Some like it hot! 🌶️

This post is neither about the famous American movie, nor about the current supper hot weather, but about an unknown way to use a common women’s self defense tool. I think it will be quite informative but at the same time a little bit funny.

Last week I and my boyfriend Tom had a little accident. We decided to make together a romantic evening to celebrate our 4th anniversary. You know to have a fancy dinner with some following lovemaking…We are still not keen to go out for a dinner with the current third wave, so we stayed at home. I prepared his favored chicken tacos. The dinner was great, he loved the food, but I totally ruined what was supposed to come afterwards. After some kissing and cuddling I went downstairs on him, you know what I mean. But shockingly instead of moaning from pleasure he suddenly yelled “It burns! It f.cking burns!” and jumped like a banshee. First I had no idea what happened.

“I think it’s that thing!” he pointed towards the green pieces of jalapeños in the leftovers. Then I got it, when I was chopping the jalapeños, some juices must have left on my fingers and then I transferred it on his dick head. Instead of a romantic ending that evening we were trying all sorts of remedies we found on internet, even using the ice cream we had for desert to rub it off. Grose! We could not continue with our ‘stuff’ that night. He is OK now, just that thingy stayed a little bit reddish and swollen for some time. 

capsaicin, a devilish compound

The compound which caused the burning sensation on Tom’s glans penis and foreskin is capsaicin. I do not have to tell you it is the active component of pepper sprays. Chemically it is 8-methyl-N-vanillyl-6-nonenamide produced by plants of genus Capsicum. It activates TRV1 receptor of skin cells which can be also stimulated by heat, that is why it gives the typical burning sensation. The glans penis and the foreskin is covered with a highly innervated mucosal layer which readily absorbs capsaicin. It is not well miscible with water, so it is difficult to wash it out. Milk or oily substances should be used instead, but I can tell, there was not much difference after the ice cream 😊   

 When used correctly, a pepper spray
 can be a woman's best friend 

Although Linda was not an enthusiastic proponent of self defense tools—she used to say “Your body parts are always readily available, the tools are usually forgotten in your purse or bag.”—we had couple of lessons she taught us the proper use of them. With the summer season I noticed there are now many alarming reports in newspapers about plummeting cases of flashers, exhibitionists, and public onanists. Linda emphasized that when we encounter an attacker with exposed genitals, we should remember there are two great targets available for our pepper spray. After getting his eyes and mouth do not forget to spray him down there as well. If you do not believe what is the effect of a pepper spray on an exposed penis watch this prank video:

  https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1970613749835377

You can expect the same dramatic effect on your attacker. While he is focused on his ‘helmet on fire’, he forgets his other sensitive organs become fully unprotected and available for follow up techniques.  A nice well placed testicle kick or a knee would for sure double remind him he should have kept his filthy genitals in his pants.

Peter peppers

As always, our self defense class would not be complete without a practical demonstration. This time Linda brought a pair of red chili peppers she grows in her garden. “These are quite rare, called Peter peppers as they come in a shape of penis,” she said as she showed them to us. We all gawked at the little ‘penises’ in amazement. Linda immediately warned us “Well, do not even think to use them for what you are maybe thinking about. The vagina is of course highly sensitive to capsaicin as well.”

 “This one really looks like the penis of our Peter,” humorously commented Ana, referring to the shape of a partially exposed penis head. We all chuckled as she was spot on, Peter’s foreskin, although he is not circumcised does not fully cover his glans penis.

Penis with partially exposed
head similar to Peter's, highly
susceptible to 'peppering'

Linda nodded, “Good observation Ana. Circumcised penises and those of Peter are of course very susceptible to ‘peppering’, even when they are in a relaxed state.”

Linda immediately proposed “Let’s put this to the test!” Boys were working out on the other side of the training room, while we had this interesting theoretical lecture. Sometimes it was better they did not hear what we were talking about.

Linda squashed one of the peppers in her hand.

“Peter come over here! We just want to test something.”

When he unsuspectedly came close to her. She just quickly slipped her hand in his shorts and took it out. The reaction of Peter does not need to be described, based what you already read in this post you can imagine.... The theory was readily confirmed…

I conclusion I highly recommend buying a pepper spray and do not forget to use it on both of his heads. When cutting chilies use gloves and wash your hands thoroughly afterwards especially when you want to make some lovemaking 😊.

The art of kneeing (part 2)

Kneeing as an art

I was quite busy lately with getting things back to normal after all that mess with the coronavirus. Luckily, I had a couple of days off so I could resume writing for my blog. With this post I continue with the second part of the series about kneeing.

…After this vivid demonstration of a proper knee strike using our kicking dummy and the two pears, Linda sat down again in front of us and continued with her explanation. “During the juggling exercise, you probably soon realized what is the most important to keep the ball going. Besides being really agile, one has to be precise in striking using the correct part of the thigh and touching gently the bottom of the ball. Also, the movement of the leg must be straight up to the right height otherwise the ball would bounce away.”   

“And practice makes perfect!” added Ana.

“Absolutely!” Linda nodded in agreement, “like with everything else.”

“Although kneeing is different in many aspects, juggling with a soccer ball is a very good basic exercise for the control of your leg movement. Later, you will also practice precision and force in separate exercises. So now, tell me what is the actual target when using a knee strike?” asked Linda.

“Testicles!” we all yelled unisono.

The expression on her face showed she was satisfied that nobody used that awkward term ‘groin’. However, she added. “Well, not quite. The actual target is his pubic bone. As with other types of strikes you should visualize hitting a target positioned further behind or in this case above a vital point.”

“When kneeing imagine that his testicles are just in the way of your accelerated knee smashing against his pubic bone. Precision of the execution is important, and this requires understanding the position of the testicles depending on his clothing and possible arousal.”

Pubic bone is located just above the testicles 
and provides a very effective hard backing.

To explain what she was talking about she showed us an anatomical model of the male pubic region. “Notice the arc of the pelvis is just above the testicles, which provides a convenient hard backing for the knee strike. Now feel your knee with your fingers. The wide end of the femur bone and the top of the patella are not covered by much of the connective tissue, it is a perfect hard striking area.”

Linda then got on her feet and went again to the kicking dummy for another practical demonstration. “The vertical plane of your striking leg should be a little bit tilted to one side to make sure you trap one or both testicles. Otherwise, they might slip away to the sides. Precise aiming is also extremely important, and women usually do the mistake either by penetrating too deep between his legs or by hitting the front of the groin. If you knee too deep, you hit the perineum instead and the testicles would just bounce up on the soft muscle-covered area of your thigh. Just like a ball during juggling. It might hurt but it won’t cause a devastating pain. If you strike the front of the groin area you are actually getting only his pubes or his penis which would provide a cushion and the testicles would just be pushed back. Again, it might be painful, but it would be a missed opportunity to fully incapacitate him.”

“For these reasons, for a proper execution of a knee it is important there is a right distance between you and your attacker. If he is standing too close to you, quickly jab or slap his testicles with your fingers first. He will jolt back creating a more convenient space. If he is too far away, step a bit closer or you can grab him and pull his torso towards you. Another variation is to grab his shoulders to hang on to fix him and at the same time to keep your balance,” Linda then did exactly this on the kicking dummy.

“Generating maximum force is also important. Visualize you want to break free through a wall of bricks. Use your hips to gain a good momentum and go up with your knee close to a 45° angle. If you, do it correctly you should propel him at least a few centimeters in the air. After a strike, pull your leg back quickly to the starting position ready for the next knee. When possible, knee him several times. Do it at least twice,” she ended her demonstration by two quick knee strikes in the designated part of the kicking dummy making it to shake erratically.     

“Maybe it is too much information for the beginning, but you will have a lot of opportunities to train and practice this important technique,” said Linda and looked at her watch, “I think Bob and Peter are about to come anytime soon. I need to fetch something and be right back. You can continue with juggling if you want…”

Some of us including me grabbed the balls and tried the juggling again, some of us rather engaged in a chat about latest fashion trends. After a while somebody knocked on the door. It was Bob and Peter. They came in a good mood, it seemed like they won a competition or something. I felt glad for them, but at the same time I had some bad feeling how this session can end up for them…. They evidently got excited by all the free balls lying around.

“Guys, show us how you juggle!” Emma asked them.

No further persuasion was needed, and they immediately grabbed the opportunity to show off in front of the girls. Now we could see how it is done by almost a pro. They could nicely alternate between their thighs, feet, chests, and heads. Also I must admit Peter was better in this than Bob, maybe because he has some soccer classes in his curriculum. Unfortunately, their show soon came to a sudden end. “Watch your balls boys!” Linda made this sarcastic pun when she suddenly appeared behind them. Boys disappointedly stopped the play.  As she was passing by, she turned to them. “You have not taken a shower, have you? You two dirty piglets!”

“Do it right now and wear this! Only this!” She tossed a pile of shorts she was carrying in a small basket towards them. Boys then reluctantly disappeared in the locker rooms with the clothing she gave them. I know Linda strictly insisted they must maintain their hygiene on max if they want to join her classes.  To be continued…

P.S. I again allowed anonymous comments. I know self defense can be a touchy subject and I want to allow participate everybody in a discussion (also those who disagree with me) but please do not misuse it.

To snap an aubergine 🍆

After the coronavirus restrictions got lifted a few weeks ago, I could finally visit my hairdresser. Despite having a time booking, she was so busy with all that ungroomed hair of her customers that I had to wait a half an hour. I noticed a bunch of women’s magazines on the table. I normally do not read those, but I was quite bored, so I skimmed through some of them. One journal had an ‘intimacy’ section with an article titled ‘The five most common injuries during sex and how to prevent them’. Not surprising, one of them was penile fracture. Although the penis does not have a bone, it can get ‘broken’ causing a painful and difficult to heal injury. This can happen when a fully erect penis bends sharply as the result of, for instance, hitting a hard object like the woman’s pelvic floor or falling down during some wild intercourse acrobatics. This article recalled me one of the most memorable self defense classes we had with Linda. As you probably already guessed, causing penile fracture is one of the Linda’s suggested ways how to deal with an attacker with a hard-on. So, I was quite impatient to write a post about this relatively unknown but highly effective last resort self defense technique. This is how I recall that class.

“Girls do you like eggplants asked Linda right away as she entered the room and placed her full backpack on the floor. Well to be honest eggplants are not on the top of the list of my favorite foods. My mother used to roast them and served them as a side dish. But Emma immediately replied, “I often cook ratatouille for my boyfriend when I want to make him some vegan dish for a change. At first, he always complaints a lot but then he eats the whole casserole!”

Eggplants come with different
varieties which can be used  to simulate
either the penis and the testicles

 “Good for you and your boyfriend Emma, eggplants are healthy,” Linda nodded and took out a bag full of something which looked like vegies, but I could not immediately recognize them. I only knew the common eggplants you can buy in a local grocery store which look like a big purple bulb or a giant egg-like structure. Like the typical one we use as an emoji for penis 🍆.  

“These are some uncommon varieties I cultivate specially for my defense classes,” Linda said proudly as she showed us her harvest. “This thin elongated is ‘Long purple’ and this one resembling a small white egg is ‘Clara F1’. Clara F1 fruits I use as a substitute for large testicles and these long ones are great to simulate an erect penis. The last lessons we already discussed attacks on testicles, but as I mentioned earlier, do not forget the penis. When under an advanced sex attack, it is likely you will encounter an attacker with an erection. In this case, his testicles are usually lifted close to his body, making the scrotum less grabbable. Many self defense experts neglect this vital target, which is poor. I believe an erect penis is an easily reachable, fragile and destroyable organ, but as always, a correct technique must be applied. Let us have a chat before I show it to you.

 We sat down around her in an anticipation of another interesting lesson. Linda opened her tablet and showed us a presentation starting with an anatomy picture of the penis. “The penis is made of three cylindrical spongy bodies; the upper two are called corpora cavernosum and the lower one corpus spongiosum also forming the glans of penis. The two pieces of corpora cavernosa are covered by an elastic layer of connective tissue  which has the same name as the one covering the testes—tunica albuginea, ”Linda explained us while pointing on the medical diagram.

Principle of erection is
similar to a water hose connected
to an open tap

 “During a male’s arousal, these sponges are filled with blood and expand but tunica albuginea keeps the pressure inside, so the penis stiffens, enlarges and rises.  It is the same effect as a garden water hose you connected to a water tap. When the tap is open the pressure of water straightens the coiled hose. Penile fracture occurs when this connective tissue ruptures due to an extension passing the breaking point. This causes the leakage of blood and the so-called detumescence, a sudden drop of internal pressure and immediate loss of erection. Intriguingly, it is often associated with a popping sound. The desired effect is he will not be able to continue with his rape attempt.”

After this anatomy lecture Linda continued with the practical part. “There are several ways to cause penile fracture. The first one is to get a firm hold of the penis in your hand like this and forcefully snap it in a downward direction. It must be done with full force, if you are standing you can use your whole weight to gain the desired momentum. Imagine going all the way towards his ass.”

She then demonstrated us the proper execution of this technique.  She asked Ana to be her assistant. Ana held an elongated eggplant in a position of an erect penis. Linda clutched the eggplant with her right hand (A) and forcefully pushed it down (B). The eggplant broke into two pieces with a popping sound.     

“Another possibility is to hold the penis at the base tightly with one hand and then to sharply hit the second half in the direction which is the most available or in which you can exert the most force.  It can be in a sidewise, upward, or downward direction.” She took the second eggplant, grabbed it on one end with her left hand (C) and sharply hit the top part with the palm of her right hand (D). The half of the eggplant got immediately broken off.

Linda did not stop here and continued, “You can use your legs as well. If you are on the ground and he tries to get on top of you, bend your leg as much as possible and kick out that the arc of your feet hooks on the penis.”  She now asked Ana to hold the eggplant in the position of an approaching attacker leaning over Linda on the ground. She charged her leg and forcefully sprang it towards the poor eggplant in Ana’s hand. The half of it flew a few meters away.

This odd activity got noticed by Bob and Peter, who until then were sitting on the bench on the other side of the room playing with their smartphones. Linda called them out.

She placed the broken pieces of eggplants back in her backpack and to our amusement, she took out two dildos with a strap. “Eggplants are a good substitute, but for some real training we need something more realistic, durable and reusable and also we cannot have Peter and Bob to sustain any injury in their ‘joy-making’ organ; their girlfriends would be really angry with us,” Linda explained to her awed audience. Linda brought two sizes; as always she thinks about all the details and the possible variables when providing a male organ analogues. While she was holding the sex toys in front of us, she noticed a pressing question in our faces. “Aaa, I know what you are thinking,” she laughed, “don’t worry I use these only for the course.”

High quality realistic strap on
is handy for proper training of
the penile fracture technique 

 “Look these products are of a high quality, it has the texture and firmness as the real thing, and it even has these two silicone balls attached, so you can train a combination of techniques. I ordered it on Amazon. Luckily, we have a decent budget for this course from our department,” she said half ironically.

Linda asked the boys to undress themselves and to leave just their briefs on. Then she strapped the bigger one on Peter and the smaller one on Bob.

“Should not it be the other way around, you know to keep it true to reality,” commented Emma humorously, referring to already noticed natural differences in their genital size. Laura immediately opposed, “I think  this is the correct way, Peter has a ‘grower’ and Bob a ‘shower’.” Linda’s strict gaze gave a full stop to this pubertal banter and giggling. “Girls, stop it, I think both should be very proud of their real tools,” she said looking at them kindly. It almost sounded she speaks out of her own experience. I haven’t seen her being so affectionate to them before.  She carefully double checked the straps are firmly fastened and that the large silicone projection is in the right place.

“These things are soon going to experience some abuse,” Linda commented her effort. She then stood up and looked at the boys with a great satisfaction. Suddenly, her phone rang, so she left us for a while.

Boys seemed quite empowered and charged with confidence after this upgrade and used the Linda’s short absence to fool around and to chase us. We were screaming in disgust and running away from them as they tried to poke us with their big new enhancements. Only Tania with an ironic grin on her face, she calmly grabbed the Peter’s dildo and snapped it the downward motion, the way Linda just showed us just minutes ago and yelled at him “Penile fracture! You lost!”

Linda appeared back. “I see you have some fun. Let’s see how you can handle some simulated rape attempts.” She gave us instructions what should we do next. We were about to play out different sex attack scenarios during which we girls had to apply the penile fracture technique to put to an end the vicious sex attacks of our two horny model attackers.

I was quite excited, when it was my turn and I got Bob. I was lying on a mat pretending to sleep. He got on top of me attempting to get into the missionary position. When he was pretending that he is busy removing my top, I moved my hand in the right position between me and him and in a blink of a moment I snapped his artificial penis ‘all the way to his ass’. I did it with such a rigor that I accidentally hit his real testicles with my fist. He cried out in pain. However, I did not realize that. At first, I thought that he just puts on a show to add to the realism of the scene. I tossed him to the side, and I reversed our positions. By sitting on his thighs, I fixed his lower body, and I extended my legs and pushed them on his chest to immobilize his upper torso.  I grabbed the towering dildo with one hand and a silicone testicle by another. “Let’s see if you can handle this you filthy little would-be rapist. It hurts, isn’t it?” I asked him after I violently bended the thingy to demonstrate adding to the penile injury and I squeezed the fake testicle. “Ooh no, no, my balls!” screamed poor Bob. Stupid me, it took me quite some time to realize the problem. Gosh! Once again, a testicular first aid had to be provided…

P.S.

I allowed anonymous comments again. But please behave (also you Canadian hotheads!).

Interview with Susanne

It is always nice to have a chat with your friend
even if it is about a self defense course

Last summer, when the coronavirus restrictions got lifted for a while, I met Susanne in a shopping center.  We have not seen each other since her graduation so I invited her for a cup of coffee.  There was so much to chat about. She got married to her long-time boyfriend and they are planning their first child. She also got a job in a private orthopedic clinic. Her dream has always been to open her own practice so at the same time she is working hard to get her first attestation. As I already wrote, Susanne was very attentive to Bob and Peter. She somehow balanced the Linda’s harsh attitude towards them. I told her about my blog and asked her if I could make an interview with her to get an opinion from another female participant. I explained her that some aspects of our self defense course stirred controversy among readers of my blog. Hence, I thought it would be interesting to hear her experience and what is her standpoint on some of these issues. We were planning to meet again but unfortunately the following late autumn lockdown changed our plans for quite some time. This spring’s opening made it possible again. I just managed to translate and type down my handwritten notes, so here is the interview. It is indeed very insightful!

Susanne, why did you take the course?

I come from a small town where we basically know each other. Personal safety has never been an issue for me until I came here to study at the university. Suddenly, I appeared in a whole new environment, often welcoming, sometimes quite hostile and dangerous. The city is large with many quarters rather not to go. The university student life included wild parties, meeting new friends and of course receiving a lot of attention from all sorts of guys.

I love swimming, so I regularly visited the university health club with a large pool. One day, late evening, it was about the closing time I was dressing up in the locker room after shower. I thought I was alone there. Suddenly, out of nowhere a young man accosted me. He must have sneaked in the women’s section unnoticed through a back door. He was strong, much taller than me and mean looking. He was naked with just a towel wrapped around his waist. I was petrified and I had no clue how to react. He pushed me against a wall, started to kiss me and forced his hand between my legs. Suddenly, I could hear some voices; two janitors were coming in. He cursed, let me go and ran out through the emergency exit door. I was in such a shock that I was trembling, and I could hear my heart beating. For several nights I had difficulties to sleep. All the time the bad throughs what could have happened if he was not disturbed were going through my head. I realized I must take some action to be able to handle such situations, so I enrolled the course.

Did you worry about the ‘special’ nature of the course?

I knew that the course is far from ordinary beforehand. We heard some compelling stories from the past attendees! We discussed the safety issues in our class group during a break. I know that some of the girls were reluctant to take such a course and called it a creepy nonsense and a total waste of time. “Touching and kicking some guy’s naked balls?!, no way!” was the response of one of my classmates.  But I was not hesitating even the slightest moment. Wendy, I think you would also agree that at the end it went so well, and we even had some fun and we really learned something.  

What did you like the most?

It was clear from the beginning that Linda put a lot of thoughts to the structure and the content of the course which was so diverse and interesting. During the course I realized that female self defense does not have to be taught as a death serious dark subject but could be fun and a good physical work out as well. It all started with very informative lectures, then we always had some warmup exercises and games at the beginning.  Linda was also telling us many inspirational success stories. And of course, as the other girls I really enjoyed having Bob and Peter around. Such brave and dedicated lads. They are handsome and fit as well, aren’t they?  

Was there something you did not like?

Susanne is a very dedicated and attentive 
 young orthopedist. She used hers medical skills
during the course 

Well to be honest, at the beginning it was not that easy to get through that conversion of my mindset. As a young medic I have always learned how to heal and how to ease the pain. Here I learned how to inflict the most serious injuries and to cause an incredible pain. It was extremely uncomfortable for me to see Bob and Peter suffering after being hit in the testicles or the Adam’s apple. I had a long discussion with Linda about those feelings. She helped me to get through this uneasy condition and to understand the purpose and the necessity of all of this. To overcome my bad sentiments, she made me the chief paramedic of the course. She even taught me how to check the testicles for any signs of internal trauma and how provide the so called testicular first aid. I think the two guys really appreciated to have somebody like that on site, always ready to help. Hmm, I would think sometimes they misused  that a little!

Have you been surprised by something?

The Linda’s unconventional approach in teaching female self defense and some content of the course was indeed full of surprises. I had four semesters of human anatomy, but I could still learn some completely new things about the body mechanics and some interesting details about the male body and its vital points. Luckily, we had Bob and Peter around, so Linda could teach these subjects in a very practical and fun way. Surprisingly, we also learned a lot about male psychology and how to utilize this knowledge for self defense. Who would ever think all of this is a part of female self defense course, right?

Many commenters on my blog criticized how we and Linda treated Bob and Peter. What do you think about that?

To some extent I understand the rage of your readers and I must admit that indeed sometimes Linda was not very nice to them. But too nice attitude defies the effectiveness of a training. She used her approach to break our squeamishness and to build our confidence and empowerment. I came to a conclusion how important is to train with a man and with the highest realism possible. Yes, you have to kick the testicles to see you did it correctly and it really has an effect. Yes, you have to practice grabbing a real set of balls to be ready to do it quickly and correctly in a critical situation.  As you cannot learn medicine just by reading books and watching TV series, you cannot effectively learn self defense by sparring with a padded, hardly moving attacker. If you use an injection, it causes pain, but it also delivers the medication. We all tried to compensate their sacrifice with our attentiveness and affection. Despite that, there were moments I thought they are not coming back for the next class, but to our relieve they came back again and again. I admire their great dedication to help us with our cause.

Some readers also do not like the brutality of some techniques and are afraid of misuse. Would you agree?

Well, the ability to defend sometimes comes with brutality. The rape is a horrible crime which calls for an appropriate response. If a female victim would help to rupture the attacker’s testes or to gouge his eyes out, then she should do it, it is fully acceptable. It should therefore be also expected and normal to teach these techniques. I am convinced that any of the girl attendees would not ever think to use these techniques as a mean to punish their boyfriends or during a verbal argument. I learned which drug could kill a patient when overdosed, does it mean I am going to use this knowledge to kill people?

What about the re-enactment of your attack? Was it helpful?

At first, I was reluctant to do it. I thought it would just rub the salt into the wound. But at the end of the day I agreed, and it was a good decision.  Linda insisted it should resemble that scene as much as possible.  We chose Peter to play the attacker as he had the same height and body type. He just wore a groin protector and a towel. After my description he played out the attack on me in the precisely same way, he even put his hand between my thighs. Linda then showed me what would be the best approach to eliminate him. To submit initially and to show an interest by unwrapping the towel. Then to move the towel up and to wrap it quickly around his head so he cannot see. His instinct would be to remove the towel so he will move his hands towards his covered face. Then I can use the towel as a handle to pull him sideway, which would cause him to keep his balance by spreading his legs. Then his completely unprotected bare testicles would be the perfect target for several precise knee strikes. When he collapses, I can use his 'blindness' and confusion to stomp well between his splayed legs with the ball of my foot to finish the job.  He will think twice to try it again on a woman.

To make the re-enactment of the attack
as real as possible, Peter wore only
a groin protector and a towel

Then I tried out the whole sequence several times. Peter was lucky we agreed on wearing a groin protector because I always somehow went berserk during the kneeing sequence. Even with the highest quality hard cup at some point Peter felt it and had to rest for a while. I came to him, hugged him, and asked him, “Peter, lets try it again, but this time without the guard.” I was just joking of course, but he took it seriously and he gestured to me to be quiet. Apparently, he was afraid that Linda would hear that, and she comes to us that it is indeed a great idea, and we should try that! He was so cute that moment! Nevertheless, this re-enactment helped me to get over this horrible  experience and it empowered me so much. I do not have any nightmares or recurring bad memoires anymore. I know if it ever happens again, I know the attacker is going to regret it for the rest of his life!

What would be your final words to the readers of my blog?

I understand that some things are difficult to read and digest, especially for men, but I would tell them not to come to some false quick conclusions. They should think out of the box. My cousin attended an expensive week-long course. The only thing she learned was to yell fire and that groin kicks do not work. I am not saying that I am now an invincible warrior, but I have learned, tried out, and seen the outcome of some devastating techniques of self defense for real and I know I can use them when needed. Women should take their safety into their hands and attend a high-quality course as we did. This is the way to go to put an end to all the rapes and sex attacks.

Thank you so much Susanne for this interview!  

The art of kneeing (part 1)

When I posted the story about Alison, a CEO of a big company who defended from her harassing young boss using a well-placed knee, some of you were curious how I learned this famous technique of female self-defense. Soon after I started to write a post about it, I realized there is so much to tell and to explain that I decided to split this important and interesting topic into several separate posts. In this part I write about the class we got introduced into the art of kneeing. Here is how I recall it.

That session we expected Bob and Peter to come later because of some training they could not skip. To our surprise Linda appeared in the door with a net full of soccer balls.

Juggling a soccer ball is a good way
to initiate the training of kneeing

“Seems Linda have mixed up her classes,” Laura whispered to my ears. We both chuckled as we knew she also assists in couching a female soccer team at the university. As always, she initiated the class with a little exercise. “Girls, for today's warmup grab a ball and try juggling it with your thighs,” she took one ball and showed us what she meant, “The best is to start like this. Toss the ball from the level of your shoulders, use your  thigh to bounce it straight up and catch it with your hands. After repeating this sequence at least ten times, try bouncing the ball twice without catching it with your hands, then three times and so on… At first, just with the same thigh, then try to alternate the thighs for a nice juggling experience”.

After the demonstration of the basics, she showed us her professional skills. She was so good in it, almost like one famous soccer player in a commercial I saw some time ago. Needless to say, the very notable difference was her large breasts hopping in the rhythm of her perfect thigh-play.  

Most of us were doing this for the first time, so our performance was absolutely no match for the agility and elegance of Linda. Our failing efforts to tame the ball and keep it going where we wanted were accompanied by occasional (just girly:) cursing. After a couple of minutes, we were getting better and better an even I managed a nice string of uninterrupted touches before Linda ended this exercise by clapping her hands.

“Quite tricky, isn’t it? Don’t worry, it takes a lot of time to practice. But I could see some of you are quite good at it,” she glanced at me, while she was saying that, so I felt a little bit proud for a moment. “Now let’s have a chat about the topic of this session which is the knee strike,” she initiated the theoretical part.

We all sat down on mats around her. She took out her tablet from her backpack and surprised us by playing a movie clip. It was a scene of a well-known romantic drama from my country. I have seen it already several times, but honestly, not the best piece of cinematographic art. The film featured a young cocky guy from a rich higher-class family trying hard to win the heart of a beautiful village girl. However, she was only interested in a poor boy, a recruit sent to war. Well, a type of plot which always makes my grandma to cry.

A movie cliché with a lot of truth in it 

The scene Linda was playing depicted a moment when both protagonists accidentally appeared together in the woods. She was picking berries; he was hunting. He tried to take the advantage of the situation. Luckily, she ended his inappropriate advances by using a quick knee strike. He collapsed in pain and let her go. Her honor was saved, his testicles and machismo got hurt. I guess a lot. Linda stopped the clip and asked us what we think about it.

“Kudos to her for defending from that asshole!” Tania replied immediately.

“Do not go to woods alone!” Emma provided her original view,

Linda smiled to this a little bit naïve comment and explained us what she had on her mind, “This scene is a typical movie cliché, right? A woman resolves a dangerous situation by a knee to a man’s testicles. But there is a lot of truth in it. It is a very instinctive response, hardwired in our female mindset, something like putting hands in front of you when you are falling. The female character was a simple poor village girl, for sure she did not have a privilege to attend such a fancy self defense course as you do.” We all had to chuckle to this ironic remark.

“But still, she did what indeed works in such a situation,” Linda then continued, “A knee strike to the testicles is a staple technique of female self defense. It comes very naturally. It can be used in various situations, from different positions and in a combination with other techniques. But unfortunately, this move is often shrouded in myths and horribly taught in most self-defense courses.” She paused for a moment and gazed at us with her dark eyes before she continued, “But girls, I want you to master the art of this technique. I’ll teach you a fail proof perfect knee as a deadly weapon of a woman. Just watch!”  

The effectives of a knee can be nicely
demonstrated with two small unripe pears 

She got on her feet and took out a plastic bag with two small green pears from her backpack.  As I remember it was early fall, and these types of seasonal fruits were not fully ripe yet, so unfortunately, she could not offer us a health snack this time. She put the bag in the shorts of our ‘artificial’ kicking dummy and carefully positioned it inside, so it formed a realistically looking bulge. She straightened up and knee-stroke the area between the dummy’s legs. She put her hand inside the shorts, removed the bag and showed it to us. The pears were intact maybe little bit compressed to each other.

“This was an example of a bad, random knee,” she explained us, “It would probably hurt and there is a good chance it will create an opportunity for you to escape, but it might not be sufficient to take down a highly determined attacker or an attacker on drugs. Now I show you the type of knee I teach.”

She returned the bag in the shorts, got in a fighting stance, and forcefully kneed the dummy by a trio of fast and well-aimed strikes. Now she used her hips and hanged on the shoulders of the dummy. This time we could also hear an audible crunching sound. She fished out the bag from the dummy’s shorts and proudly showed us the outcome. The bag was now filled with mashed matter and the two pears were basically no longer recognizable. “An odd way to make a pear puree, isn’t it?” she said sarcastically while she dropped the mushy bag in the trash bin… To be continued.

How I met Bob and Peter

Having a male assistant with good vibes makes a
 female self defense class an enjoyable experience. 

 In several places I already mentioned Bob and Peter, two brave college students majoring in physical education who volunteered to play bad guys for our course. We called them ‘our darling attackers’. I admit, we developed a very close relationship, almost an intimate bound. Here is how I recall my first encounter with Bob and Peter.

That day I changed my clothes in the lockers and entered the training room. I immediately spotted two young guys sitting on the bench. Rebeca and Ana, the boldest of us, were already having a friendly chat with them. The other shyer girls formed their own group, but from time to time were inquisitively checking out the two young hunky lads with a couple of inconspicuous glances. Before I had a chance to join the conversation club, Linda appeared in her black yoga pants and top.

“Good evening girls,” she started the session with a friendly greeting. My classmates stopped talking and we all gathered around her.  When the guys stood up, I noticed they both have athletic but not overly muscular bodies and are at least 180 cm tall. Peter is of darker appearance, he has short haircut and deep brown eyes radiating self-confidence. On the other hand, Bob’s curly blond hair and soft features of his fair face give him a look of an angel. Both had common gym clothes and sneakers on, Bob wore a dark blue T-shirt and black gym shorts and Peter a grey T-shirt and sweatpants.

Linda announced to us, “As I promised the last theoretical session, today we initiate the practical stage of the course and luckily, we won’t be alone. I want you to meet Bob and Peter. For the time of the course they will be my training assistants, but don’t be too nice to them.”

After she introduced us to the boys, she continued, “Before we start putting the theory in practice, I prepared three small warm up exercises for you.”  She opened her backpack and took out a bunch of sticky notes and pens and gave them to Laura with request to be distributed among the girls so each of us has one blue and one pink sticker. Linda then turned to Bob and instructed him, “Bob, come here and grab me in a frontal bear hug.” Not knowing what he can expect he hesitantly wrapped his hands around Linda’s torso but tried to keep a safe distance. Linda noticed his hesitation, “Don’t worry, it’s just a demonstration.” Although it did not sound like a very convincing reassurance, he took more courage and pushed her closer into him partially compressing her 36D bra-size boobs with his manly chest. Apparently Linda did not care and explained the task to us, “Let’s imagine you are in this situation and you want to get rid of your attacker. Now this is the task for you: on a blue sticker first write the primary target organ or the attacker’s body area you would go after and then your body part would you use for the attack. On the pink sticker write the following target and again your body part to be used for executing the strike. If you are ready, place the stickers on the corresponding parts on Bob’s body.” 

Where to put the pink sticky note?

The exercise seemed quite easy, most of us wrote it right away. We already got the idea about the primary and secondary targets. However, some hesitation and shyness became apparent when it came to the part with sticking the notes on Bob, especially the pink one. Soon, both Bob eyes was covered with blue stickers, just one appeared on his Adam’s apple and one on his ear. Most of us, including myself placed the pink sticker somewhere in area around his midsection or thighs, clearly avoiding putting it directly on the bulge projecting from his shorts. One sticker even landed on his belly depicting a big arrow pointing down!

“All right, thank you, and now let me also do this assignment,” said Linda and wrote the words ‘eyeball’ and ‘thumb’ on a blue sticker and put it on the Bob’s right eye. Then she wrote the word ‘testicles’ and ‘kneecap’ on a pink sticker. She bended over and suddenly with a quick motion of her left hand she pulled down Bob’s shorts and with the right hand she stuck the pink sticker on his dangling bare scrotum. The surrealism of the scene and the reaction of the spectators is indescribable. Poor Bob immediately half-squatted, turned around and pulled his pants up to cover his genitals.  (Un)fortunately by turning around he showed us his naked tight butt as well. Blushing like hell, he realized he forgot the note down there, so he fished it out, and not knowing what to do with it, he crumpled it and shoved it to his pocket.  Ana, Emma and Rebeca could not stop giggling, Susanne and Laura were covering their open mouths in astonishment what did they just witnessed and Tania, as always, left some ironic comment. Peter was maliciously smiling and seemed to be quite relieved not being a part of this embarrassing stunt. Only Linda kept a poker face like she just performed a completely normal basic demonstration. She explained, “You all knew the theory, but you did not execute the assignment exactly according to my instructions. Yes, you all correctly specified the secondary target is his testicles, but there is no room for squeamishness and hesitation in self-defense. Also, some of you wrote groin instead of testicles. As I told you during the introductory lecture this is wrong and misleading. Don’t be ashamed to use the correct and exact wording like I always do.”

When the buzz dissipated, Linda continued, “Now let’s move on with the second exercise. Have you ever played a game called the ‘blind man’s buff’?” We all nodded as we used to play it as kids. “My rule of the game is that the ‘blind man’ should chase you around the room and if catches one of you and correctly identifies you it is your turn to be the blind man.” Linda chose Tania to start as the blind man and blindfolded her using a red kerchief.  The game started with great amusement. It was hilarious to watch young adults screaming and chasing each other like they were 10-years-olds. When a girl caught a boy or when a boy caught a girl, we hold our breath in anticipation how it’s gonna turn out, if the touching won’t be too inappropriate or accidently directed to some ‘forbidden’ places. But I think at the end of the day no one’s decency was harmed. When it was my turn to be the blind man, I was ‘lucky’ and caught Bob. I immediately felt a strong young male body, and then I went for his hair and its curliness immediately uncovered his identity. I could have also probed his pants, but from the previous ‘exercise’ I knew he is hot wearing underpants, so I rather avoided that area :).

For almost a quarter of an hour we had a lot of fun, but suddenly Linda clapped her hands, “OK guys this was the last round.”  We were all laughing and gasping for air from all that shouting and fast zig zag movements. Linda commented this, “It is a nice warm up exercise, isn’t it?” I somehow already anticipated this wasn’t just a silly game to fill up the time, but she again wants to teach us something. Indeed, she made a point, “Self defense training is a close contact body-to-body physical activity. You should not be reluctant to touch and feel each other bodies. But I noticed this time you all did well and had fun. That’s good to see. Next important thing I wanted to point out with this exercise is the visualization, it is important to assess the opponent and to quickly draft the most effective defense strategy. You all met Bob and Peter just minutes ago, but you were able to image them from your memory and to distinguish one from another even without your sight. It is not that difficult to recognize a  male over a female body, but to identify who it is requires noticing, memorizing and recalling the details of the body when needed.”

Who is going to win the tug of war?

“And now let’s do the last exercise” said Linda after she fetched a long rope from the closet and hanged it over a pulley on the wall. The middle of the rope had two flags tied in a 1-meter distance. She explained the game “We are going to play a modified tug of war game. One girl against one boy. You have to hold the rope at the level of your chest. Who will pull the flag to their side is the winner. Men are naturally stronger than women, so we have to give our boys some penalty. Let’s say they can use only one hand and you both.” This game became as much fun as the previous one. What started as a simple tug of war game, turned to a fight of genders. A loud screaming was resonating through the training room, girls were cheering the other girls and boys supported each other. Although the right arms of both boys’ were stronger than girls’ both arms, in some instances a girl took the lead.  It almost seemed Tania or Ana is going to win, but guys always managed to turn the tables and eventually won the tug.

When the last girl lost, Peter made a proud victory pose. “Do not celebrate too early Peter, it’s my turn”, said Linda while she put her water bottle aside and grabbed the rope. After the countdown, both pulled down with all their might.  Linda’s arms and hands are feminine, but the regular workout made them stronger than average. Everybody expected that Peter will have a hard time to win this time. After a minute or so of even tug, Linda suddenly freed her left hand, made a step forward and slapped Peter between his legs up to his bulge. He immediately cried out, jolted, let go the rope and covered his anguished manhood. Linda then, with a mischievous smile on her face slowly, without the slightest resistance, pulled the rope until the flag crossed her side.

She then turned to the giggling girl squad, “You probably think what I did was unfair and vicious, and you are right. However, always remember, in female self defense there are no predetermined rules. Self defense is a goal-oriented response to a serious danger. You have to focus on achieving the task, neither the fairness nor the ‘gentleman rules’. He uses his natural strength against you, you can use his weaknesses to your advantage.”  As Linda was lecturing the girls, Peter was slowly recovering but his angry face seemed he wants to yell at her ‘Bitch!’.  Susanne was holding him around his shoulders asking him how she could help. I always admired her being so caring for the boys’ wellbeing and safety.  When we were laughing and having fun, she was more interested in relieving pain, checking for injuries, and providing soothing words.

Once Linda finished her motivation talk, she announced the last activity of the day, “All right, we had some fun, now let’s move on practicing the male anatomy and vital points with our new training dummies…” 

The 16 most deadliest weapons of the female body (you will be surprised what is the last one😊)

In one of my earlier posts, I already gave a short introduction to vital points on the male body. These points and body parts are vulnerable regardless of his body type, stature, muscle mass or weight and can be readily punched, hit, bitten, kicked, kneed, stomped on, squeezed, crushed, or ripped off to cause pain, shock, incapacitation, loss of balance or temporal distraction as an opening for following strikes. To accomplish an effective counterattack against the male vital points, we can utilize various parts of our female body.  If used properly, these can effectively substitute even the best self defense tools or gadgets. Here is the list of the 16 deadliest weapons every woman carries with herself all the time. The last one will maybe surprise you.

1. forehead. The front part of the head is a large and hard striking surface, and it can be used for head-butting soft parts on the male body. In a typical frontal attack scenario, a forehead can be rammed into the nose of a close-standing attacker. This should distract him and open him for following devastating strikes such as a knee(s) to his testicles. When you are in a kneeling or in a sitting position, for instance during forced oral sex, the target area for the forehead can be the assailant’s genitals.

2. back of the head. Similarly, to forehead, the back of the head is hard and can be used for a reverse headbutt against the attacker’s nose or jaw, for instance when in a chokehold, bear hug or when being pinned down on the ground.  A common result of such an attack is a combination of surprise, pain and daze. These starling effects and the created wider distance between the opponents provides a window of opportunity for other defensive moves, such as elbow strikes or a back kick to his testicles.

3. teeth. Like lionesses, women must show the power of their teeth sometimes. Biting is often considered dirty fighting and might be repulsive and hazardous due to the possibility of infection, but at the same time it is highly effective, especially during the most serious sex attack situations. Sink your teeth in and rip the flesh or detach the soft body appendages (testicles, penis glans, tongue, or ear lobes).

4. elbow. The use of the elbow utilizes the similar mechanics  as kneeing. In this case the arm is providing the momentum and the elbow is the hard and pointy striking area.  A woman can use this ramming device to jab the ribs or the solar plexus when her attacker is holding her in a bear hug. In many instances the elbow can be used for downward blows, for example at the exposed back of the neck of the attacker folded in pain after a well-placed knee. If you appear between the legs of a lying attacker, raise the hand up and then trust the elbow down violently towards his unprotected testicles for the best crushing effect.

5. fingers. Don’t be fooled by their delicate appearance. Female fingers can execute some of the deadliest techniques with the finest precision. To break a pinkie, to gouge an eye, or to rupture a testis and flatten it to oblivion. All of these techniques and much more we can perform with our fingers. 

6. heel of the palm. A sturdy and relatively large area of the female hand. It can be used with precision and force for instance to hit an attacker’s nose and push it up into the brain. When kneeling in front of an attacker, the palm heel can be used to hit hard up against the pelvis floor to crush his testicles and to break his pubic symphysis. This will cause the attacker to collapse instantly.

7. knuckles. When a lady forms a fist with her hand the knuckles project as deadly spikes. In combination with the momentum of her arm, knuckles gain a great penetrative and crushing force. Serious damage can be done on the targets located on the attacker’s face like nose or teeth. No testicle would stand a chance against the spear-like action of the index finger knuckle during the egg cracker technique.

8. nails. If not too long or too short, nails are another precision tool for self defense. Nails act as a sharp pointy extension of the fingers, so they can be used for scratching, piercing and pinching. They greatly enhance the effectiveness of some of the deadliest techniques like the epididymis pinch (the death pinch) or the eye gouge.

9. thighs. Female thighs possess an unexpected strength and can act as a deadly vice when fighting on the ground. When the attacker is on top of you, you can use your thighs to squeeze his ribcage to cause shortness of breath and to disbalance him and to push him to the side.  Similarly, thighs can be used to crush his scull or to choke him by his neck. So dear men, keep in mind that our thighs can be a lethal weapon, literally.

10. kneecap. Kneecaps are a superb body armory as they have the advantage of being relatively small but hard objects located in the middle of the leg in a very convenient position. When accelerated during a knee strike, they squash everything standing in the way, particularly soft unprotected organs like the testicles. Nose, temple, spleen, or kidneys, all of these spots are highly susceptible to the crushing power of the kneecap and can be easily injured by a good knee strike. And not to forget, a knee to his butt as a final move can propel him far, far away from you. 

11. shin. Being a bony and narrow structure, it can penetrate between legs with ease and compress the intended target (testicles). If you want to see the real effect of using the shin front kick on a man, watch funny home videos of skateboarders falling on a handrail.

12. instep. It is a good striking area of front or roundhouse kicks.  Unlike shins, the instep gains an additional swinging momentum and acts as a wrecking ball on a man’s balls.

13. toes. Some guys think those cute female toes with nails polished are just a decoration of our female bodies. Mistake, they can be a deadly weapon as well. The toes can scoop the testicles with precision and force or repair the ugly face of a bad guy when used for high-kicking.

14. heel of the foot. Although not as effective as stilettos, stomping on the attacker’s foot or shin with your heel may be just enough to distract him and to cause him to move his legs apart. A following quick back kick to the guy’s exposed testicles is a good follow up move using the same weapon. Stomping hard on the bulge between the splayed legs of a downed attacker with your heel would finish the job, possibly permanently.

15. ball of the foot. Have you heard about the ball against the ball principle? In some instances, the ball of the foot should be a preferable striking area of some kicks. When your attacker pushed you to the ground, a thrust kick upwards with the ball of your foot between his legs propels him up to the skies and crush his bad intentions (beside his testicles of course).    

16. butt. I know you all scrolled down here first 😊. Despite being a nice round soft cushion, a strong thrust back with the butt to the midsection of a man can make him to lose balance, widen the space between you and him and hence creating an opportunity for another, this time much more painful strike. When pinned to the ground face down, by rapidly pushing her buttocks up, a woman can easily throw her attacker to the side and turn the tables. Although it might sound odd, in some instances a woman can use the right moment to sit down on the attacker’s face to choke him and to take the full control of him. I tried that once on Bob…