Shin, top of the foot, ball of the foot, toes? 🦶 That is the question!

At some point, I realized that one self defense technique I have rarely mentioned is the front testicle kick commonly known as the groin kick. Well, this is definitely not because I do not consider it useful, but this blog mainly focuses on overlooked last-resort self defense methods and kicking is rather a first-response move suitable mainly for the initial stages of an attack. However, I think all of you agree, it would be a big mistake not to discuss it thoroughly.

Although regarded as a staple classical technique of female self defense, it is again associated with many controversies and mixed opinions; some ‘experts’ even suggest ‘groin kicks’ should be avoided completely. The inconvenient truth is, if not mastered enough they can just fail, he might grab your leg and throw you, or if mistargeted it can just enrage him. On the other hand, a properly executed unexpected kick to the most sensitive male bits can be an immediate stop for even the most dangerous and determined attacker.

Legs offer different striking areas for kicking. 

Firstly, it is important to remember, like with kneeing, force, and precision are the most important elements of a successful kick. The up-from-under motion of the leg ensures the testicles are crushed against the pubic bone. Important is gaining the greatest momentum of your leg possible; in this way, you can lift him off the ground similarly as when kneeing testicles. When quick and unexpected, he has little chance to block or counteract it in any way. A powerful kick can be achieved by slightly stepping back and shooting the leg explosively toward the imaginary target above the genitals.  An ideal situation is when the attacker has his legs open at the point, he approaches you and squares off.

However, when reading articles and comments about female self defense there is always one unresolved issue always coming up: what should be the preferred striking area: shin, top of the foot, toes, or ball of the foot?

In one of my earlier posts, I already mentioned the testicle scoop kick, using which even the weakest woman can do a number on the attacker’s testicles combining both impact and jerking force of her toes. But what about other striking areas in normal types of kicking? You often hear advice like: Do not kick with your toes, they are too soft, you will just hurt yourself. Or: By kicking with the top of the foot you can miss, it is safer to use shin, etc. So how is it? You are probably quite interested in what Linda said about this issue. Well to be honest, there is no one right answer, it all depends on the situation and circumstances, for instance, the distance between you and him, your and his clothing or the type of your shoes, or if barefoot.

Let’s now discuss more closely and critically the different possible striking areas one by one.

The mechanics of different striking areas: (A) shin, (B) top of the foot, (C) ball of the foot, (D) toes. 

Shin (A): A very sturdy area of the leg can be used when the attacker is not close enough to be kneed in the testicles but too far away to be kicked with any distal parts of the foot. Because a quite large area, aiming does not need to be that precise, you just need to get your shin between his leg and move up, and your shin will find the desired target. The effect is like him falling on a handrailing (we all have seen the funny home videos). On the other hand, it is more difficult to get enough upward momentum without trying to kick much higher and the shin can be slowed down with his thighs.

Top of the foot (B): It is a more distal part of the leg so you can get a much better swing momentum and penetration. This area is fortified with tarsal bones, and wearing any hard shoes makes it even sturdier. Normally, the impact of the top of the foot comes from the bottom and a little bit from the back, which is advantageous, because as you already know the back of the testicles is the most sensitive due to the presence of delicate epididymis.  On the other hand, to use this area, there needs to be the right distance between you and him. Creating or getting in a convenient distance for a particular move is an overlook but essential part of self defense skills.

Kuba Kickz are handy tools
to add spikes to the top of the foot which can
do significant damage to his ballsack

Interestingly, there is a very handy self defense tool available on the market called Kuba Kickz. This small plastic thing is to be fastened between the shoelaces which just adds sharp spikes to your foot making the top of the foot a devastating prongy weapon. Linda owned one of these and showed us what those spikes do on a kicking dummy leathery bottom. Believe me, there were some indentations left behind! So don’t worry, luckily for them, Bob or Peter were excluded from the demonstration this time even if they wore cups. Still, it is not difficult to imagine what it would do with real scrotum content after a hard kick. I like they come in pink, and they are not an overly big object, but still not that inconspicuous, it is something one can wear for jogging but not a stylish piece for a formal meeting, date, or party.  I would rather avoid explaining if somebody asks: What’s that thing on your shoes?

The ball of the foot (C): In a normal situation hard to use as the whole foot would have to be raised up at a 90° angle. Also, this striking area is relatively soft and would generate rather pushing force from the front against his penis which would provide some cushion. It is hard to ensure up and under movement and crushing testicles against hard backing. On the other hand, it is a good striking area when kicking for instance from a sitting or lying position (these situations will be for sure discussed later).

Toes (D): As mentioned, toes should be utilized during scoop kicking to generate the right hooking/jerking motion. Toes are the most distal part of the limb and therefore can get the greatest momentum. On the other hand, bare toes are floppy and not as sturdy as for instance the top of the foot and a direct hit on the pelvic floor can be painful (but not even close as it is for the attacker). When wearing any pointy shoes, there is no doubt that this is the striking area of choice. Raise the tip of your shoe and drive it into his bulge explosively. The tip of the shoe has a great penetrating capacity and usually impacts just one testicle. When well placed the effect is great and can lead to testicle rupturing and him passing out. If possible, repeat the kick to ensure the complete defeat of the thug.

In conclusion, regardless of the striking area, kicking is an effective means of female self defense. There are so many more aspects to discuss in detail and of course, practicing kicking during the course was as much fun as kneeing or other techniques. I will cover it more thoroughly in some future posts.

To hull strawberries (part 1) 🍓 🍓

The last time I went to a grocery store and saw the price tag of imported strawberries I wished the season is coming soon and I can get some fresh from the local farms for a much better price…and cook my favorite strawberry cake… yummy. Thinking about strawberries brought back memories of a particularly exciting class when we learned the power of pinching and clawing for self defense. As I told you already, Linda owns a small summerhouse in the countryside with a garden and an orchard and grows all kinds of fruits, in an organic and sustainable way. She often shared the harvest with us so we could snack on it before classes and gain some energy and use those fruits as educational tools and substitutes for male anatomical parts.

Strawberry huller

I remember one time she brought a whole basket full of huge, red, and sweet strawberries. Believe me, these were the best strawberries I have ever had. While we were indulging in the delicious fruits and feeding some to (begging) Bob and Peter, Linda again surprised us with a strange object she took from her bag. She explained to us “I saw you struggling to pinch off the stem, we all know how cumbersome and messy it is, don’t we?  If you need to process a rich harvest for preservation or for making a jam this gadget really helps to save time, nerves, and precious fruits. Have a look at how it works.” She took a strawberry, pressed the button to open the pincers, dug them deep into the top of the strawberry, turned it a bit, released the button on the back of the handle, and then pulled the whole stem chunk away.  “Quite nifty, isn’t it?” Indeed, but we all knew she did not show us this rare kitchen utensil just to give us some fruit-processing advice.

While we were standing around her, she asked us. “Ladies, show me your fingernails!” We were all surprised by her request, but we all raised our hands up for her to inspect them. Well, I was a bit ashamed because, honestly, I do not put much effort into manicures and wear no nail extensions. To me, they look oddly long and often fall off. I rather trim and clean my fingernails regularly and I occasionally put transparent nail polish, that’s it. Admittingly some of us really have beautifully groomed fingernails and Laura wore nail extensions with a cute colorful dotty pattern.

Having a nice manicure is not only for looks 

Linda explained to us why she was interested. “You can use your fingers and fingernails the same way as this huller’s prongs to inflict a serious injury on a male body.  Fingernails are some of the best self defense tools a woman carries with her all the time. They can be used for poking, clawing, scratching, and pinching. I can see you all take good care of your fingernails, but not all have the right length; long nails can break, and short nails do not penetrate deep enough. The best is to keep them around 0.4-0.5 cm long. Also, the almond shape is better than the squared. Like mine or Susanne’s,” she raised her hand so we all could see and smiled, “we are well prepared for a dangerous encounter.”

She continued with the lecture. “Basically, you can pinch on any place of the male body which is momentarily available to you and cause some discomfort but there is a couple of vital points that are the most vulnerable on which you can cause serious damage,” she quickly added, “obviously many of those points are located on male genitals.” 

Natural fingernails in the almond shape of the
 right length can be a dangerous weapon

“You can skin his penis and dehull his testicles and seriously mess up the internal plumbing beyond repair with a little effort. This would stop even the toughest man in his track.”  She emphasized the word ‘dehull’ used in a metaphoric way but sounded horrific. “Well, enough theory, let’s see how it is applied to some real genitals.” She turned to Bob and Peter standing by. “Who of you two wants to volunteer for this demonstration?”

It was obvious that both guys already felt quite uncomfortable after her speech even though it was just about fingernails and pinching. They already knew that even a girly style of fighting can turn out to be brutal in Linda’s hands, literally. Their poor faces looked like the chunks of those strawberries stuck in their throats. They were of course very hesitant to step in as test models for this precarious activity.  

“The volunteer will get this nice strawberry from me” Laura tried to get her preferred volunteer by waving with nice juicy fruit in her hand and looking at Peter with a luring look, but he remained hesitant and tried to drift away from us. At some point, Linda became impatient, and grabbed the closest standing chap—Bob, and pulled him into the center of the arena.

Linda used to pat the boys on the butt as a sign of
appreciation and to calm them down

“Man up, you little squirrel, it’s just a demonstration!”  Without losing any further moment, she squatted next to him, pulled down his gym shorts and boxers, and exposed his swinging genitals. Maybe totally bizarre and surreal for most people but we have already accustomed to these situations and because we were in some kind of ‘fruity’ mood, we felt compelled to juice it up.  

“What nice two kiwis, we have got!” exclaimed Ana. “And a little banana as well,” I added, “Let’s chop it into a tasty fruit salad.” Linda rolled her eyes and looked at us strictly. “Easy, easy girls, act like adults, please. Be thankful to Bob,” she patted him caringly on his naked butt as a sign of appreciation and to calm him down.

She then proceeded with her detailed anatomical examination of the sensitive spots and apparently, there were many! 😊  “Let’s start with the penis for a change. This part is obviously accessible when he demands a blow or hand job, attacking the penis with your hands and making it unfunctional essentially prevents him from using his tool for an attack and making an opening for following moves. But it must be done correctly for the maximum effect.” After she said that, she held Bob’s flaccid organ with her left hand, bent it upward, and then with the other hand she pulled back his foreskin so the whole glans popped up.  

Despite Linda’s request to get serious and respectful, I think it was Ana who again commented. “Hmmm, and now we have got a nice red strawberry”, referring to the shape and reddish color of the organ which was now sticking out from Linda’s grasp. Because the approximation was so spot on it put a smile on Linda’s face and she let it be.  

“Instead of this immature banter come closer so you can see. The object is not very big, and I won’t repeat it.” We all chuckled and packed around Bob’s waist for a better look at the ‘far from sizeable’ subject. Linda was really pulling Bob’s foreskin till it was tight, which, based on the grimace on his face, was clearly discomforting for him. “You see this triangle of skin, what is it called?” asked Linda.  Susanne as always was very eager to show off her medical knowledge and immediately replied “It is called the frenulum.”

The nail of the pointer finger can be used to hook behind the frenulum (A)
or sink it deep in the meatus (B). Use the thumb to close the pinch, twist, and pull sharply. 

Linda nodded “Correct, this flap of skin attaches the foreskin to the glans penis. It is a very sensitive and highly innervated area, also very fragile, and susceptible to tearing.  Now see, you can relatively easily hook your fingernails around and pull with a sharp twist to tear it” She did exactly what she was saying but the pull and twist were rather demonstrating and gentle. Important, just be sure you hook your fingernails well behind. Damaging this structure will be very painful and prevent an attacker from continuing the attack. I knew that spot is sensitive, and Tom likes it a lot that I pay attention to it when I do him a blow job, but never thought of it as a target for self defense.

Linda moved on to the next target. “Let’s continue with the meatus, it is the opening of the urethra from which all the stuff goes out. It is actually wider than you think, and you can sink the fingernail of your pointer finger deeply in and then use your thumb as a counter for a sharp tweak. This is well working if you have pointy and long fingernails.” Her demonstration was again mild but still caused some discomfort and cringed face of Bob. On the other hand, Peter seemed to be relieved he was not chosen for this ‘activity’, but probably he suspected not for long. At some point Bob’s penis got stiffer, it was not fully erect just sticking out at a 90° angle and the foreskin stayed retracted so Linda could let go of the hold and use both her hands for demonstration and gesturing.  

“Now I am going to explain the method called ‘clawing the head’, very effective on the erect penis. She then pointed at the groove behind the penis head. This grove in anatomy called the coronal sulcus is conveniently shaped for hooking in the fingernails. She then gently lifted the fold of tissue with the nail of her pointer finger. You should start by forming a claw with your thumb, pointer, and middle finger, then sink the nails deep in the groove and pull. You obviously can’t remove the whole penis head, but you can cause serious laceration and bleeding and of course unbearable sharp pain.” Bob got frightened and started to breathe heavily when Linda formed the claw and softly nudged the fingernails in the seam of sensitive flesh.

The penis can be attacked by pinching e.g. the frenulum (A) or clawing the head (B). 

“Always remember to dig your fingernails deep in and pull violently while the nails are buried in the flesh. He will be a great pain and shock and you can use the startling moment to continue with other techniques, for instance, on readily available target—testicles.”

Linda suddenly surprised us “Who wanna try it out?” We all immediately raised our hands, just Tania stepped back. She always refrained from these exercises involving touching bare guys and Linda accepted that. “Bob will be for sure nice and let you try, don’t you?” Bob received another pat from Linda on his butt. He nodded in agreement, but I don’t think he had any other option 😊. Let’s go one by one and try out these three techniques I just explained to you but be careful, we don’t want to take away this little strawberry from Bob’s girlfriend. She gently rubbed the part she was referring to with her fingertips.

Some of us were really excited to try. Laura was impatiently flopping her long nail extension in anticipation and made a pledge “I’ll be very careful, I promise!” Promises, promises, but Bob shook and jolted uncontrollably from time to time as the girl’s sharp horny protrusions clawed in the specified places and enacted the move. Poor Bob, but well, no way around it. Sure we could use rubber dildos, but for these techniques, it wouldn’t be realistic enough. We needed to feel and inspect the real anatomical features, so Linda as always took the direct approach. It was indeed very educational how the fingernail shape and length are important; my short fingernails could not pierce deep or form good pincers. At that moment I decided to grow them longer. Practicality or aesthetics aside, safety first! 😊  

It was funny how some of us got deeply absorbed in the exercise. Probably because we have never thought about such extraordinary use of our fingernails. Although some of us clearly wanted to continue the drill, at some point keeping the time schedule prevailed and Linda closed this session, “OK enough, thank you, Bob, I think you had enough,” and pulled back his shorts over his now fully erect penis so it formed a funny mound. Then she used the hand, which just a moment before was demonstrating the mangling of his manhood, to caress him on his (upper) head. “That was for the penis, I think for the death pinch demonstration we need a relaxed scrotum,” and turned to Peter…

 To be continued…

The art of kneeing (part 5)

“Come over here!” Linda ordered Bob to stand beside the small punching bag. She then used her straightened hand to get the position of his testicles and by pulling the rope she leveled the small punching bag at the right height.

“Finally! The height is correct… but the size and softness are of course not!” she smiled and gently grabbed Bob’s bulge between his legs. His body frantically flinched—not from the discomfort or pain but rather from fear. Understandably, having testicles in Linda’s hand can be frightening, but this time she was just friendly teasing him. She briefly patted him on his head to thank him for his assistance and told him to step aside so she can explain to us the following activity.

“As I told you already, for perfect kneeing both precision and force work must work together to achieve the desired goal. Precision is needed to get the right spot and the maximum force ensures that a testicle or both are forcefully compressed between the striking area on your upper knee and the attacker’s pubic bone causing sufficient damage, preferably testicular rupture.”  I could see Bob and Peter winced after Linda’s comment.

Punching or speed bags are essential
equipment for mastering kneeing

“This exercise is in a way similar to football juggling, just this time with an emphasis on strength. You probably have heard of the expressions such as ‘Knee his balls up to his throat!’ or ‘Shoot them to the universe!’ These are actually very fitting metaphors highlighting the necessity of mustering great force as well as using the upward direction. Let me demonstrate.”

Linda stood in front of the bag “Imagine for a moment this speed bag is man’s testicles. The aim of this exercise is to knee the bag with all your might, so you shoot it up as high as possible.”

She explained further “You are all righthanded so use your dominant right leg; charge your body by stepping a bit back; the trajectory of your knee should follow a 45-degree angle; engage your hips to get better momentum. Also, correct breathing is crucial. You inhale deeply while you put your right leg back and exhale with a loud kiai! while bringing your thigh up explosively.  Imagine the impact zone is actually not the bottom of the bag but is positioned much higher, somewhere here, on the level of your belly button,” Linda marked the virtual impact point with her finger. “This way you fully utilize the power and momentum of your thigh,” she added.

Our teacher continued the demonstration “Simultaneously, with your hands, you are going to grab an imaginative opponent at the shoulders and pull down to increase your lift…like this.” She then performed the whole movement including horrifically sounding loud kiai!. Her knee contacted the bottom of the speed bag at high speed, released a thug sound, and sent it to a straight upward ride at least a meter in the air. Linda winked at us satisfied “You can also shout ‘crush!’ or ‘pop!’ instead if you want.”  

She then clapped her hands “OK girls, let’s make a competition, you will go in rounds, and the one who can bring it the highest is the winner.” She turned to Peter with a request “Peter, the girls will need your assistance to put the bag back and make it still after each shot so they can keep going swiftly.”

The exercise, although as weird as it sounded was again a lot of fun. And of course, ‘pop!’ was the most popular shout 😊. But OMG, the speed bag was not light at all, it had at least a few kilograms; when trying to strike it with full force, it actually hurt! So in the end, we were caressing our aching knees and thighs. Peter always quickly moved out from the spot of action in case an over-eager girl misfired, unintentionally or maybe intentionally 😉. Linda continuously commented on our tries to correct our failures, which often include insufficient breathing, not using the hips, and not fully utilizing the momentum of the thigh. We all cheered at particularly successful tries.   

Peter's sarcastic grin did not last long

It was difficult to precisely assess the height the bag reached but we agreed that Tania and Ana were the most capable and shot the bag almost as high as Linda. On the other hand, petite Laura struggled with the assignment which clearly caused some frustration, exacerbated by Peter’s ironic grin on his face. She acted up by grabbing him by the shoulders and raising her knee which stopped literally just millimeters from his manhood and mischievously shouted ‘pop!’. “Linda, I think it is the time we move on to some softer ‘poppable’ targets.” She put emphasis on the word poppable.

 We were all laughing, and Linda smiled as well  “Don’t be impatient Laura, you will get the chance to test your gained skills soon.”  I think we all knew that at some point we will train kneeing with ‘real testicles’ and were curious how it will all come about.  Nevertheless, this conversation effectively removed that sarcastic grin from Peter’s face. When Laura turned around, she purposely swung her hand back, so it made inconspicuous contact with his sensitive bits. He flinched and cried out weak auuu!. Laura turned back “What!? we haven’t started yet.”

High knee is an excellent work out exercise for
mastering kneeing 

Linda saved the day “OK girls, that is it for today, come I have some homework for you,” she waved to summon us for a talk. I see there is definitely some deficit in your physique. When I was your age, I did aerobics. It is an excellent workout system and has some excellent moves to practice self defense strikes. You do not need any equipment and you can do it basically everywhere. For the coming days, I want you to practice the so-called high knee. It is a great cardio exercise and strengthens all muscles in the legs so it should help you to improve your kneeing capability. It is like running in place, lifting your knees high, up to your chest quickly. Do it for a few minutes in the morning and in the evening.” She then stood up in front of us and showed us the exercise. “Start doing it first at a low pace; you can then gradually add more time and speed.”  Seemed easy, and I agreed with Linda we should exercise more, I was just wondering how I should explain to Tom what I am practicing this time…

to be continued...

The ethics and etiquette of using male training assistants in female self defense classes

“You attended that weird self defense course, didn’t you?” asked Teresa, one of my former university classmates when we went for a chat at a local café.

The question surprised me because she always avoided this topic. I replied “Yes, but it was not weird at all, maybe let’s say 'special', but quite useful actually. Pity you missed it, you could do something for your safety.” I added as I sipped from my espresso.

She was curious “I heard that lady…what is her name… Linda… used some young lads from the physical education department to demonstrate some nasty techniques, is it true you touched their naked genitals?” 

“Touching balls in a female self defense course? No, c'mon that’s stupid…. We just squeezed, kicked, or kneed their dangling bare balls!” I was expecting she would get my sarcastic joke, and we would chuckle together, but she looked at me with a horrified face. “Crazy!... Poor guys, they should have worn a cup….”

I wanted to comfort her, so I argued “Don’t worry those male organs are actually quite resilient.” Maybe she did not like the image of savage girls testing their self defense skills on sensitive young men’s reproductive organs, so she rather changed the topic to life after covid and family issues. I do not blame her, and if you read the numerous comments on this blog, she is not the only one having some concerns for Bob and Peter.

Using our male student peers for training self defense with all it takes including the major techniques of last resort including testicles as a prime target. Yes, Bob and Peter were our 'darling attackers', we used them to learn male anatomy and how to exploit their major vulnerability, but their involvement was not completely without rules. They were not our lab rats or some kind of inanimate test objects as some suggested. We followed some ethical codex, and we also quickly learned the appropriate etiquette; when we veered Linda quickly put us back on the right track. Gaining empowering experience from learning self defense in a realistic, no-punches-pulled way is not a sign of hatred towards men but a necessity. Because, unfortunately the controversy continues, I decided to mention a couple of rules which a female participant should follow to make such a course a resourceful truly enjoyable experience yet with hearted consideration for male participants.

Showing emotions is good but do not
go overboard and be empathetic

Be empathic and respectful 

You come to a self defense course to learn life-saving techniques; he comes there to help you in your quest. It can be difficult to you to interact with him physically and to unleash your inner strength but imagine what it takes for him to put his vulnerable organs (and not only testicles) at stake. He is there to play an attacker, a model to learn anatomy, it might be embarrassing for him to expose himself so a bunch of girls can inspect and learn the body pressure points and the peculiarity of male body to be used to their advantage. 

Reality-based sparring could lead to a few bruises for you, but excruciating pain for him. It is easy to go overboard, but it is important to be respectful. Speaking you don’t have to completely hide your emotions and the newly gained empowerment but laughing at the guy rolling on the floor, instead of helping him to mitigate the testicular pain is not a part of good etiquette. Some, who read my previous posts would argue Linda did not follow this rule and accused her of being demeaning to Bob and Peter. I agree she was a strict teacher having things under control her focus was on our education in life-saving skills and less on the guys’ wellbeing but believe me she did not cross the line. And trust me she liked both guys. 

Know his limits and be prepared with appropriate equipment

As I mentioned before the traditional teaching using heavily padded model attackers is simply obsolete, you need to feel the target, and he needs to react in a natural way. Believe me, you won’t be ever attacked by a Michelin man 😊

Shin protection is not a proper
equipment when practicing scoop kicks.

On the other hand, a single knee strike can rupture a testicle, a full GTP can easily tear the cords and damage the epididymis, so one has to find a balance between learning self defense properly but at the same time not creating unjustifiable risks for his reproductive organs. So, know the limits of his body; a good instructor tells you what you can and what is too much. In some cases (especially when kneeing full force is involved), you will need to use protective equipment, but as I said above use it wisely and only when absolutely necessary.  

Linda was lucky she got generous funding to organize her course, so she did not spare expenses to buy quality protective gear for the guys. Those from metal and nicely cushioned with rubber are the best, a cheap plastic cup can be shattered into pieces that can pierce into the genitals and do more harm than good. The right size of the cup is also important so that the testicles and penis snugly fit in and don’t leave the selection to the guys themselves; they tend to overestimate the size of their genitals, and an unfitting cup can dislocate and lead to an injury. 

You will also need ice packs, a lot of those. Very good props are also small soft pillows that can support the anguished scrotum when the guys lied on the mats to rest. This equipment mitigates the effects and facilitates recovery hence also minimizing the time being out of action as the course had to keep the time schedule.

Reward his sacrifice

It should not be one-way taking and not giving, it would not be fair to exploit him without any reward. For making such sacrifices he needs something in return. Show him you acknowledge his investment and made him feel appreciated. There does not need to be any financial remuneration; gentle caressing, soothing words, or signs of affection helped. How much to engage intimately is up to any woman I am not going to make any moral judgment here. All of this makes him happily return for the next class.

Next 365 days of female self defense

This holiday season was like the others. After some busy months in work, I finally took a break to relax and enjoy the time spent with Tom. Those two weeks involved the casual watching TV, cooking and eating some traditional goodies, visiting relatives, and going for some romantic walks. After being bored of all the staple Christmas fairy tales and family movies on national channels I suggested we watch what Netflix offers. “Now it is my turn to choose”  I insisted when I spotted the movie 365 days in the selection. I was curious because it seems to be such a paradox; I heard from my colleagues how awful and cringey the movie is, but strangely, somehow it is still one of the most successful Netflix movies worldwide.

I thought there must be something to it so why not watching it. Tom obviously was not that happy, he wanted some action or comedy, but I convinced him there are some hot sex scenes in it. If you have not seen it yet it is a Polish erotic drama. The plot is simple: a young Polish businesswoman Laura is kidnapped by a young Sicilian mafia boss Massimo who gave her 365 days (not a short time) to fell in love with him or he let her go. Of course, he is an extremely handsome, rich, and powerful alpha male (otherwise the whole premise would not fly right?) who always gets what he wants even the heart of any girl he desires. The plot was simple and predictable but anyway, spoiler alert!: after some of her initial resistance, a passionate attraction gradually develops, she drops her nice but boring boyfriend, and finally they are getting married. One can easily understand why this movie created such a fuzz.

I admit that although the script and dialogues sucked, there was some chemistry between the two characters and sex scenes were daring. But I was quite disappointed, throughout the entire film I wished for a more unexpected change in narrative or a twist in the plot. Why Laura could not show her bravery, and quick-thinking in combination with self defense skills to get rid of her overconfident and arrogant captor. It would be so satisfying seeing her turning the tables and by using his fragile masculinity against him to put him to his knees. There were so many instances in the movie this could easily happen.

For instance, there was this tense scene in the shower when both are naked. Massimo shows his typical controlling and dominant side (and his male parts), Laura provocatively teases him with her looks. At some point, seeing her being interested in his penis (or testicles who knows😊), he orders her to touch it. Her hand slowly moves along his torso towards his crotch. I immediately thought to myself that if she attended Linda’s course, she would know how to use that instance his confidence betrays him and his greatest weakness is exposed, to unexpectedly ‘touch’ it in a way he would never forget and so teaching him the important life lesson not to kidnap a woman.  

A naked man behaving like this put his testicles at great risk  

In the following sequence she decides not to continue with the play, turns around and leaves, he grabs her by the neck and pulls her towards him to kiss her. At that moment I just wanted to scream out of my lungs “Knee his f.cking balls!” Luckily, I did not, I did not want to upset Tom, last time he already angrily commented in a similar situation that the Linda’s self defense course had some very bad influence on me. Anyhow, the creators missed the opportunity to show an example to follow providing an empowering experience for women with a moral ending that even if a man is an attractive wealthy mafia boss, he still has sensitive testicles and must carefully safeguard their male vulnerability, otherwise kidnapping a woman can go wrong. That was my take on this 'cinematographic gem', if you know any other movies which could have had a similar twist, please feel free to share it in the comments.

I hope this following 365 days 😊 I will be able to contribute to this blog as much I want (hope this year won’t be that busy at work), there are still many techniques I want to communicate and to continue giving some more glimpses on the Linda’s course. Wendy 

Mail from Claire – inspirational story #6

Since I started this blog, I received quite some emails, most are very supportive, some critical (as often are the comments). Today I would like to share (with her permission) an email I received from a girl named Claire about her very interesting experience. I consider her account as a very valuable addition to the ongoing debate about ball myths and the philosophy of teaching self defense to young women particularly the differences in attitudes between male and female instructors.

Dear Wendy,

My name is Claire, and I just discovered your amazing blog. I study journalism and social science and I am about to graduate next year. I find the discussions on your blog quite fascinating uncovering some overlooked gender issues. I even considering doing my master thesis on the subject. I understand that from a male perspective, it is a very unpleasant and touchy subject, that’s why the responses are not always positive. Let me share a story from a couple of weeks ago which was for me quite eye-opening and completely changed my opinion how self-defense should be taught.  

At the beginning of this semester my good friend convinced me to attend a female self-defense course organized by our university. I heard some horrible stories about sex offences which happened recently, so I decided to give it a try.

The whole course consisted of two parts, one was theoretical about crime and rape prevention and the second one, which lasted for three weeks was about physical deterrence. We were divided into two groups of approximately 10; one group was led by a male and one by a female instructor. I was in the first group with Gerry, approximately 35 years old assistant professor from the sports department. He claimed he does several martial arts including karate and aikido, holding I don’t know which dan…even went to London Olympics…. He often wore a black kimono probably to highlight his seniority. Not exactly my type, but he was fit and good-looking, and I suspect that some of my classmates had a crush on him 😊

All the time he acted like he is the best expert in self-defense in the whole world. I did not like how cocky and opinionated he was.

Regarding the content of the course, I must say, his classes were dead boring and to me appeared totally useless, I often regretted I had to skip my favorite callanetics classes. The training looked basically all the time the same; he showed us a particular technique, usually to get out from a hold or grab and then we were supposed to repeat it and practice, either with him or in pairs. There was hardly anything on last-resort techniques. It was far from the fascinating and novel course you had with Linda.

For instance, he never mentioned testicles as a possible target…or actually, he mentioned that we should never attempt to kick or knee the groin, because it is dangerous, an attacker expects it and that we can lose balance…basically all the myths you debunk in your posts. Girls should, according to him, aim their kicks only at shins or knees cos a regular woman is not able to aim and kick higher. I am not an expert in self-defense by any means, never done any martial arts but come on, the things he thought were so unrealistic, consisted mainly of throws, pushes and elbow hits.

One evening Helen, the instructor of the second group got sick and we had to have the class together. This time we learned how to get away when an attacker stands close by and grab our hands. The idea was to twist the wrist to release our hand from the grasp, hit his nose with the palm and at the same time put one leg behind the attacker and try to trip him and push him down. Practicing this technique obviously caused us a lot of frustration. I don’t know how he got an idea that tripping a well-built man is a good self-defense move for an average college girl. Gerry became quite arrogant, criticizing us, having some stupid demeaning comments, and just adding to our frustration.

A man is as strong as his weakest point

There was a moment one girl, her name was Nadia was supposed to perform this move with Gerry playing an attacker. Nadia joined us from the other group and was a bit older than most of us, I think she was already a graduate student. So he grasped her hand to simulate an attack. But unexpectedly, Nadia instead of that awkward maneuver she was supposed to do, completely out of the blue, she stepped forward, quickly and sharply raised her knee and hit him right there …. you know the testicles! Because no groin techniques were ever trained, I suspect he never wore a cup. The bulge of his sweatpants got deformed, screamed horribly and immediately dropped to the ground. We all looked at him in awe. He was rolling on the floor cursing in apparently great pain.

Nadia was terrified, she squatted next to him and started to apologize profusely. But he just angrily rebuffed her focusing on his anguished male organs. Maybe to save the awkward situation one girl broke the silence and humorously commented “Well, that worked!” We started to chuckle, and another girl added “Seems, Nadia should be our new instructor!” another girl added “Heard something got cracked! Icepack?”

Nadia should be the one
wearing a black kimono 

I was a bit appalled by those sarcastic comments. You know we were just students, and he was a young professor, who just got in an embarrassing situation and is possibly injured. Of course, he did not share any humor with us, he just looked at us with an angry red face and called off the session and asked us to leave.

In the locker room, we gathered around Nadia to get an explanation.

Nadia told us that the last session with Helen they learned to get away from a similar situation, and a knee strike was involved and somehow the whole thing came automatically. She said I got really scared I ruptured his testicles I could feel the soft tissue being crushed with my knee. I am so sorry; I had no idea how effective it can be.

We were quite supportive, absolutely not blaming her. One girl said “Don’t feel sorry, you only broke his ego. He should have worn the cup, come on, this is a self-defense class one should expect their balls to be kicked!”

Nevertheless, Gerry did not come for the next class. We finished the remaining two classes with Helen. What a change it was! She was much much better teacher, and Wendy, imagine she used the word testicles instead of groin! We had some concerns about Gerry, but she assured us he is fine, he sustained a mild bruising in one testicle and in her words “The functionality of the organs got retained.” She said he took a break, teaching self-defense to young women can be quite grueling sometimes. 😊

She told us that what Nadia did, is a simple and effective defense move, and any instructor should not be ashamed to teach it and have the trainees to practice it. She also blamed Gerry for not wearing a cup, such carelessness was just calling for disaster. If Nadia kneed with a bit more force it indeed could lead to a rupture or torsion, possible permanent injuries. But if facing a rapist this should be our goal. She even gave us some tips how this can be easily accomplished.

We also discussed the grab-twist-pull method in detail. One girl even suggested having Gerry as a ‘training dummy’ so we can learn this important method in real! Helen was laughing with us, but she rejected the proposal “A good idea, but I don’t want to lose my tenure.” You were lucky you got Bob and Peter for Linda’s course. I think Helen should also look into such possibility. I see a lot of my male cheeky classmates for whom the serving in such a course as your ‘darling attackers’ would be only for their good 😊

The course was not long but I was amazed on the differences in attitude and approach between those two instructors, and I regret we hadn’t done the whole physical part with her. We had just two classes with her, but we left the course more confident and empowered and prepared for this dangerous word.

I don’t want to generalize but it indeed seems that female self-defense instructors perform better, and I can only recommend to specifically look for such courses.  

My best wishes and I hope to read more about this topic on your blog,

Claire

Thank you Claire for this very interesting and empowering story, I wish you very best luck in writing your thesis, do not hesitate in consulting me with anything. And be safe. Wendy 

Distraction and deception! 😲 (part 1)

Bird guarding its two eggs

Once I saw a very interesting nature documentary. It was about animals working in teams. They showed unique footage of two ravens stealing eggs from a grouse nest. While one raven distracted the protective female grouse the second one stole the eggs. It reminded me how Linda strongly highlighted the importance of the surprise element for female self defense, especially when applying techniques targeting testicles.

Understandably, men are naturally protective of their eggs as was the poor grouse. They learn from a young age that what is hanging between their legs is not only essential for their sexuality and propagation of their genes but is also very fragile and sensitive. In a physical hand-to-hand confrontation, you can see them instinctively assuming a groin protective stance crossing their legs, they cover their crotch with their hands, or/and moving their pelvis back. 

Typical male protective posture 

Many instructors and self-proclaimed experts insist that this conscious protectiveness and the expectation you would go for his sensitive bits make testicles an ineffective target and any failed attempts just make him angrier. Admittedly, this is indeed a limitation, however, it can be to a great extent overcome by using some dirty tricks to get to those guarded jewels. With this post, I would like to discuss one of the ‘Ds’ in Linda’s 4D principle of female self defense – deception, which also includes distraction and all types of trickery.

Linda often used her unconventional approach to make a point and when it came to this important aspect it was no different. That evening Linda was a few minutes late for a class, so we spent time chatting with Bob and Peter. They enjoyed the ladies’ attention and used it to brag about their recent successes in sports competitions. When she finally came in, she greeted us briefly and headed toward the guys. While she passed by Bob, she asked him “Is it your bag over there?” and pointed towards the bench. When he turned his head in that direction, she unexpectedly slapped his testicles with the other hand! It was a gentle slap but because he was wearing just thin gym shorts, we could hear a funny splat sound. Bob yelled out a loud auuu…  

Even a simple 'Wow, look up!'
distraction can be effective

Peter, who was standing next by giggled at this monkey trick and his pal’s stupidity. Linda now turned to him “Instead of acting goat, fetch my equipment basket from the cabinet” and tossed her bunch of keys toward him. The moment he showed his good reflexes and caught the keys in the air, she swiftly kicked him with a snap kick between his legs. She was again able to gauge the kick, so her instep just grazed the bottom of his scrotum, not causing serious pain but rather some discomfort. Now both guys were bending over with some reproachful looks, anxiously covering their manhood with their hands with determination they are not going to receive any more hits.

Linda smiled, stepped behind them, and affectionately patted their heads “Sorry guys I just wanted to show the girls…” before she finished the sentence, she suddenly dropped her hands down and slapped both already disturbed young men’s ball sacks from behind with something called a rear T-tap targeting the testicles’ back side which remained completely unprotected. Although again a rather gentle hit they both sprang forward like a bow. I could see Peter wanted to yell bitch at her but maybe in fear of the possible consequences, he just very quietly mumbled it to himself while trying to desperately drift out of her reach. Although mild, these blows clearly caused the guys some discomfort. Linda kept smiling and finished the sentence “...how to use distraction and deception!”

It was quite mischievous what Linda did to those unsuspecting boys, but their confused faces and the silliness of the situation were so funny we could not stop laughing. Luckily for them, she stopped these acts and let the guys have some rest and time to recover, and ordered us to sit down around her on the mats, so she can give us the introductory lecture. Once we all assumed comfortable positions, she explained to us.

Getting fooled can come
 as an unpleasant surprise 

“For female self defense, psychological tools can be more powerful than physical capabilities. As you saw, I effectively used the element of surprise. I easily managed to put Bob and Peter off guard by fooling them; poor boys did not expect what I am about to do and failed completely to counteract. If they even slightly suspected my intentions, they would be prepared and react differently and could block me in my action. They already knew my hands and legs can be dangerous for their testicles.

To remove the male’s natural consciousness around their testicles, the best is to create the moment their mind is occupied either by distraction or deception. You possibly heard that men are worse at multitasking than we are. They are also not very good at changing their momentary mindsets from for instance sexual expectations and excitement to fight readiness. So you have to diverge his focus, give him one task protecting one of his vulnerabilities just to immediately explore his other one. The best is to aim for the target far away from the testicles first, those located on the face, and particularly the eyes are the best. There should be no telegraphing, the move must come out of the blue.

Besides distraction, you can also use deception. There are many possible scenarios for how to do it, it depends on the given situation. For instance, you can make him believe you cannot or are not going to fight just to create a window of opportunity for an unexpected well-placed debilitating blow. Or you can fake your interest or submit momentarily just to excite him, change his focus, and make him undress. The moment you get good access to his exposed genitals, do a number on his testicles. OK, that’s just a short introduction to what you should know about the concept. You are now going to learn it in practice with Bob and Peter. I prepared a little game for you…” (to be continued)