogging but not a stylish piece for a formal meeting, date, or party.  I would rather avoid explaining if somebody asks: What’s that thing on your shoes?

The ball of the foot (C): In a normal situation hard to use as the whole foot would have to be raised up at a 90° angle. Also, this striking area is relatively soft and would generate rather pushing force from the front against his penis which would provide some cushion. It is hard to ensure up and under movement and crushing testicles against hard backing. On the other hand, it is a good striking area when kicking for instance from a sitting or lying position (these situations will be for sure discussed later).

Toes (D): As mentioned, toes should be utilized during scoop kicking to generate the right hooking/jerking motion. Toes are the most distal part of the limb and therefore can get the greatest momentum. On the other hand, bare toes are floppy and not as sturdy as for instance the top of the foot and a direct hit on the pelvic floor can be painful (but not even close as it is for the attacker). When wearing any pointy shoes, there is no doubt that this is the striking area of choice. Raise the tip of your shoe and drive it into his bulge explosively. The tip of the shoe has a great penetrating capacity and usually impacts just one testicle. When well placed the effect is great and can lead to testicle rupturing and him passing out. If possible, repeat the kick to ensure the complete defeat of the thug.

In conclusion, regardless of the striking area, kicking is an effective means of female self defense. There are so many more aspects to discuss in detail and of course, practicing kicking during the course was as much fun as kneeing or other techniques. I will cover it more thoroughly in some future posts.

To hull strawberries (part 1) 🍓 🍓

The last time I went to a grocery store and saw the price tag of imported strawberries I wished the season is coming soon and I can get some fresh from the local farms for a much better price…and cook my favorite strawberry cake… yummy. Thinking about strawberries brought back memories of a particularly exciting class when we learned the power of pinching and clawing for self defense. As I told you already, Linda owns a small summerhouse in the countryside with a garden and an orchard and grows all kinds of fruits, in an organic and sustainable way. She often shared the harvest with us so we could snack on it before classes and gain some energy and use those fruits as educational tools and substitutes for male anatomical parts.

Strawberry huller

I remember one time she brought a whole basket full of huge, red, and sweet strawberries. Believe me, these were the best strawberries I have ever had. While we were indulging in the delicious fruits and feeding some to (begging) Bob and Peter, Linda again surprised us with a strange object she took from her bag. She explained to us “I saw you struggling to pinch off the stem, we all know how cumbersome and messy it is, don’t we?  If you need to process a rich harvest for preservation or for making a jam this gadget really helps to save time, nerves, and precious fruits. Have a look at how it works.” She took a strawberry, pressed the button to open the pincers, dug them deep into the top of the strawberry, turned it a bit, released the button on the back of the handle, and then pulled the whole stem chunk away.  “Quite nifty, isn’t it?” Indeed, but we all knew she did not show us this rare kitchen utensil just to give us some fruit-processing advice.

While we were standing around her, she asked us. “Ladies, show me your fingernails!” We were all surprised by her request, but we all raised our hands up for her to inspect them. Well, I was a bit ashamed because, honestly, I do not put much effort into manicures and wear no nail extensions. To me, they look oddly long and often fall off. I rather trim and clean my fingernails regularly and I occasionally put transparent nail polish, that’s it. Admittingly some of us really have beautifully groomed fingernails and Laura wore nail extensions with a cute colorful dotty pattern.

Having a nice manicure is not only for looks 

Linda explained to us why she was interested. “You can use your fingers and fingernails the same way as this huller’s prongs to inflict a serious injury on a male body.  Fingernails are some of the best self defense tools a woman carries with her all the time. They can be used for poking, clawing, scratching, and pinching. I can see you all take good care of your fingernails, but not all have the right length; long nails can break, and short nails do not penetrate deep enough. The best is to keep them around 0.4-0.5 cm long. Also, the almond shape is better than the squared. Like mine or Susanne’s,” she raised her hand so we all could see and smiled, “we are well prepared for a dangerous encounter.”

She continued with the lecture. “Basically, you can pinch on any place of the male body which is momentarily available to you and cause some discomfort but there is a couple of vital points that are the most vulnerable on which you can cause serious damage,” she quickly added, “obviously many of those points are located on male genitals.” 

Natural fingernails in the almond shape of the
 right length can be a dangerous weapon

“You can skin his penis and dehull his testicles and seriously mess up the internal plumbing beyond repair with a little effort. This would stop even the toughest man in his track.”  She emphasized the word ‘dehull’ used in a metaphoric way but sounded horrific. “Well, enough theory, let’s see how it is applied to some real genitals.” She turned to Bob and Peter standing by. “Who of you two wants to volunteer for this demonstration?”

It was obvious that both guys already felt quite uncomfortable after her speech even though it was just about fingernails and pinching. They already knew that even a girly style of fighting can turn out to be brutal in Linda’s hands, literally. Their poor faces looked like the chunks of those strawberries stuck in their throats. They were of course very hesitant to step in as test models for this precarious activity.  

“The volunteer will get this nice strawberry from me” Laura tried to get her preferred volunteer by waving with nice juicy fruit in her hand and looking at Peter with a luring look, but he remained hesitant and tried to drift away from us. At some point, Linda became impatient, and grabbed the closest standing chap—Bob, and pulled him into the center of the arena.

Linda used to pat the boys on the butt as a sign of
appreciation and to calm them down

“Man up, you little squirrel, it’s just a demonstration!”  Without losing any further moment, she squatted next to him, pulled down his gym shorts and boxers, and exposed his swinging genitals. Maybe totally bizarre and surreal for most people but we have already accustomed to these situations and because we were in some kind of ‘fruity’ mood, we felt compelled to juice it up.  

“What nice two kiwis, we have got!” exclaimed Ana. “And a little banana as well,” I added, “Let’s chop it into a tasty fruit salad.” Linda rolled her eyes and looked at us strictly. “Easy, easy girls, act like adults, please. Be thankful to Bob,” she patted him caringly on his naked butt as a sign of appreciation and to calm him down.

She then proceeded with her detailed anatomical examination of the sensitive spots and apparently, there were many! 😊  “Let’s start with the penis for a change. This part is obviously accessible when he demands a blow or hand job, attacking the penis with your hands and making it unfunctional essentially prevents him from using his tool for an attack and making an opening for following moves. But it must be done correctly for the maximum effect.” After she said that, she held Bob’s flaccid organ with her left hand, bent it upward, and then with the other hand she pulled back his foreskin so the whole glans popped up.  

Despite Linda’s request to get serious and respectful, I think it was Ana who again commented. “Hmmm, and now we have got a nice red strawberry”, referring to the shape and reddish color of the organ which was now sticking out from Linda’s grasp. Because the approximation was so spot on it put a smile on Linda’s face and she let it be.  

“Instead of this immature banter come closer so you can see. The object is not very big, and I won’t repeat it.” We all chuckled and packed around Bob’s waist for a better look at the ‘far from sizeable’ subject. Linda was really pulling Bob’s foreskin till it was tight, which, based on the grimace on his face, was clearly discomforting for him. “You see this triangle of skin, what is it called?” asked Linda.  Susanne as always was very eager to show off her medical knowledge and immediately replied “It is called the frenulum.”

The nail of the pointer finger can be used to hook behind the frenulum (A)
or sink it deep in the meatus (B). Use the thumb to close the pinch, twist, and pull sharply. 

Linda nodded “Correct, this flap of skin attaches the foreskin to the glans penis. It is a very sensitive and highly innervated area, also very fragile, and susceptible to tearing.  Now see, you can relatively easily hook your fingernails around and pull with a sharp twist to tear it” She did exactly what she was saying but the pull and twist were rather demonstrating and gentle. Important, just be sure you hook your fingernails well behind. Damaging this structure will be very painful and prevent an attacker from continuing the attack. I knew that spot is sensitive, and Tom likes it a lot that I pay attention to it when I do him a blow job, but never thought of it as a target for self defense.

Linda moved on to the next target. “Let’s continue with the meatus, it is the opening of the urethra from which all the stuff goes out. It is actually wider than you think, and you can sink the fingernail of your pointer finger deeply in and then use your thumb as a counter for a sharp tweak. This is well working if you have pointy and long fingernails.” Her demonstration was again mild but still caused some discomfort and cringed face of Bob. On the other hand, Peter seemed to be relieved he was not chosen for this ‘activity’, but probably he suspected not for long. At some point Bob’s penis got stiffer, it was not fully erect just sticking out at a 90° angle and the foreskin stayed retracted so Linda could let go of the hold and use both her hands for demonstration and gesturing.  

“Now I am going to explain the method called ‘clawing the head’, very effective on the erect penis. She then pointed at the groove behind the penis head. This grove in anatomy called the coronal sulcus is conveniently shaped for hooking in the fingernails. She then gently lifted the fold of tissue with the nail of her pointer finger. You should start by forming a claw with your thumb, pointer, and middle finger, then sink the nails deep in the groove and pull. You obviously can’t remove the whole penis head, but you can cause serious laceration and bleeding and of course unbearable sharp pain.” Bob got frightened and started to breathe heavily when Linda formed the claw and softly nudged the fingernails in the seam of sensitive flesh.

The penis can be attacked by pinching e.g. the frenulum (A) or clawing the head (B). 

“Always remember to dig your fingernails deep in and pull violently while the nails are buried in the flesh. He will be a great pain and shock and you can use the startling moment to continue with other techniques, for instance, on readily available target—testicles.”

Linda suddenly surprised us “Who wanna try it out?” We all immediately raised our hands, just Tania stepped back. She always refrained from these exercises involving touching bare guys and Linda accepted that. “Bob will be for sure nice and let you try, don’t you?” Bob received another pat from Linda on his butt. He nodded in agreement, but I don’t think he had any other option 😊. Let’s go one by one and try out these three techniques I just explained to you but be careful, we don’t want to take away this little strawberry from Bob’s girlfriend. She gently rubbed the part she was referring to with her fingertips.

Some of us were really excited to try. Laura was impatiently flopping her long nail extension in anticipation and made a pledge “I’ll be very careful, I promise!” Promises, promises, but Bob shook and jolted uncontrollably from time to time as the girl’s sharp horny protrusions clawed in the specified places and enacted the move. Poor Bob, but well, no way around it. Sure we could use rubber dildos, but for these techniques, it wouldn’t be realistic enough. We needed to feel and inspect the real anatomical features, so Linda as always took the direct approach. It was indeed very educational how the fingernail shape and length are important; my short fingernails could not pierce deep or form good pincers. At that moment I decided to grow them longer. Practicality or aesthetics aside, safety first! 😊  

It was funny how some of us got deeply absorbed in the exercise. Probably because we have never thought about such extraordinary use of our fingernails. Although some of us clearly wanted to continue the drill, at some point keeping the time schedule prevailed and Linda closed this session, “OK enough, thank you, Bob, I think you had enough,” and pulled back his shorts over his now fully erect penis so it formed a funny mound. Then she used the hand, which just a moment before was demonstrating the mangling of his manhood, to caress him on his (upper) head. “That was for the penis, I think for the death pinch demonstration we need a relaxed scrotum,” and turned to Peter…

 To be continued…

The art of kneeing (part 5)

“Come over here!” Linda ordered Bob to stand beside the small punching bag. She then used her straightened hand to get the position of his testicles and by pulling the rope she leveled the small punching bag at the right height.

“Finally! The height is correct… but the size and softness are of course not!” she smiled and gently grabbed Bob’s bulge between his legs. His body frantically flinched—not from the discomfort or pain but rather from fear. Understandably, having testicles in Linda’s hand can be frightening, but this time she was just friendly teasing him. She briefly patted him on his head to thank him for his assistance and told him to step aside so she can explain to us the following activity.

“As I told you already, for perfect kneeing both precision and force work must work together to achieve the desired goal. Precision is needed to get the right spot and the maximum force ensures that a testicle or both are forcefully compressed between the striking area on your upper knee and the attacker’s pubic bone causing sufficient damage, preferably testicular rupture.”  I could see Bob and Peter winced after Linda’s comment.

Punching or speed bags are essential
equipment for mastering kneeing

“This exercise is in a way similar to football juggling, just this time with an emphasis on strength. You probably have heard of the expressions such as ‘Knee his balls up to his throat!’ or ‘Shoot them to the universe!’ These are actually very fitting metaphors highlighting the necessity of mustering great force as well as using the upward direction. Let me demonstrate.”

Linda stood in front of the bag “Imagine for a moment this speed bag is man’s testicles. The aim of this exercise is to knee the bag with all your might, so you shoot it up as high as possible.”

She explained further “You are all righthanded so use your dominant right leg; charge your body by stepping a bit back; the trajectory of your knee should follow a 45-degree angle; engage your hips to get better momentum. Also, correct breathing is crucial. You inhale deeply while you put your right leg back and exhale with a loud kiai! while bringing your thigh up explosively.  Imagine the impact zone is actually not the bottom of the bag but is positioned much higher, somewhere here, on the level of your belly button,” Linda marked the virtual impact point with her finger. “This way you fully utilize the power and momentum of your thigh,” she added.

Our teacher continued the demonstration “Simultaneously, with your hands, you are going to grab an imaginative opponent at the shoulders and pull down to increase your lift…like this.” She then performed the whole movement including horrifically sounding loud kiai!. Her knee contacted the bottom of the speed bag at high speed, released a thug sound, and sent it to a straight upward ride at least a meter in the air. Linda winked at us satisfied “You can also shout ‘crush!’ or ‘pop!’ instead if you want.”  

She then clapped her hands “OK girls, let’s make a competition, you will go in rounds, and the one who can bring it the highest is the winner.” She turned to Peter with a request “Peter, the girls will need your assistance to put the bag back and make it still after each shot so they can keep going swiftly.”

The exercise, although as weird as it sounded was again a lot of fun. And of course, ‘pop!’ was the most popular shout 😊. But OMG, the speed bag was not light at all, it had at least a few kilograms; when trying to strike it with full force, it actually hurt! So in the end, we were caressing our aching knees and thighs. Peter always quickly moved out from the spot of action in case an over-eager girl misfired, unintentionally or maybe intentionally 😉. Linda continuously commented on our tries to correct our failures, which often include insufficient breathing, not using the hips, and not fully utilizing the momentum of the thigh. We all cheered at particularly successful tries.   

Peter's sarcastic grin did not last long

It was difficult to precisely assess the height the bag reached but we agreed that Tania and Ana were the most capable and shot the bag almost as high as Linda. On the other hand, petite Laura struggled with the assignment which clearly caused some frustration, exacerbated by Peter’s ironic grin on his face. She acted up by grabbing him by the shoulders and raising her knee which stopped literally just millimeters from his manhood and mischievously shouted ‘pop!’. “Linda, I think it is the time we move on to some softer ‘poppable’ targets.” She put emphasis on the word poppable.

 We were all laughing, and Linda smiled as well  “Don’t be impatient Laura, you will get the chance to test your gained skills soon.”  I think we all knew that at some point we will train kneeing with ‘real testicles’ and were curious how it will all come about.  Nevertheless, this conversation effectively removed that sarcastic grin from Peter’s face. When Laura turned around, she purposely swung her hand back, so it made inconspicuous contact with his sensitive bits. He flinched and cried out weak auuu!. Laura turned back “What!? we haven’t started yet.”

High knee is an excellent work out exercise for
mastering kneeing 

Linda saved the day “OK girls, that is it for today, come I have some homework for you,” she waved to summon us for a talk. I see there is definitely some deficit in your physique. When I was your age, I did aerobics. It is an excellent workout system and has some excellent moves to practice self defense strikes. You do not need any equipment and you can do it basically everywhere. For the coming days, I want you to practice the so-called high knee. It is a great cardio exercise and strengthens all muscles in the legs so it should help you to improve your kneeing capability. It is like running in place, lifting your knees high, up to your chest quickly. Do it for a few minutes in the morning and in the evening.” She then stood up in front of us and showed us the exercise. “Start doing it first at a low pace; you can then gradually add more time and speed.”  Seemed easy, and I agreed with Linda we should exercise more, I was just wondering how I should explain to Tom what I am practicing this time…

to be continued...